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Thinking of offering to bf friends baby when babysitting but............

(23 Posts)
Star1ightExpress Sat 25-Oct-08 14:26:21

A bit worried after that other thread.

She isn't a close friend but our DC1s are of similar age, we fell pg with DC2s at same time and gave birth within hours of each other. We see each other almost every week day at various groups, but not sure if we'd choose each other as friends without children iyswim.

Anyway, in a month she's hoping to have a night out (DC2s will be 2.5 months) and has given herself until then to try to express, but it's not going well.

She is reluctant to give formula because her baby is already attending regular (unneccesary imo) hospital apppointments for weight gain and she doesn't want to complicate the issue.

As DH and I are supposed to be babysitting, I thought the logical solution would be simply to bf her DS, but she hasn't suggested it even jokingly and I'm worried about her reaction if I offered.

Any suggestions?

MrsWeasleySupportsVoldemort Sat 25-Oct-08 14:30:39

I personally wouldn't offer. I would encourage her and support her with the expressing.

BouncingTurtleSkulls Sat 25-Oct-08 14:38:18

Are you expressing yourself? Could you offer her some EBM?
I agree that in your shoes I wouldn't offer to bf friend's baby, but some EBM might be more acceptable.

Star1ightExpress Sat 25-Oct-08 14:39:16

Personally I wouldn't have been comfortable with the idea until fairly recently, but this night out is REALLY important to her and she was never able to express for her DC1.

I'm thinking it'll only be 2 or 3 feeds max at that age? hmm

In any case I prolly wouldn't suggest it until nearer the time IF she has been unable to express!

Star1ightExpress Sat 25-Oct-08 14:41:46

I could/would offer her either to choose, but her DC1 never took to the bottle so I think it has shaken her confidence (although I suppose cup feeding is okay)

I suppose the odd ff and lying to the hospital is also an option!???

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Sat 25-Oct-08 16:31:59

one ff won't do any harm. why would the hospital object? i think you should offer ebm, and throw in that you wouldn't object to bf - but in a casual way so she can respond or not.

Deaby Sat 25-Oct-08 17:45:32

I personally wouldn't offer, you may offend her and it may be awkward between the two of you then. Just let her decided what she wants to do, its her baby after all.

artichokes Sat 25-Oct-08 17:48:22

I would casually introduce a conversation about women BFing each others kids. Say you erad an article about it or something. See what she says. Then decide whether to offer.

2point4kids Sat 25-Oct-08 17:57:02

If you want to offer and you think that it really would help a stressful situation (and it sounds like it would) then offer.
I would. Just say it in a very easy to decline way in case she doesnt want to.
I'd say something like 'I know this may seem like a very strange offer and I fully expect you to say no and wont be offended, but just in case you dont say no I will go ahead and ask - would you like me to bf your baby when babysitting if you cant express/he is unsettled so that you can enjoy your night out without worrying?'
I'd be really touched if someone offered the same to me, even if I didnt want to take them up on it. Just make sure you give her an out if she doesnt want to.

Star1ightExpress Sat 25-Oct-08 18:55:15

2point4kids Thanks, I can perhaps offer like that! smile

I'm thinking of donating bm too, so if I can get myself organised then I'll be fully 'screened' by then too so she won't have that worry!

Anglepoise Sat 25-Oct-08 19:31:08

Which is the other thread? I'm thinking of offering bfing help to my cousin who's PG with twins, but not sure whether it would be too weird.

Star1ightExpress Sat 25-Oct-08 20:00:02

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/634229-Ewwww-Somebody-at-toddlers-offered-me-her-breast -milk

Anglepoise Sat 25-Oct-08 20:18:22

Thanks!

I wouldn't be offended if someone offered to me (though I'd have to know them quite well) but would be worried about causing offence myself. Some good suggestions on here.

FWIW, my cousins and I seem to have been bandied around fairly freely amongst our aunts!

CapricaSpoox Sat 25-Oct-08 20:31:36

I'm going to be honest. Your friend is probably v different from how i was as she wants to go out when baby is 2 mo (I couldn't have dreamt of it, much as I'm sure I would have liked to!), but still, in my case, I really wouldn't have been happy at all at that offer if i was struggling a bit, it would have made me feel very sad, lovely though the offer is. When dd was about 5 weeks I (just about) managed to express some milk so my mum could try bottle feeding it to dd, and it worked like a charm, but I was actually sobbing while she did it, it felt so wrong somebody else feeding my baby! It seems so crazy to me now, but that's how I felt at the time! I can't imagine what it would have felt like if it was somebody else actually breastfeeding my baby!!! Esp given the fact that there (seems to be) concerns about weight gain, etc.

Needless to say we never did it again, although that was partly because expressing was so bloody impossible & it seemed pointless in the end, I was always with dd so never needed anyone else to feed her anyway.

It is a lovely thing you want to offer though, Star1lightexpress, I just don't think that I personally in that post-natal crazy young baby days could have handled it... If you are going to offer & you think your friend would be grateful & may take up the offer, I'd offer to express rather than actually bf, if she's still struggling expressing. Just my thoughts on it.

pudding25 Sat 25-Oct-08 20:48:48

Sorry but if anyone offered to bf my baby, unless it was a life or death situation (or something serious like stuck in a lift all day) I would freak out. No-one is bf my baby but me. It makes me want to cry actually the thought of anyone else having that bonding time with her. The only other person who I would let do it (and impossible) would be DH.

Expressed milk in a bottle is different. It is just milk. However, it would not have been screened and you never know.

CapricaSpoox Sat 25-Oct-08 20:50:49

phew i'm not the only one who'd cry!
am i weird for crying at my mum bottle feeding my EBM to dd though? blush

cupchar Sat 25-Oct-08 20:51:35

In other cultures it's the norm but there's the risk of hiv transmission. Not saying this applies to you Starlightexpress in anyway - but if someone offered to bf my little one I'd say no because of this risk.

Anglepoise Sat 25-Oct-08 20:56:42

God, I would love someone else to do the occasional feed (been reading the thread about men lactating with interest wink) - I love DD and I'm so happy and grateful that bfing is working out for us, but would love a break occasionally. I am a terrible mother! blush

CapricaSpoox Sat 25-Oct-08 21:06:53

Oh i was desperate for a break too, Anglepoise! dd was such a frequent feeder as well. And my mum refused to have her (awake, she babysat a few times in the evenings once she was sleeping through after 6 mo). But in those first few months I was a bit, ahem, shall we say "emotional" about the feeding thing!
Actually about a lot of things...i remember bursting into tears because i didn't have a tv (i was staying at my parents' for the first couple of months,they didn't have one at the time) -my lovely friend lent me her little telly in the end! smile
So, perhaps, my little outburst means nothing in relation to the OP, really! grin

Anglepoise Sat 25-Oct-08 21:17:31

Ah - the emotional stage seems to have completely passed me by (I didn't even get the baby blues). I clearly have a heart of stone!

pudding25 Sat 25-Oct-08 21:41:31

Caprica - no the bottle didn't make me cry! Unfortunately, I have never been able to express so dd has been on a bottle of formula since about 4wks as I was ready to collapse. I didn't cry when DH gave it to her but don't think I would have let anyone else give her the bottle apart from him.

She is as of yesterday now on 3 bottles a day and 3 bf but I still don't like the thought of anyone else feeding her apart from us!

Starlight sorry, didn't mean to insinuate that there was something infectious about you, I just meant about any expressed milk that had not been screened.

Libra1975 Sat 25-Oct-08 21:50:52

Personally if someone else offered to b/f my LO then I would say no HOWEVER I would still think it is a lovely gesture and I can't see why someone would be offended by this. 2point4kids put it best.

iwantasecondone Sun 26-Oct-08 12:59:15

Personally, I am having a meltdown about having to leave DS for three days next week and he won't take a bottle. I WISH I had someone I could ask to feed him. I would rather he had that than went hungry and unconsoled as he is teething badly and not wanting to eat much in the way of solids either.

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