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Can anyone help me? Im so low and sad.

(100 Posts)
SleepyCaz Sat 21-Feb-09 15:56:43

DD is 3 weeks and 2 days today. She is a cnstant feeder. Im bf-ing, but having to top up with Aptamil 1 every few hours as she is ravenous constantly. When she is ot at my breast she frantically roots and screams. Tried Infacol and vigarous winding, to no avail. Have not slept in 24 hours. Feel hideously depressed. Fighting with DH due to feeling so awful. HAVE 2.5 year old DS to look after too, who is an angel bless him, but im getting to the point where im short with him if he even asks to go to the toilet. I seem to have to feed my DD for 3+ hours before she is full, at least. Most was 5 hours! From one breast to the other and back, over and over, with some formula in the middle, but always needs to finish on a breast or wont go down at all. Sleeps for max of one hour, then screaming for more again. Seen HVs 4 x this last week and they just say, her weight gain is fine, shes ok, carry on!! I seriously cant cope. Dangerously close to PND, marriage suffering, son suffering. Not even eaten yet today. Caled HVs again but they don't work weekends. Have a tin of hungrier aptamil but darent use it as one of the 4 different HVs i saw made me feel as if it was arsenic! She said it should NEVER be used, esp on a baby so little. DS was on SMA white from 8 weeks though. I am hallucinating from tiredness and feel im ruining my son and husbands lives and frightened im not bonding properly with new DD. She sometimes drops off in my arms, but the min she hits the matress shes screaming again. Tried warming the sheets first, squirting drops of my milk on her blanket, everything, but nothing helps. Am so stressed. Will hungry milk help at all, or is there something else? I lost 3 litres of blood during my delivery and HVs keep telling me to "rest, remember you had a PPH!!" Sorry such long post.

Lotster Sat 21-Feb-09 16:05:28

You poor thing, what a lot on your plate sad - you're still doing brilliantly to be BF'ing. Not going to give any opinion as many more knowledgable than me on here but bumping for you and someone will be along soon.

littlelamb Sat 21-Feb-09 16:07:07

Who has advised you to top up with aptamil?

littlelamb Sat 21-Feb-09 16:09:26

Sorry that sounded quite blunt. When I stopped bf dd (at 10 mo, but still relevnt I think) I used aptamil with no problems. But really you shouldn't need to top up. Have you tried a wrap sling to settle her? My ds was like your dd for the week after he was born and I remember that it was shattering. I used a CLose sling and never looked back- he seemed to really be comfy in there, and it meant I could get on with other things.

shonaspurtle Sat 21-Feb-09 16:12:26

You poor thing, you sound at the end of your tether sad.

Will she fall asleep in her pram if it's moving? Could your dh take her out if so? Or have you tried a sling if she prefers being held - for dh to wear and give you a break if possible?

I hesitate to give bf advice to someone with such a young baby, but ds was very "sucky" and would feed forever, but not actually feed iyswim, just suckle. To give me a break (I got very sore and unfortunately couldn't just go with the flow) dh would take him and ds would suck on his finger. If I had another baby I would try a dummy in these circumstances.

I do know that hungry baby milk isn't advised for little babies as it's casein based (as opposed to whey based first milks) and that can cause constipation and a sore tummy. It's harder to digest which is why it makes some babies feel full for longer - there are no more calories in it.

I hope someone comes on soon with some good advice for you.

MrsRecycle Sat 21-Feb-09 16:14:20

oh poor you - your body hasn't had time to recover from a traumatic birth and now you are getting no rest. You are not a failure, you are human - everyone needs rest and sleep - is there anyone (dh) who can take over LO's for a couple of hours whilst you rest?

MissisBoot Sat 21-Feb-09 16:15:07

Oh gosh - sounds like you are really stressed.

First of all go and get some food - even a bowl of cereal and some fruit to give you some energy - you need to concentrate on looking after you for the moment.

Can your dh take dc's out for a walk to give you a break this afternoon. If you can sleep for an hour you'll feel so much better?

Will your dd fall asleep in the pram?

Would you co-sleep? This may help as then you could bf in bed and not disturb your sleep too much?

Can your dh help with bedtime?

Congratulations btw

littlelamb Sat 21-Feb-09 16:15:22

OK have thought about this a bit more- Have you tried co sleeping? I found ds really hard work, especially with dd to look after as well, so at night I would just go to bed, have him in with me and feed and doze- it really helped me get some proper rest. And have you tried lansinoh for any soreness?

MissisBoot Sat 21-Feb-09 16:16:02

Ooh yes - a sling - good idea. That was a life saver for me with dd.

cyteen Sat 21-Feb-09 16:16:54

has your DD been checked for a tongue-tie? i think (although hopefully someone more knowledgeable will be along soon) that tongue-tie makes efficient feeding harder, so that the baby has to feed for hours to get enough.

otherwise can only offer my full sympathy and second the advice re. slings. i really really hope you get some rest soon and things improve. you are doing brilliantly!

princessmel Sat 21-Feb-09 16:22:09

I rmemeber how you feel. ds was like this and it was so draining.

You deffo need to eat. Cereal as MissisBoot says is great, quick and easy. dd used to be covered in crumbs as I ate while I fed her.

Next time she comes off the breast, go and get something from the kitchen.
You will feel better if you eat.

I agree about the co sleeping, or even trying feeding lying down. It's so much more relaxing.

Dd used to scream at the breast on and off for the first 6 weeks. I tried infacol but I'm not sure if it helped. Worth a try though. dd and ds both had floppy valves and found it hard to cope with fast flowing milk, I think lying down slowed it down a bit.

I hope you get some rest.

suwoo Sat 21-Feb-09 16:22:11

This scenario does sound very similar to my friends DD and she had a tongue tie so it is definitely worth getting that checked. Did the HV look for that at all?

suwoo Sat 21-Feb-09 16:23:49

image of tongue tie. HTH.

cyteen Sat 21-Feb-09 16:27:35

god yes princessmel i'd forgotten about seeing toast crumbs in DS's ears grin

Yes, OP, definitely eat. It will help almost immediately, particularly considering you're still not over what sounds like a very physically intense birth. For various reasons I hardly ate or drank anything for the first 72 hours or so of DS's life and felt completely wrecked, could barely move or think. After we got home my DP fed me fish, mash and peas while DS was clamped to the breast and I couldn't believe how much more together I felt afterwards.

iwouldgoouttonight Sat 21-Feb-09 16:47:25

You poor thing, this reminds me of when my DS was a new born - he would feed for at least an hour, cry for an hour, sleep for 10-20 mins and then be ravenous again! It turned out her wasn't sucking properly - just sort of nibbling at the end and looking as though he was feeding, but not actually getting much milk.

Have you tried swaddling her and white noise - that helped us to get DS to sleep - wrap her really tightly so she still feels as though she is being held.

I'm definitely no expert on breastfeeding but with my DD (who is four weeks old now so I sympathise with the tiredness!!) I lost a litre of blood during her birth and the HV said that may have really affected my milk supply and I should feed more and more to get my supply back up again. You are likely to be anaemic after losing so much blood and if you're not getting the chance to eat either you are bound to be feeling low and probably just utterly exhausted.

I think hungrier baby milk is harder to digest for really young babies so that's why they don't recommend it - may cause other problems like constipation, etc.

If you really want to continue BFing could you call one of the support lines, La Leche, or someone - they should be able to give you advice even at weekends.

Good luck - I really feel for you.

SleepyCaz Sat 21-Feb-09 16:49:08

Thank you everyone, you are all so nice. Have ordered a Babasling on Tues, hopefully it will come on Monday. HV suggested it. Will check for tongue tie, and ask HV on Monday. The fact that every time i see a HV its a different one with a different opinion or advice is not a great help. Managed some of DS's Rice Krispies a while ago. DH has taken DS out for the last hr, but he can't take DD, because im mostly BF-ing, and if she cries for food, he's screwed, lol. He's helpful with most things, but works long hours and is tired himself.
It was midwife and 2 HVs who advised topping up.
Really am loathe to try Stage 2 milk on her little tummy, but cannot think what else to do. Worst thing is, every night she starts to feed at 10 and goes on til 1am, then wakes ever 1'5 hrs. Could cope with the waking, but the marathon feed to get her down kills me. DH and i not had meal or proper convo for weeks.
Thanks so much everyone.
Anyone any reviews of Babasling BTW? xx

christiana Sat 21-Feb-09 16:51:54

Message withdrawn

cyteen Sat 21-Feb-09 16:57:25

don't be afraid to get the gp to check her for tongue tie, especially if you've got no continuity of mw/hv support. i only say this because an acquaintance has just had her son's tongue tie sorted out after several different hvs failed to spot it hmm she too had had similar problems to you and was on the verge of giving up (much against her will) but things are much better now

can your DH maybe bring you some food? that was one of the most useful things my partner did for me in the early weeks, keep me well supplied with snacks/meals and leave a packed lunch in the fridge once he was back at work.

BouncingTurtle Sat 21-Feb-09 16:59:08

sad you poor thing!
I strongly suggest that you ring a breastfeeding helpline, have a look on Hunker's website as there is all the numbers for the breastfeeding helplines - they should have someone available on the weekend.
Please don't give hungry baby milk, it could make your baby quite poorly as someone mentioned it is casein rich and does not have any more calories than stage 1 formula, but is harder to digest. Have you got friends/neighbours who could entertain your ds to give you a break? Can you try feeding lying down as well so you can gets some rest.
You are doing a fantastic job but you need to get some professional advice.
Was your dd checked for tongue tie in the hospital?

suwoo Sat 21-Feb-09 17:11:39

Look at the photo I linked to for tongue tie, you should be able to spot it immediately.

MrsRecycle Sat 21-Feb-09 17:21:26

You might be pleasantly surprised if dh takes dd out as well - I was always petrified my lo's would want a feed that dh couldn't provide! They actually ended up sleeping and I got some precious time to recharge.

SleepyCaz Sat 21-Feb-09 21:35:58

Thanks everyone again, All so supportive, it's really touching. DH came home and we sort of made up. Then mum came over and sat with both LO's for an hour and a half while we went to Frankie and Bennys round thre corner for a quick bite. Very nice.
Gave DD a good bf before we went and mum had a 5oz bottle of Aptamil 1 just incase. Got back to find she had cried and rooted and mum was in middle of feeding her the bottle. She has since finished all 5oz but s still rooting and crying. However, when i put her to my nipples she latches for 5 seconds then arches her back, comes off the latch and screams. Tried dummies, she hates them, tried rolling her up and down livig room in buggy for last hour, still wide awake and rooting, but refusing breast. Have used Infacol and repeatedly winded her incase it's that.
Any ideas anyone? Another bottle? Swaddling and rocking? The dreaded hungry milk?!
Feel better for the nice meal, but still no sleep in nearly 34 hours!

SnowlightMcKenzie Sat 21-Feb-09 21:49:22

SleepyCaz Phone a bf helpline or three as soon as possible. Do you have the numbers?

I think some of them are open until 10pm.

SnowlightMcKenzie Sat 21-Feb-09 21:53:51

SleepyCaz Until you get hold of a bfc, keep a log of the feeds, what time they start and what time they finish inc bottle, and try very very hard to reduce (slowly) the amount and no. of bottles you are giving.

It is likely to be the bottles that are causing most of the problems.

SnowlightMcKenzie Sat 21-Feb-09 21:57:11

Stay in bed all day tomorrow with the baby. Get DH to check on you regularly if you are worried.

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