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I'm not sure why I am typing this but I need to get it out.

(21 Posts)
kayzr Fri 02-Jan-09 22:13:14

I am currently BF my 3 week old DS2. He has a formula feed at bed time. He was 10lb 5oz when he was born and went down to 9lb 6oz. 2 days later he had only put on 1oz and MW made us give formula top ups. He is now back up to 10lb 4oz so in reality is at his birth weight.

We did struggle and I did nearly give up when he was a few days old. Despite reading about engorgement I wasn't expecting it to hurt so much, also I didn't know they afterpains would be so bad. I cried through most of his feeds in the first week. Plus I felt guilty that I didn't have the time for DS1. But I didn't give up and kept going.

But I for some unknown reason still have thoughts about giving up BF. It is getting me down now as I actually really enjoy BF. I find it relaxing, calming and I know it is great for bonding. I rang LLL earlier and she was great and said that quite a few women ring with a similar problem. She advised that I continue BF but in the long run it has to be my decision.

Anyone else felt at all like this? I am awfully confused.sad

lollyheart Fri 02-Jan-09 22:52:37


I feel the same, every day i think i want to give up bf, but i do really enjoy it, i think my problem is because i dont believe i have enough milk and ds2 would be happier with ff at least i know he is full iykwim?

We had a really bad start to bf , he would not latch on at birth ,lost lots off weight and had to go to the scbu.

He is now ebfsmile i was mix feeding at first.

Its really hard for me to get it in my brain that he is getting a full tum from me, every time he crys i think he must be hungry and i think ff would be easier iykwim.

I failed to bf dd and ds1 so im not giving up this time as its going so well now.

sorry to ramble on but i know how you feel, i love bf but is so stressfull.

kayzr Fri 02-Jan-09 23:00:48

Lollyheart I am really glad there is someone else who feels like me. I also failed to bf DS1 so I really wanted to BF ds2.

I also think it has to do with feeling like I don't have enough milk. I've stopped leaking too and HV said I might not be producing enough milk but I tend to ignore her most of the time.

lollipopmother Fri 02-Jan-09 23:12:10

Kayzr - That HV is speaking absolute pony, there is no reason to think that you aren't producing enough milk just because you aren't leaking! If you are really worried about not making enough milk (no reason to if your baby is putting on weight) then Fenugreek tablets could help with that, although they make you smell apparently!

What I would say is this - I have exactly the same worries as you, I still do every now and again. DD is my PFB, for the first 8 weeks I was petrified she was starving even though she was putting on 7oz a week most weeks! Slowly I learned to trust myself, and to trust my baby. Your baby will tell you if he is starving, there's no getting away from that. You're still very early in your relationship, I am 15 weeks in and I'm still getting to know my baby, 3 weeks in I was petrified and couldn't enjoy having a newborn at all.

BFing takes time to relax into especially if you think (as you said) that you've already failed once. Give yourself a couple of weeks to get used to it, to get to know your baby.

What makes you feel that you don't have enough milk? Is it just the leaking?

paolosgirl Fri 02-Jan-09 23:12:36

I certainly felt like this with DC3 - I'd bf the other 2 and expected to feel the same with him, but didn't really at the beginning and came very close to giving up.
I remembered though that it took a good 6 weeks with the other 2 to get it really establised and so set myself a target of 7 weeks. I decided that if I still felt the same I would give up, but when I got to that point it had all clicked into place and I found it much easier than faffing about with sterilising bottles and making up formula, and it meant that when I was out and about I'd always got milk with me - never had to worry about going short!
A lot of babies lose some of their birth weight, and can be slow to put it back on as well. The afterpains, whilst a bit nippy to say the least, also mean that your uterus is shrinking back to it's normal size - think of that pregnancy tummy going!
I hope you can keep going - it sounds as if you're doing brilliantly if you find it relaxing and calming. Good luck smile

kayzr Fri 02-Jan-09 23:18:24

Lollipop It is just the leaking. I wasn't to bothered before but the HV asked if I was leaking and when I said no she said she was slightly worried I wasn't producing enough milk.

lollipopmother Fri 02-Jan-09 23:37:05

Well I am by no means an expert, but I am sure that some women just don't leak. I wouldn't go on this as an indicator of not having enough milk, instead focus on whether you baby has wet and poo nappies, if there's a lot of wet then he's getting his milk, don't worry so much about the poos because it isn't unusual for babies to go for days without having a poo so if he's one of those babies don't freak out!

If he's crying all day and all night then maybe he's hungry, but again, there's lots of other reasons why he may be unsettled. I used to stuff my DD full to the brim, she cried because she was full...I stuffed her some more! It's just a learning curve that you have to allow yourself to go on, over time you will get more comfortable with your choice to BF, you are in the unknown at the moment so you are worried, totally understandable.

BFing is great, but don't let it make you miserable, there is plenty of support here on MN for whatever choice you end up making.

I am now hoping that someone with a bit more proper knowledge about BFing will come along and help, there are some great ladies here, TikTok and Foxytocin know their stuff as do many others. smile

kayzr Fri 02-Jan-09 23:46:09

He doesn't cry that much. I feed him when he cries and he either goes to sleep when he is finished or stays awake for a while and then drops off. He has plenty of wet nappies.

I had no thoughts about not having enough but since the HV mentioned it, I've wondered.


lollipopmother Fri 02-Jan-09 23:47:43

In that case, don't give it another thought!

Northernlurker Fri 02-Jan-09 23:52:03

Kayzr - I think you're thinking about giving up because your breastfeeding has been undermined by those who should have been supporting you. You are doing really well - not leaking means nothing - I did leak quite a bit at first but then after a few weeks not all - doesn't mean that my supply had disappeared but that it adjusts to your baby's needs - you are obviously a very efficient producer of milk! Just try being a bit bloody minded about this - you are doing a great job!

tiktok Sat 03-Jan-09 10:27:08

kayzr - you could always change your HV!!

Leaking is not a sign of anything....truly. Some women leak, some women don't. It is in no way correlated to insufficiency of milk and your HV should know this.

kayzr Sat 03-Jan-09 20:18:10

Tiktok, I am very tempted to do that. She also complains about DS1's sleeping because he only has one nap a day and despite the fact he sleeps for 12 hours a night, he doesn't get enough sleep.

I'm going to keep it going for as long as possible. I think if I learn to just ignore health professionals I might feel better.

Caz10 Sun 04-Jan-09 14:37:20

12 hours....envy!!

Just wanted to add my tuppenceworth to say I've hardly ever leaked and am still feeding dd at 12mths!

But I have had many many times over those 12mths when I really wanted to give up! Someone on here told me never to make that decision at 3am, and it's true, you feel better about it during the day (sometimes!). Also I was too tired to start figuring out bottles and formula so I kept thinking oh I'll do it next week, and somehow the weeks just passed!

So don't worry about feeling you want to give up, it doesn't mean you will!

kayzr Sun 04-Jan-09 20:57:47

I had orginally said I wanted to BF him until at least 6 months but I had a chat with DH last night and we have agreed to keep BF until he is 6 weeks old. Then we will have another chat and if I am happy to continue we will set another date to get to.

Northernlurker Mon 05-Jan-09 18:51:55

Kayzr - I don't want to come over all bossy but I'm a bit concerned by what you say about talking to your dh there? Why set yourself a target at all? Is he pushing you to give up because he thinks it will be easier on you and your lo? Or I am reading this wrong and he is in fact keeping you going? I'm sorry to be so intrusive but I've been reading a thread over the weekend where a number of women have commented on how family pressure has made it hard for them to continue and it's made me sad and angry. Of course it's important for your dh to be involved and to feel confident with everything that pertains to the care of your child - but it's you who's doing the nursing and ultimately it should be your decision. in my view of course smile

pbo Mon 05-Jan-09 19:42:18

Barging in here - I've had issues with BF too and I agreed with DH that we'd stick it out for 6 weeks. DD is gaining weight fine, I've just been plagued since wk 1 with thrush and mastitis and it's been agony but we haven't stopped yet. I discussed it with DH because he's really supportive - I would probably be using formula by now if he wasn't so good at encouraging me to keep going with the BF. DD is 6 wks on wednesday and I still want to quit at least once a day but when I do get past the initial latch pain and before the post-feed thrush burn, it's so lovely to look down and see her little face concentrating so hard on sucking - it can't possibly be the same with bottles!! We're not going to quit yet!! Good luck grin

kayzr Mon 05-Jan-09 20:32:05

Northernlurker - If I didn't talk to DH about it then I would probably have given up already. Same with setting myself a target, if I didn't have a target to get to I'd probably give it.

He has said before he wanted me to stop BF when DS2 was a few days old as I was extremely tired and feeling really down and crying all the time because the MWs were telling me that DS2 had lost too much weight and that I had to give top ups of formula or he would be taken to hospital. But now DH is being great and really supportive.

SydneyB Mon 05-Jan-09 20:57:38

The best piece advice I was ever given was to take one day at a time. So, say to yourself, I'll just bf for one more day and if I am still unhappy then I'll start stopping. And every time, I've got to the next day and its been ok. Or, I've said, I'll get to 3 months and then I'll stop. Now I've got to 3 months, I feel ok again.

DorisIsAPinkDragon Mon 05-Jan-09 21:02:56

Kayzr- just wanted to say well done....

The pain I remember well ( I would have given up at day 2 or 3 had I not had my mother staying) I took paracetomol prior to feeds as things got bad but it did ease. I am a fir believer in pain RELIEF!

I sometimes think DH's do get a bit of bad press, I know my dh despite being deperately supportive did not want to see me hurt anymore than i was physically and psychogically and he also did not want to be seen to be the one being judgemental, about having to continue.

Setting yourself mental targets does help ( if you're that kind of person, it worked for me ..... 6 weeks 12 weeks 6 months etc) with dd1 I kept going until I had returned to work.

As for the leaking it varys from woman to woman as has been said already and is completely normally, but ALSO pregnancy to pregnancy. With DD1 I had shells and soggy tops galore but with DD2 I didn't even need pads after the first couple of weeks...

Think your biggest problem is your HV not yourself, you know what you're doing she on the other hand does not appear to be helping

kayzr Mon 05-Jan-09 21:05:52

Thanks. It has been harder than I thought it would be because I decided to do so much reading up on BF.

It does really help me to have a target to get to. I then get to that target and then set another one.

DorisIsAPinkDragon Mon 05-Jan-09 21:16:53

Can you get to a breast feeding group? someimes just being with people who know what you're going through can help too ( just to raise you're spririts (sp) sometimes, even if you don't really need the practical "hands on off" help.

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