Is This The End? Refusing Feeds. Tiktok About Please?

[GeorginaA]

Ds2 is three weeks off his first birthday and he's down to two feeds a day, morning and night. They tend to vary a bit in length but in general he still seems to enjoy it.

Until last night at least. He just refused point blank to feed. Gave a little nip when I perservered and then happily interracted with his brother instead.

This morning is the same, except after pursing lips around as if he's about to feed I get the (gentle) bite, then he starts crying.

I think it could be down to teeth as there's other signs of teething and he's grumpy today. We've dosed him up just in case, but he still doesn't want to feed. Solids and his cup of water seem fine this morning, but last night he wasn't keen on his main meal (but it was fish - which isn't particularly his favourite either).

I'm actually feeling pretty upset. I'm aiming for about a year and then was going to carry on to see, so by all accounts I'm almost there so I should be happy. Ds1 stopped cold turkey at around 8 months and was never interested again despite expressing for over a week just in case, and I'm dreading history repeating itself, albeit a few more months down the line.

So, any advice? I obviously keep offering for a while. Do I offer other milk as an alternative as he seems happy swigging down water from his sippy cup? (Cows milk, can't be arsed to buy formula this close to a year) Do I need to express to keep up supply - can't say I feel particularly engorged after two missed feeds, so I guess he'd been dwindling in quantity anyway?

[suzywong]

it is a bit upsetting isn't it when they refuse
he could be sending you a clear message or he could just be feeling off colour, or he could have sussed that big brother doesn't have to stop playing and suck on mum so why should he

You should, IMO, offer him cow's milk now, out of his vessel of choice. You should, as you say still offer for a nother week or so and I am pretty sure you don't need to express to keep up supply.

[tiktok]

Hi, Georgina.....your baby is a bit young for self-weaning, and it's more like a nursing strike, the way you describe it. Though once babies get down to two feeds only when still quite young (as he is at a year), weaning is more of a possibility.

Lots of suggestions for this in archives - sorry I am dashing out and can't list them all here.
No need to express - when he comes back to the breast any drop in supply will be made up quickly,

Keep on offering opportunities to bf at any time but don't let it become a fight - skin to skin snuggles and cuddles will lure him back.

[bobbybob]

Sleepy feed? Sorry can't write more, but hopefully that was self explanatory.

[GeorginaA]

Thanks folks. Think it is a nursing strike rather than a genuine weaning having read through your suggestions.

I kind of have mixed feelings to be honest - part of me is really upset and desperately needs a hug and someone to tell me that he'll start up again in a couple of days. Another part of me thinks, well, it'd be easier now if we just wound up the breastfeeding relationship anyway.

At what point do you stop trying and assume that's it? Does it just depend on your own boredom threshhold or is it after a certain length of time that they're unlikely to go back? He likes his solids, drinks well from a sippy cup - I can see it being not that traumatic calling time around about this age ... but at the same time I didn't want it to end like this!

Tiktok: out of interest, do you think I should offer a cup of cows milk tonight if he refuses to feed again? Or is that more likely to reduce the chance of him coming back?

[Bozza]

How did you want it to end Georgina? Just wondered because as you say he seems happy and not at all traumatised. Is it just a shock?

Anyway hope he comes back round. Might be just exercising a bit of power or not wanting to miss out on what DS1 was up to.

[GeorginaA]

Bozza, to be perfectly honest, I don't know what I want. My opinion keeps changing every 5 minutes at the moment! The teething, while there, doesn't seem to be overly annoying him as he's been perfectly happy at Tumbletots this morning.

Logically, if you'd asked me when he was born how long I wanted to feed him for, I would have told you I was aiming for a year. Now I'm almost at a year I was happy to continue for as long as he wanted. Except now I'm really upset. Go figure!

[GeorginaA]

Ooops, sorry, misread your question. Don't really know that either... just not so sudden I think. I expected a tailing off with just one feed for a while. Ds1 stopped suddenly at 8 months (which in retrospect may well have been a nursing strike - but it was a strike he kept up for well over a week, my supply dwindled, I was fed up of expressing, and that was that) which I was absolutely gutted about so maybe it's just echoes of that which has upset me.

Either that or hormones. You can usually blame them for most things, can't you?!

[Prufrock]

It's not that you didn't want it to end like this, is it? You just didn't want it to end. Because now your baby isn't your baby anymore, and you aren't going to have another one, so you're never going to bf again, and it was so lovely, and you miss it, and I want snuggles and I don't want him to grow up and , and and....

Ds stood for a couple of seconds by himself yesterday, and I was really sad

[GeorginaA]

Prufrock - you made me cry - that's exactly it. The whole last baby thing and everything.

[aloha]

My dd is ten weeks today, and I felt so sad the other day that she wasn't a wobbly-headed, wavy-handed, crumply-faced newborn any more.

[Bozza]

Aah well I understand the last baby thing. And I did shed a few tears when DD happily stopped a couple of months back. It was the "like this" bit I didn't really get. I feel a bit like that about DD's looming baby and when I see her with her cousins like whne we went to my MILs yesterday. The 6mo is the same size as her but he can't sit and he just sort of looks around and has a bottle and lets my SIL feed him. Whereas DD was busy looking around checking that nobody was having something to eat that she wanted, crawling off to play with the door, paddying because I wouldn't let her chew my phone and destroying DS's train track with a high degree of determination. She is so much her own person now and I think that breast feeding means that they are still yours for that 10 or 20 minutes a day.

[Prufrock]

Yes bozza - that's it. DS has a personality now, but when he's wrapped up in his gro-bag at the end of the evening and gazing up at me lovingly I can pretend that I am still the only thing in his universe.

Georgina - I'm sorry. But just think of all the fun you (and DS1) can have with a toddler. Babies are abit boring really. Don't know why everyone raves about them, can't wait until mine starts talking and running about cahnsing his big sister. And it will be such fun to be able to go out and do things they can both get involved in

(Am I convincing you yet, cos it's not really working for me?)

[Bozza]

Actually prufrock what you are saying is true. And I have to confess [guilty] that I did think about my nephew that he didn't do much. But you can bet that my SIL doesn't think that.

[GeorginaA]

I know, I know. In fact I've said the same myself Prufrock on many an occasion when I wasn't wrapped in a hormonal feel sorry for myself fug.

I still have a way to go to convince myself though.

You wait, after all this navel gazing he'll probably feed tonight

[Bozza]

I wouldn't be at all surprised G.

[GeorginaA]

Nope. Not distressed at all. Had a look, opened his mouth as if he was going to suck, changed his mind before he even touched skin, touched his teeth really lightly around the end and then sat up and investigated the cushion. That was it.

Wasn't even particularly interested in a sippy cup of milk either. Took a sip, didn't go back for more.

Feeling a bit more philosophical now - whatever will be will be. But I have PMT-type cramps - argh! Don't tell me that 36 hours of no feeding means I get my period back straight away?!

[cally272]

You've all made me cry! dd1 b/f for 18 months and she really loved feeding, but dd2 is only 6 months and most of the time she doesnt seem particularly bothered whether I feed her or not-it can be so upsetting. She does still feed about 5 times, but she's always distracted and would rather be doing other things. I think she'll stop quite early.
It's awful they have to grow up

[GeorginaA]

Still refusing.

I had a good cry last night - dh's fault, he asked me if I was okay

[Enid]

nothing to add but following this and Georgina

[spots]

Georgina, you can have a shot bf'ing mine if you want

sorry you feel sad. but so well done...bf'ing till HE wants to stop is great.

[Bozza]

Yes Georgina agree with spots you have let him take the lead and that is great. Sorry you are though.

As for the period - mine came back when I was still feeding 3x a day.

[dinny]

Georgina, oh, poor you. Can really sympathise. DS is 7.5 months and DEFINITELY tailing off feeding (in the day, still glugs at night). The oinl way he'll feed is in a crawling position (him, not me!) and takes the quickest slurps before crawling off after dd/the cat/anything, then coming back once, maybe twice. Is this a sign to just stop offering, I wonder....? Thought he'd want to keep going for ages yet. So sad, isn't it? End of an era. You've done so well to get to a year, even if he does stop soon.

[GeorginaA]

Day 4

Now not even vaguely interested in taking an attempt, just looks away. Glugged down a sippy cup of cows milk quite happily. Is cheerful and happy in himself (still no sign of new teeth though, lol).

My hormones appear to have settled down, and my boobs are no longer uncomfortable. I guess that's that then.

Am going to go new sexy breastfeeding-unfriendly bra shopping at the weekend to make myself feel better I think!

Thank you for letting me have my pity party here...

[Prufrock]

Oh G - this is not the end of a stage - just the beginning of another (which is easy for me to say - when ds decides to give up I'll probably just cut and paste your posts!)

Dinny - DS (and IIRC Georginas ds) went through a not interested phase at 7-8 months. It passed - I think it was more that they were too interested in the world around them, rather than not interested in milk.

[spots]

Georgina, in a free free world I'd love you to paste a photo of yourself looking carefree in breastfeeding unfriendly bra to give all us still bf'ing away something to look forward to.

However I'm not going to suggest it.