I really need your help!!Sorry to be boring!!

[dropinthe]

I have been breastfeeding ds2 for 14 months now and it is doing my stupid head in! Last night he fed for over three hours as hadnt eaten much in the day as was teething really badly.He takes bottles of formula from dh when I work in the evenings and at weekends but if Im around he wont touch one. My boobs are red raw and I want to stop really badly but dont know what to do-has anyone else done it to this stage and found that it is mainly for comfort in the day-ie if he falls over or gets upset-he wont take a dummy or accept big hugs and will get himself into a complete mental state if I dont give in. I feel pathetic and also have alot of pressure from relatives who think the only reason I am doing it is because I am not letting go of his babyhood(he's my last)-I am at my wits end and very.

[dropinthe]

PLEASE!Its not boring to me just a real pain in the tits!!

[laneydaye]

dropinthe i feel the same and ive only been bf for 5mths..... dont think ill make to 15 mths and dd is just the same wont take a dummie or even bottle from dp.
gonna watch this thread though for any tips...

no what you mean about the pressure though... a mate said to me last week "you cant bf for ever".... puurrleeease get a life (i laughed at her ) she only did it for 2wks...

[bonym]

Sorry - no advice but just wanted to sympathise

[SkiBunnyFlummy]

I stopped at 10 months and it was quite easy. But 14 months alot more aware. From what I here cold turkey is the best method.

Just stop, apparently they moan and mourn for few days and then forget about it.

[serenity]

Do you want to stop feeding him full stop?

DD is very similar (a bit older, she's 17 mths), but she refuses the bottle as well. I've had to start just being tough I'm afraid. What I do is when she indicates she wants a feed, but I can't feed her or I know she's just tired is try to distract her with a beaker of juice or similar. If she's insistant I just say no and put her down. At this age I think milk in the day is more a comfort thing, providing they are drinking other fluids and having cheese, yogurt etc.

I think if he tries to feed for 3 hours ( ) again, I would stop. Give him a choice of bottle, hug, DH whatever, but don't do it. He needs to find another form of comfort that isn't angonising for you and that hasn't got mixed up with actually feeding iyswim. If he has a tantrum over it, treat it as a tantrum - ignore it and walk away. This is so easy to write, but a lot harder to do I know,

I hope you manage to sort everything out, good luck!

[boobie]

I watched Little Angels on BBC3 last night and there was a 4 year old still Bfing, so don't despair. The psychologist advised distracting and explaining why you wouldn't feed. Could you substitute breast with cup or fruit when he is not too distressed and then replace gradually? Don't feel guilty about not letting him use you for comfort in this way, better to stop now if you are ready than later. Is there a particular time when you could step in with a substitute before your son looks for feeding?

[Lonelymum]

When do you plan to stop dropinthe? Why not do it now if it is getting you down? Not sure what your problem with stopping is. If he takes bottles of formula, just give him that instead. Um sorry, am I missing a point somewhere?

[RTMTMML]

Hi dropinthe. If he takes bottles from your DH then you are most of the way there. I stopped bfing the DTs in the day a couple of weeks ago. I went away for the weekend (expressed 12 billion gallons of milk whilst away) and when I came back decided that I didn't want to do the day feeds anymore (just typing this is making my boobs fill up...oooohhhh). It was a tough first 2 days because they kept pulling at me and howling at me but I persevered and wouldn't bfeed them. I would offer them the bottle. I knew that I would feed them after their bath and that they could and would take from a bottle. It's been no bother since. Haven't yet decided when I'm going to give up completely, but like you they are my last and I just want to make their babyhood go on, plus I love it! hth

[dropinthe]

Sorry,am around just been feeding!!

[dropinthe]

I just dont have the energy to deal with the tantrums-I could do it in the day as he does drink other fluids and is getting plenty of protein else where and eats like a horse.Its just when Ive come in from work at eleven oclock at night and then have to deal with him screaming the house down and waking up my 3 year old who has just dropped his day time kip and my dh who works like a carthorse on the roads,I just take the easy option(for every one but me).In fact I'm too knackered in the day to really deal with it then either.

[PrettyCandles]

I think you need to go cold-turkey on the night-time feeds. They are probably the toughest for you and, because neither of you get enough sleep, he is more likely to be seeking comfort during the day and you are more likely to be giving in. I fed dd until 22m, and there was certainly a period at about 18m when she suddenly started comfort feeding. I decided to start dropping the daytime feeds at that point, but did it over a few days when i could make sure that either I was out away from dd, or that we were both out and very busy, to make it easier for my to refuse and distract her.

To go back to the night-time feeding: your ds will come to no harm if he doesn't eat much for a few days. But if he can fill up during the night then he has no incentive to eat during the day. You really need to be tough at night. Offer him a bottle of water and nothing else. Best if your dh can do that - it took months after dropping the nighttime feeds before I was able to resettle dd at night (dh had to do it).

If you sort out the night times, you may find that you are perfectly OK to continue during the day. I'm not sure it would be a good idea to cold-turkey breastfeeding completely at this point, because it can make you feel very emotional, and you may regret the decision.

[PrettyCandles]

Sorry, a bit unclear. By daytime feeds I meant midmorning and midafternoon. She was sleeping through by then, and afterwards I only fed her first and last thing.

[dropinthe]

Ive also got the problem of feeding him to go to sleep although he does it quite well on his own if I'm not around-goes til he drops kinf of thing. Do you not think it would be better if I could stop the daytime ones first(somehow) then wean him off at night??

[PrettyCandles]

Tough one. I just don't see how you'll cope during the day if neither of you have had enough sleep. Besides, once he is sleeping well you may find a huge change in his behaviour that allows you to reassess. Maybe you'll find that you are contented with the new situationa nd want to continue bfing, or maybe you'll find that you don't want to continue bfing in any case but will find it easier to give up if you have the energy and emotional resources.

Does your ds have a regual nap-time during the day?

[serenity]

My day time ones are pretty much gone now, I haven't bothered with the night time one because at 3am I'd rather bring her into bed and bf and go back to sleep in 5/10 minutes than get into a fight which disurbs everyone. She's just started dropping those herself (she wakes up, comes into bed but doesn't demand to feed, just goes to sleep) and over the last week we also had 3 nights of sleeping through, followed by a broken night without feeding. It does all sort itself out eventually.....

I wish we could come up with an easy way to do this, but if we knew how we'd be mega rich childrearing gurus a la GF! I think you're going to have to bite the bullet to get out of this situation, and put up with some really crappy days. You just have to decide if it's worth it. How much more can your poor nips take!

[dropinthe]

Poor nips very poorly.
He does have one to two kips a day all fed-induced-sometimes a short one in morning-long one in arvo or long one in morning and none in the arvo. Not a creature of habit!!

[PrettyCandles]

A night-time dream-feed is much easier to cope with than 3hours continuously. It becomes a lifestyle or child-rearing-philosophy choice then.

I think that the other bullet you have to bite is the one of routine. Getting him to sleep (short nap in am, longer one in pm) without feeding to sleep, and waking him when you think it's the right time, rather than letting him sleep himself out.

It's a long time since I had to do this (dd was hard work sleep-wise, but she got there in the end). I found Gina Ford (yes, I know) very helpful, particularly for timings, also The Baby Whisperer (sorry, can't remember her name) and Mumsnet too. Try posting on the Sleep forum.

Your ds is a clever boy and he's taking advantage of you. You said it yourself, that he will when you're not around but won't accept anything other than boob when you're available. He needs to learn that that cannot continue, or else you need to find a way that you are not exhausted by it continueing, as Serenity has done.

[PrettyCandles]

Nips need Lansinoh.

[laneydaye]

is it karen hogg? (baby whisperer)

[serenity]

Agree with prettycandles - you have to figure out which bits are the real problems, that have to be sorted out now, and which bits you can compromise on and live with, and then stick with it!

I don't get home from work until 1am, so I need calm nights even if it's giving in. I'm a SAHM during the day with DSs in school so I can afford to zone out during the day (house suffers but it won't be forever). Works for me, you have to find what works for you.

[dropinthe]

Prettycandles-I think you are absolutley right! Thanks for taking the time to give me advice-I know most mnetters are bored shitless of the whole feeding debate as I am of b/feeding!!

[PrettyCandles]

That's OK . You'll see, in a year or two it'll be you doing the IIRC to help another Mumsnetter.

How's it going?

[PrettyCandles]

The Baby Whisperer is called Tracey Hogg - thanks Laneydaye, you jogged my memory.