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dropped evening breastfeed and ds being sick in protest...please help!

(11 Posts)
biggernow Sun 26-Oct-08 19:53:35


my son is 14 months old and he has been taking a bottle of milk before bed for sometime (was formula, cows for 2 months) then having a little breastfeed and then bed....I have been slowly dropping feeds now for a few months and this week it was time to drop this feed (succesfully managed to drop night feed then dreamfeed- but very late!) but he has been sick 4 nights in a row now. He is a really happy little chap- but boy does he love a breastfeed and he gets SO angry and is sick when I stand up with him after his bottle ready for bed. He has hardly been sick at all in his life- so this is very stressful and I just dont know what to do. He goes to sleep fine after and still has a 7am breasfeed- and he always wakes smiling.

We have used some controlled crying too as he was waking 4-7 times a night (not just teething related and he is in good health) forever, and I have been unwell due to lack of sleep- I was totally against it, but needed to do something for him aswell as DH and I. It is working well (admittedly I am doing a much softer version but one that works for us- just taking longer as I have never left him crying before and of course it has led to so many problems, and he refuses to sleep in our bed) and he is even happier during day as he is finally getting sleep- BUT I feel really guilty because of dropping the breastfeed and the being sick now..

Does anyone have any experience of this resistance? I am at a loss of what to do- of course I want the best for my son (and I would respectfully ask that I don't get bombarded with replies about how I am evil and I should let him decided when to stop bfing- believe me he would be off to university before he gave up!! Besides- 14 monts and still having one BF isn't too bad eh?) but I know I need to stop breastfeeding now- so can't go back- but how do we move forward together and stop the sick? I am so worried...

Thank you so much for listening.....

MurderousMarla Sun 26-Oct-08 19:58:45

Oh dear, poor baby, and poor you...

is he better if your DH takes the milk instead of you?

biggernow Sun 26-Oct-08 20:17:24

we haven't tried as dh not home in time for bedtime during week, and he gets upset if i am not didn't want to add to the stress....i feel awful and really worried about it. calling HV tomorrow but wanted some other mum chat about it too.....i have a video monitor and am watching it and haven't slept for 4 nights now worrying about him...but can't go back- it took everything to stop this feed.........

MurderousMarla Sun 26-Oct-08 20:25:35

I am still BFing my 12 month old but with a view to stopping by Christmas and just cutting down has been hard so I can appreciate where you're coming from.

Part of me would love to let him self-wean, and if I knew it would happen soon I would, but I can't go on for another year, or two (just to point out I think it's great for those who do, NOT saying anything negative and I'd love to but have lots of reasons to stop)

It's hard because it's your choice, and so you know you could make it all better - but where would you be in another month, or two... he might take it a lot harder then.

It must be terribly upsetting to see him being sick, but if you have made it through 4 nights - well I'd be saying to myself 'surely we will be on the up soon?'

I would just reassure him with lots of cuddles, he won't be this upset about it forever...

Well done for getting to 14 months

biggernow Sun 26-Oct-08 21:25:28

thank you so much MM. It is hard to stop, but I knew dropping that feed now is imperative as it will be, as you said, worse in a few months....part of me would love to continue, but, like you I have many reasons to stop and if I dont do it now, I will keep putting it off until I have a much harder task and harder for him too if you kwim?
i hate him being upset, he is the best thing in the whole world but i must be strong as going back now would be unfair all round. Will talk to hv and see what she thinks about the sick thing.........i can see it is a protest from how he does it....but it dosen't make it any better...
thank you x

Thankyouandgoodnight Sun 26-Oct-08 21:33:12

It sounds like you are doing exactly the right thing and try not to worry about the sick thing. It WILL stop! I think if you are absolutely firm in your resolve, he will realise and stop trying to play you up. You will have to stop the feed at some point, so it may absolutely be now and to have BF for 14 months is superb!! Have you tried increasing the volume of cows milk in the bottle (ie fill the bottle up to the brim if you aren't doing so already) - could it be that he still wants a bit more milk?

biggernow Mon 27-Oct-08 16:37:20

thank you- that is what my HV said- that and to feed him earlier but he does guzzle the milk- its just that it all comes back up........i wonder how long we will be playing this game...HV said try not to react too much......calm mummy on outside- wants to cry, cuddle and BF on inside.......!

JackOLANTERNstini Mon 27-Oct-08 16:46:43

Don't know if this would work but could you drop the other feed first instead?
When dd weaned herself naturally she dropped the first thing in the morning feed way before the bedtime one (then that was the last to go.)
In the morning we could always say 'let's get dressed/have breakfast/play' etc. and it took her mind off it, she waoke up smiling too.
At night she was just too tired and upset to understand and wanted a bf.
Might be an option?
And well done for going this long smile

biggernow Mon 27-Oct-08 18:56:22

thank Jack...i did consider this for that very reason- but decided to do the harder one before the morning one.....despite sense- i just felt strong enough to do it (and I guess SO ready to do it) He is staying with my Mum for one night soon and last time he stayed she couldn't get him to bed until 11pm (due to no BF) and that is very unmellow- so it gave me an incentive! He is just getting that much older and cleverer and needed to change sleep patterns anyway as he was waking up to 7 times a night- or twice and up all night and wouldn't let me leave room......suffice to say he was always tired and I was a zombie and my DH works so hard, he and i had to sleep separately so he could get sleep- it was all crap basically so we had to change things.

Anyway- NO SICK TONIGHT...!!! My HV suggested I fed him downstairs after supper so he had more than half his bottle before we went up for bed routine (and thankyouandgoodnight I increased amount too). I saved the last bit and gave that to him as normal (a small sick test if you like) and there was no sick...........we shall doing my softy version of controlled crying and he went down in 20 mins tonight.....amazing..........and to think I always said I couldn't do CC....amazing what a sleep deprived woman can achieve!!!!! look forward to morning BF now and I am so much happier now I am finally getting sleep- and DH is back in marital bed! LO is happier too- wakes up beaming!

Thank you all! fingers crossed for tomorrow night........!

Thankyouandgoodnight Mon 27-Oct-08 19:27:39

oh very well done indeed!! Fingers crossed that this is the beginning of the 'new' bedtime!!

biggernow Mon 27-Oct-08 21:14:20

we can hope...don't want him upset so hope he has accepted things- he hasn't woken this evening- a new development!!!! thank you all!

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