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DD2 (10 months) gets no comfort from me unless she's feeding

(14 Posts)
blowninonabreeze Tue 17-Feb-09 09:31:34

Appologies if this is rambling. Really not sure what to do here. But please post some pearls of wisdom - I'm at the end of my tether

DD2 (10 months) has been exclusively breast fed. She won't take a bottle but does have a beaker of water with her meals. I weaned using BLW but TBH she eats VERY little. She's about 21 lb for weight (over the 75th centile)

She does however want to breast feed constantly. She's never slept through the night, currently in bed by 6.30, wakes around midnight, then 3 then 5.30 - 6.00 she's up for the day [sigh]

The thing that upsets me more is the day time. I feel like I can't enjoy her, if she's sitting on my knee she wants to feed, pulling at my top, wriggling, crying etc. I feel like a walking dummy. As a result if I can help it I find myself distancing myself from her where possible (which doesn't upset her BTW) because I feel that she doesn't need to feed constantly and it can't be helping with regard to the tiny amounts she's eating. I feel a little sad that she can't enjoy me for anything more than food. She snacks on me constantly (must have about 6-8 feeds a day still)

I think things have been compounded in the past few days because DH has been helping me with the nights. We decided that it was reasonable to try to encourage her not to feed between 11pm and 6 am, so I was feeding her at 10.30 pm (dream feed) and whenever she woke after that DH was going to her and comforting her and settling her. He did it Friday, Sat and Sunday nights. I went to the spare room (and it was bliss) but when DH went back to work on Monday and I took over she wouldn't settle for me, fighting and kicking and getting more and more wound up until I relented and fed her. I feel like a failure. DH is completely cool with it but I feel like I've undone all his hard work.

The whole thing has made me really fed up and quite tearful (which is REALLY not like me) I feel like I've really messed this whole thing up. I wanted to breast feed her forever wink but right now I'm resenting it.

Please help

Penthesileia Tue 17-Feb-09 09:42:49

Oh, bless you. It does sound hard.

Stock question, I know - but is she teething, perhaps? My 8mo DD has been teething since Christmas (we're onto tooth 3 in rapid succession) and she's been feeding noticeably more during the daytime too, sometimes just wanting to lie there and suck - probably for comfort.

Further stock questions: is she picking up any new tricks (E.g. starting to crawl/or cruise/or walk - or even talk?). New developments can cause this, as I understand it.

One more stock response grin: separation anxiety? I believe it kicks in around about now...

Otherwise, it sounds as if you've identified the possible cause: your DH taking over some duties. Maybe she just needs time to adjust to this, and then things will settle down.

I don't have any solutions, but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

FWIW, I think you're doing the right thing. Maybe she needs the comfort; taking it away (though I know you're not doing that) would probably make the situation worse and more drawn-out.


Penthesileia Tue 17-Feb-09 09:43:46

I should also mention that my DD is also still feeding a lot in the night... hmm grin

Penthesileia Tue 17-Feb-09 09:45:24

Also, babies get used to one routine from one person, and another from the next. Chances are, she'll still behave "well" with your DH, and continue to want bf-ing everytime you go to her! She knows where the milk comes from... grin

blowninonabreeze Tue 17-Feb-09 09:49:01

Thanks for the reply.

She still doesn't have any teeth and can't see any signs of any to be honest (DD1 was the same, didn't have any until the week before her first birthday)

She's been crawling since Christmas and has just started to cruise - but this has been going on for some time.

WRT separation anxiety - she's fine with new siuations and people, fine with my mum or DH She just seems to see me as a food source that she likes to access 24/7 grin

blowninonabreeze Tue 17-Feb-09 09:51:31

Oh she's definately worked that out about DH!! But I can't let him have endless disturbed nights, he'd never be able to keep up with his job. I have to be able to take over during the week. (sigh!)

Penthesileia Tue 17-Feb-09 09:57:55

Hmmmm. Not sure then.

I wouldn't dismiss the separation anxiety thing out of hand entirely, though you know your baby best smile... As I understand it, it's a normal developmental moment, and doesn't necessarily translate into how well, or how badly, they behave with people other than you and your DH, IYSWIM - it can just manifest itself as never wanting to be put down by anyone or let anyone out of her sight, etc.! grin

FWIW, my DD didn't show any of the classic signs - red or sore-looking gums, red cheeks - before her first 2 teeth started to come through, so I was surprised to feel the first little lump.

Anyway - I hope it eases up for you. It probably will! The only thing I know about parenting now is that as soon as you're used to one situation, they change the rules and invent another! grin

blowninonabreeze Tue 17-Feb-09 09:58:55

Tell me about it!

Thank god DD1 is easy - For now........

Penthesileia Tue 17-Feb-09 10:00:29


Getthekettleon Tue 17-Feb-09 10:10:54


I'm am going through similar routine with my DD2 (9 months). I feed her during the night 10.30, 1am or 2am, 4am 5-5,30 thens she's up for the morning. DH takes her from me at 5.30 so I get a couple of hours before he goes to work. I start back at work in a few weeks and I know I'm gonna be knackered!

I may move her to her own room and let her cry it out a bit! Have you tried that? Babies do get into habits but its also hard to let them cry at night, particularly as I have a 3 year old in the adjacent room.

As for the day, my DD1 did the same to me, just wanted on the whole time. This only stopped when I stopped BF at 21 months!

blowninonabreeze Tue 17-Feb-09 14:24:12

21 months [faint]

It's so annoying because I love breastfeeding, want to continue (especialy as she's likely to be my last) but right now it feels a grind.

We moved her to her own rrom after Christmas. DD1 (3 in April) is right next door but we've put an electric fan in her room and with the white noise she sleeps through everything. Generally I haven't been letting her cry more than for a few minutes (whilst I stumble around getting dressing gowns etc!) DH lets her go for up to 5 mins when he's seeing to her. Its really hard.

I can't even imagine going back to work. Fair play!!

wastingmyeducation Tue 17-Feb-09 20:54:56

We tried DH settling DS (9 months) when he woke in the evening a couple weeks ago.
He settled back to sleep with DH rocking him, and the rest of the week, he only woke once each night between 2-4am, which was amazing!

He's been ill or teething since unfortunately, so I'm feeding him whenever he wakes.
But next week, if he's well, we're going to give it another go, and if he stops waking in the evening, we'll move onto DH going to him if he wakes before 3, and then 6.
I really hope it works, as I'm desperate for some sleep!

It could be worth your DH missing out on a little sleep for one or two weeks if it helps in the long run.

blowninonabreeze Tue 17-Feb-09 21:12:34

That sounds promising. Fingers crossed for you. DH works 8 am til at least 6.30 pm making pretty life critical decisions so I just can't risk him going to work overtired. We have been talking tonight about him taking some leave specifically to tackle this.

Have been concentrating today on un-coupling her day time naps from a feed as I usually give her her large feeds in her bedroom before each nap. Whilst she doesn't actually feed to sleep each time I do think she associates feed, then take herself off to sleep. So far so good today. She's had 3 naps with no feed immedately beforehand. Hopefully this'll impact on the nights too grin

wastingmyeducation Tue 17-Feb-09 21:24:57

Yeah, getting DS to nap without always feeding helped me, probably more psychologically than anything.
He can be rocked to sleep and in fact today, he simply sat with his head on my chest and went to sleep.
While DH was off for two weeks over Christmas we made sure that either we took him out in the car or pram at nap time or got him to sleep on DH. It helped to have a plan.

Good luck!

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