This is a bit long, ramblily & emotional. We have had problems with my MIL form the birth of DS when I decided to bf. She didnt like it because it made her feel guilty & she thought I was doing it to rub her nose in the fact she didnt & because i believed the "labour properganda" that about the health benefits. I empathised with her about how hard it was in the 60/70s & how little suport, info there was, how demand feeding & taking babies into nurseries wasnt helpful to women who wanted to bf. I have never said anything about her feeding or anyone elses feeding choices, it is up to them. However my DH & I decided we felt it was the best option for our family.
I was then told that when visitng I was to leave the room to feed as they didnt want to see it, even if I had a shawl- as we know you cant see anything. I went along with this but was upset when on some visits other members of family who bottle fed where allowed to remain in lunge & I would have to go out, missing conversation & returning to a stone cold cup of tea & having missed the cake. This began to upset me, especially when I would get tutted at for feeding again/ etc. Things progressed so I almost stopped feeding the children there & would end up bundling screaming baby into car & driving to the layby & feeding there in the car.
The snide comments etc got to worse & it came that I felt too uncomfortable to feed DC in my own home too & would leave the room at home as well. The result being I was less willing to spend time with them etc etc.
My DH has treid to talk to his parents & explain that I dont want them to sit & watch my feeding but she is being exclusive & not making us want to do things with them. Went out for a day & I wanted to feed DD while having coffee & was asked to go to the toilet by MIL
He has explained that we understand that she would like us to bottle feed so she oculd join in but we dont parent that way. We have chossen attachment style parenting so she is cross that DC dont stay over at hers. They are only 1 & 2. She said that I am form an undecent background if I believe it acceptable to feed my baby anywhere & have a psch problem if I would be happy to feed infront of my FIL- ( I dont see the problem, you cant see anything).
DH has asked them to think a bout their ways etc & see if we can come to an agreement.
Last night they have emailed us to say they are withdrawing from all of our lives, that I have been planning this over the last 2 years & how unpleasant etc we are.
DH mailed back to suggest that he is disappointed in the fact that they wont even try talking.
I am really hurt by this all & feel like maybe I should have ff when they wanted me to. ( she is horrified that dh is supportive of bf)& that my feeding the children has now caused this huge rift. I know that the feeding is the cause but it is the results of feeding & behaviour she exhibts cause of it that really is the problem & has allienated me.
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MIL has now withdrawn from all our lives because I want to be bf our DC
83 replies
cheesemonster · 22/10/2008 09:58
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