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Why am i so nervous?

(19 Posts)
jofeb04 Tue 15-Mar-05 18:50:30

Hiya all.
I bottlefeb my ds, due to circumstances of the labour and the immediate time after (and the following week). However, we are now about 13 weeks preggnant, and i really want to try to breastfeed No 2. Its constantly on my mind at the moment.
Anyone got any advice?

Socci Tue 15-Mar-05 18:51:57

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Yorkiegirl Tue 15-Mar-05 18:55:53

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starlover Tue 15-Mar-05 19:03:49

read up on it... get all the info you can, including what to do if you find it difficult!

I knew all the tips on how to b/f. how to latch baby on properly etc etc... but when my ds was born he refused to feed.
I had no idea what to do, so the hospital staff bottle fed him formula.
They kind of got me expressing, but not much and my milk began to dry up.
Now I know that I should have been expressing every 3-4 hours and just feeding him that from a cup, and only topping up with formula if he was really hungry.

Luckily for us after a week or so he decided to take to the breast! (started expressing more at home to build up supply) and he is now exclusively b/f!!!

So yeah, all I can say is get alllll the info you can on it.. there are a lot of good threads on here... don't worry if it doesn't go smoothly at first, it isn't as easy as it looks... and don't worry about it! you;'ll be fine!

jofeb04 Tue 15-Mar-05 19:06:43

Hiya all,
thx for the replies.
I think i feel so nervous because previously i have been told i had "failed" my ds be other mums who obviously breastfeed. I dont want to fail No 2.
ds was delivered by forceps, and nobody could pick him up at all. He had dangerously low blood suger and went to neonatel for a week, being fed every hour, and cause of this, he was fed formula milk through the tube.
I really want to breastfeed no 2, for my self, but am scared of failing.
Do you know what i mean?

Yorkiegirl Tue 15-Mar-05 19:09:33

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aloha Tue 15-Mar-05 19:27:44

Did more than one person honestly tell you that you had failed? Really? If they did, I presume they aren't people you are friends with. I can't imagine anyone I know saying this, and I breastfeed.
I would agree with everyone else, read about it, go to a breastfeeding workshop beforehand and dont' be afraid to seek help and post on Mumsnet for encouragement. You can do it!

Socci Tue 15-Mar-05 19:29:23

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jofeb04 Tue 15-Mar-05 19:34:03

Thx for all the advice.
aloha, im not mates with them at all, they're what i would call competitive mums!!

starlover Tue 15-Mar-05 19:46:09

Jo... don't listen to ANYONE who says you failed your first child, or that bottle feeding is failing.

At the end of the day the most important thing is that you have a happy and healthy child.. and if that means bottlefeeding then so be it!

I think you have to try to be open-minded, and not worry too much... don't let the pressure to b/f get to you.
I sat in tears several nights at the hospital because ds wouldn't feed and I felt so useless, but I was saved by a lovely auxilliary who came and sat with me and helped me try and latch ds on (he still wouldn't have any though!!!)

The more stressed I got the worse I felt, and the worse I felt the harder it was for me to feed him.
He used to get cross because the milk didn't come quick enough, and you need to be nice and relaxed to get a faster let-down (or so I was told)

starlover Tue 15-Mar-05 19:47:04

oh and just think, you're only 13 weeks so you have a ton of time to read up and know all there is to know about feeding.

AND, you're here... so you can get all the support you need from us lovely MNetters!!!

kookool Wed 16-Mar-05 20:25:55

jofeb04 - remember "knowledge is power" so don't be nervous. The best advice I can give you is find a friend who has breastfed or a BF advisor asap. I couldn't breastfeed DS properly for the 1st 4 days of his life and thought I was starving him, because poor thing didn't know HOW to latch on. So despite the fact that I had all the technical, theoretical info. at my disposal (I had attended a 2 hour BF class with the NCT when pregnant) I was unable to feed my poor baby for 4 horrible days because the unforseen had happened. I didn't actually know that some babies find it difficult to latch on. I thought that it is "autmatic" and "natural" for a baby to take the nipple, but in our case it was not !

I eventually got help from a friend who had BF her sons. That's what saved us ! I am talking PHYSICAL help here, not over the phone, etc. The phone can be good too as is mumsnet , but nothing beats actual physical help. It is only when a mother with real experience of BF sees you and the baby that she will be able to help in the first few crucial days. That's my experience anyway.

Best of luck.

sizeofahouse Thu 17-Mar-05 09:34:00

I am the worse breast-feeder ever, I couldn't get my DS latched on - my positioning sucked (or not) as the case was, I remember sitting in a pub after my first post-natal group, all these mums with babies latched on doing lunch - I nearly dropped ds and my tits were hanging out all over the place. But I got there! Where I live everyone is so right on, you must breast-feed but my friend and I, who were both struggling just felt well we'll give it our best shot and if it doesn't happen what can you do. NCT even can be a bit overpowering about breast is best. My best hint is get a big V pillow, ask the midwife to latch you on in hospital as often as you need so you get loads of practice before you get out (I was still clueless), know it will be sore first couple of weeks but after that it should get easier. My friend and I also both had thrush which is a whole other story. You'll be fine, and if it doesn't work out its okay too. My DS was hungry and I did give him formula I think at about three months as a last bottle,(organic of course!) he's been a great sleeper since then. I also got obsessively into pumping milk, which was helpful when I needed the extra milk in the evening. All this guilt we're given - I'm just about to have number two - having an elective casearian and will give the booby feeding my best shot, but most off I'm gonna enjoy my darling baby and those right-on hippy-bitches can piss off! (I can say that because I'm a right on hippy bitch myself who has learnt through bitter experience that home-births and easy breast-feeding doesn't always work out for everyone!) But saying that I did feed DS for ten months until he started biting and then believe me you never want to breast feed again.

sizeofahouse Thu 17-Mar-05 09:40:24

ps. Just wanted to add on a more serious note, you didn't fail. It sounded like you had a really difficult time your darling baba too and you certainly did your best in difficult circumstances. Its much easier to get latched on and feeding if the birth is straight forward and you can get baba latched on straight away. You'll be great either way because you will do all you can possible, so please please enjoy your pregnancy and don't worry, you sound like a great mum!

kookool Thu 17-Mar-05 15:22:09

sizeofahouse - As a right-on-hippy (not sure if I am a bitch though, I am quite a nice person ), I have to say, just for the record, it's not just the "right-on-sort" who want to BF. BF is not a fashion accessory.

In fact I have been looked down on by the sort of modern City woman (I used to be a London City lawyer) for wanting to BF. Some of of these women think it is "modern" to bottlefeed and that BF is for the "natives" (what utter racist rubbish !)

There are many mothers who know that breastmilk is the healthiest start for their baby, which is why they want to BF. It's not just a mantra to say that breast is best. I get the impression jofeb04 knows this which is why she wants to give BF a go.

I feel sad and depressed that a mother has to be criticised because BF did not work for her in the past. The thing to do is that if she wants to give it another chance, to encourage her and support her.

sizeofahouse Thu 17-Mar-05 19:42:19

Kookool, I wasn't insulting jofeb04 at all - I think she sounds like she's doing her absolutely best for her darling babes. I also agree with you that breast is best but women shouldn't be made to feel bad because it doesn't work for them. Where I live people are very right on about breast-feeding, natural childbirth etc - I was before I actually did it, but sometimes it doesn't work out and I guess the lack of understand for those people by those so-called ROHBs is what irritates me. Okay bitches might be a bit strong but I'm thirtyfive weeks pregnant and belligerent. I think somehow we are saying the same thing and jofeb04, I wasn't insulting you at all! I'm with you all the way and in my wry way was trying to cheer you up! I've been thinking this afternoon why I struggled so much with breast-feeding, and really its because my ds took three days to be born and I was exhausted and after an emergency CS he was very mucusy and couldn't take milk really. We got there in the end but I found it incredibly difficult the first four months, just couldn't quite do the latching on thing. Humph, o jofeb04 enjoy your pregnancy, sorry if I said the wrong thing and please please don't worry, I'm sure you'll get there this time.

Socci Thu 17-Mar-05 20:11:37

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kookool Thu 17-Mar-05 20:20:51

sizeofahouse - Congrats. on the pregnancy - hope all goes well for you !

We have mixed up our communication here a bit !

It is obvious from your posts that you weren't insulting jofeb04, but trying to encourage her. Your comments were about a certain category of woman, which I agree does exist (they are called "super-competitive mums", right ?)

I was just trying to emphasise that although some women may BF because it's considered "cool" within their circle of friends, at the same time I know plenty of women who think it's extremely "uncool" to BF ! That's all, I think we are both saying the same thing really, aren't we ?

What matters as you say, is that jofeb04 shouldn't feel initimidated because of other people's views. Afterall, she is trying to do the best for her child, so who cares what the people arounnd her think ?

As an example, I have an elderly neighbour (86) who thought I was silly when I told her I was going to BF. She is Greek Cyriot and came to London during WWII, right in the middle of the Blitz ! She said she BF her first son during every attack, in underground stations, etc. ! So here is a woman who BF her own child through the most traumatic event, and yet told me it is silly to BF. My DS is now 9 months and I haven't told her that I still enjoy BF. What's the point, she is only going to say something I don't approve of.

So what I am saying is, yes, I agree we should do what is right for our child, not what pleases other people.

sizeofahouse Thu 17-Mar-05 20:47:40

Thanks Kookool, my dh just told me off for using the b-word as well, so I will try not to again. I remember when I went to my first post-natal group there was a woman there who couldn't bf because of medication she took but she felt she had to say she did because of the majority consensus about breast feeding. The health visitor also went on about not breaking the mucus-bubble, and although both my friend and I were bf-ing we felt so sad and cross that so much pressure was laid on women. I am really right-on in so many ways, I am a monster about disposable nappies and organic foods, but in having had a difficult birth with ds1 and such trouble with the bf (also due to undisagnosed thrush for eight weeks) its made me realise that the most important thing is happy beautiful babies and happy beautiful mummys. Does that make sense?

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