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Am I imagining it, or am I really getting more disapproving looks now when bf ...?

(24 Posts)
crochetdiva Sat 11-Oct-08 15:10:46

DD is now 1 year and 1 week old, and was ex.bf until 6 1/2 months, and still bf now - doesn't do bottles - it just didn't work for us.

Although I'm back at work ft now, I still have occasions when I need to bf in public - when dd was a little baby, I got all the aaaah reactions - old ladies coming up to me and telling me what a wonderful thing I was doing etc., but now that dd is toddling, and can come up, and demand bf, then I'm getting a lot of disapproval from those around me.

I haven't changed - I'm still quite comfortable doing it, but why do other people feel the need to tut when they see an older baby being bf?

TrinityLovesHerVampireRhino Sat 11-Oct-08 15:14:08

you may be imagining it but you may not

just ignore it!!

Gecko is 20 months and runs up and says 'boob'

I say 'say please' and she says peeez and she gets boob, wherever and whenever smile

I have had a few looks but I ignore

MadameOvary Sat 11-Oct-08 15:17:59

Who cares? Its their problem, not yours. smile
Good for you for continuing to BF, ignore 'em!

Mij Sat 11-Oct-08 15:24:42

Good on you for carrying on. I get some double takes when feeding DD (2yrs3mths), who can now, of course, ask extremely articulately although often still prefers to yell booooooooob at me across the room. At least she doesn't just yank my top up any more.

I keep bracing myself for a confrontation at some point, but it just hasn't happened. I've been surprised by people's lack of reaction, so I'm sorry you're feeling disapproved of.

At least we now have published science (as opposed to our gut feelings) to support longer-term feeding, should we be called upon to justify ourselves.

But as MadameOvary says (great name btw), it says a lot more about them than it says about you.

Are 'those around me' strangers or friends and family?

Mij Sat 11-Oct-08 15:26:24

Sorry, that didn't come out quite right - I mean our gut instinct ought to be enough, but should we need more ammunition at least we've got the stats and the WHO on our side...

crochetdiva Sat 11-Oct-08 16:13:27

Mij - where's the science? I obviously missed that!

The disapproval I get is mainly when I'm out and about - in our small town ... but MiL has started tutting as well now!

Friends and colleagues are entirely supportive (at least to my face - but I don't give a monkey's what they say behind my back!)

Mij Sat 11-Oct-08 16:25:53

Crochetdiva, the WHO now recommend bfing for at least 2 years (and that's not just for developing countries in case people throw it back at you, it's for everyone wink), and even the American Academy/Association (? - always forget proper title) are behind longer term feeding now, cos we know that the immunological and nutritional benefits continue way past 1 year, plus there's pretty strong evidence that there are significant emotional benefits of longer-term bfing. I'm about to rush off now but if I get the chance I'll post links to that stuff!

I only know all this because I got sick of people 'helpfully' telling me that there was no benefit to feeding beyond a year. Someone actually took me to one side at a baby group and said 'you know you can stop, don't you.' I just stared, fighting the temptation to say 'shit, really??!! I never knew!' So I went away and did my research so I had something positive to say next time. But it was never a hostile respone, just a bewildered and uninformed one!

But I'm sorry you're getting the evils from your fellow citizens. That's no fun at all. And MiL - well, I'm sure plenty has been said about them on mn before, but assuming she also has her grandchild's best interests at heart, maybe that scientific evidence will persuade her you're doing the right thing!

TinkerBellesMum Sat 11-Oct-08 16:36:33

Probably not and the older he gets the more it will develop. I still have to feed Tink sometimes in public, she gets tired quickly because of her asthma and won't wait for food if she's tired, she just climbs on my lap and turns into position. She's 26 months now and I really do get some comments.

I got told off at the breastfeeding group because I said one thing about her being so small is people weren't going to notice that I was feeding a 1 year old in public. I can see the point and now don't care if she needs it she needs it. I just get annoyed that I can't get up and say something to people because I'm feeding her.

Reading of others nurslings shouting "boob" across the room makes me so glad for "me me"!

I found a great chart for showing the benefits of nursing long term.

If you breastfeed for a few days, your baby will have received your colostrum or early milk. Packed with optimal nutrition and antibodies, it helps get your baby's digestive system going and give him his first - and easiest - immunization.

If you breastfeed for four to six weeks, you will have eased him through the most critical part of his infancy. Breastfed newborns are much less likely to get sick or be hospitalized and have fewer digestive problems than artificially fed babies.

If you breastfeed for three or four months her digestive system will have matured a great deal and she will be much better able to tolerate the foreign substances in artificial baby milk.

If you breastfeed for six months, she will be much less likely to suffer an allergic reaction to artificial baby milk or other foods. A new study indicates that nursing for more than six months may greatly reduce the risk of childhood cancers as well.

If you breastfeed your baby for nine months, you will have seen him through the fastest and most important development of his life on the most valuable of all foods - your milk.

If you breastfeed your baby for a year you can avoid the expense of artificial baby milk. Many health benefits during this year of nursing will last her whole life. She will have a stronger immune system, less chance of childhood and adolescent obesity and will be much less likely to need orthodontia or speech therapy.

If you breastfeed your baby for eighteen months, you will have continued to provide the highest quality nutrition and superb protection against illness at a time when illness is common in other babies. The US Surgeon General says "It is the lucky baby that nurses to age two".

If you breastfeed your baby until he is ready to wean, you can feel confident you have met your baby's physical an emotional needs in the most natural, healthiest way possible. In cultures where there is no pressure to wean, children tend to nurse for at least two years. Mothers who have nursed for two or more years have a lower risk of developing breast cancer.

Don't worry that your child will nurse forever. All children wean eventually no matter what you do and there are more nursing toddlers around than you might guess.

Divvy Sat 11-Oct-08 16:43:46

sorry for gate crashing but can you tell me about this as you are al long termers!

When does a bf babies poo thicken up? Or maybe it doesnt ever?

thanks

CarGirl Sat 11-Oct-08 16:47:45

not until the are weaned and on a decent quantity of solid food.

TinkerBellesMum Sat 11-Oct-08 16:52:46

Yeah, when they start getting solids. What's funny though is when she's ill and off solids, she will do a two tone pooh when the solids have finished passing through her hmm

Mij Sat 11-Oct-08 16:53:44

TBM - great post.

Divvy - as is so often the case, it depends on the baby, and what else s/he is eating and drinking. DD was a 'couple of poos a day' girl (and all pretty sloppy tbh, never really what I thought of as 'grown-up poo') until well past the age of 1. Then they turned into real, well, turds, that required a bit of focus to expel!

She's not 27 months and does spectacular logs of a consistency Gillian McKeith would be proud (not that I'd value her opinion, mind...)

What age is your baby, and what's the poo situation now?!

Mij Sat 11-Oct-08 16:54:55

x-post. Need to say that DD's poo remained fairly baby-like well after she'd started solid food, so again, guess it depends on the chid.

Mij Sat 11-Oct-08 16:55:27

Chid? What's a chid?

child of course...

Divvy Sat 11-Oct-08 17:06:24

Thanks, he is 10 weeks, and has what I call an explosive arse! Very watery, and yellow orange, with bits in! It also stains clothes, when it erupts!

mawbroon Sat 11-Oct-08 17:09:26

I sometimes feed ds out and about if the fuss he is about to make is going to draw more attention than breastfeeding an almost three year old in public. I must say that nobody has ever commented at any age.

One time ds asked on the bus for milk (very polite "please mummy can I have your milk"). I told him that he could have some at home. Turned out the woman sitting behind me was a LLL leader and we had a lovely chat about nursing toddlers. smile

Divvy - my ds's poos went a bit sloppy when he was 18mo and after 6 months I figured that he was intolerent to dairy. Not neccessarily the same with your dc, but perhaps worth thinking about?

mawbroon Sat 11-Oct-08 17:10:18

Oh, cross posts divvy.

10 weeks - totally normal, should thicken when on decent amount of solids

Mij Sat 11-Oct-08 17:14:22

Divvy, is DS quite gassy? The 'with bits in' sounds a bit like DD, although hers was a little tinged green, the yellow orange sounds like the perfect bfed colour.

I used washable nappies, and yes, the poo did stain and only direct sunlight got it out (extremely effectively, I must say). And there was no point in using liners until poo became more solid, just went straight through! Runny poo totally normal.

solo Sat 11-Oct-08 17:23:50

I get the 'she's too old for that now' comments too. I get it from my mum, mil and older family friends. I don't find I need to bf in public as such anymore though, but I'm sure there'd be someone that didn't approve.
I hadn't intended to bf beyond 18 months, but Dd had/has other ideas at 21+ months. I will be attempting to wean her off completely by 2 years though, but I admit, most of the time, I still love it.

crochetdiva Sat 11-Oct-08 17:33:35

Love the chart Tinkerbelle's mum! Thank you! I shall print it out, and put it up on my wall!

TinkerBellesMum Sat 11-Oct-08 17:36:51

I find it helpful to read sometimes, just as a confidence boost to remember why we do it. It's a nice poster at the hospital, but I can only find that text from a FB group.

Divvy Sat 11-Oct-08 18:18:12

Thank you girls smile

He is very gassy, yes. I also have to wind him, as he is getting air in some how.

Another thing, he has just started to suck his thumb, is this going to effect bf in any way?

I know i have alot of questions, and I have had 5 children, but this is the first one I have managed to bf past 1 week!

Balthamos Sat 11-Oct-08 18:40:46

crochetdiva – I understand how you are feeling. My DD is 14.5 months and I try really hard not to BF her in public - because I am so uncomfortable with it (although I do feed her in front of family and in-laws – much to the horror of the MIL and SIL).

The only time I feed her out really is when I am travelling to visit my folks (I fly to them once a month). I do get some funny looks on the flight - which I never had before. I used to get the 'aahh' type thing, and now it is surprised stares or nose-wrinkling. BUT...I am not sure if some of that is because I am looking for it due to my discomfort IYKWIM - whereas when DD was younger, I wasn't anticipating any disapproval, so I didn't see it.

In the whole time I have been BFing her, I have never had any negative comments from the general public – so I guess I have been really lucky. But i guess what I am trying to say in this post, is that I understand what you mean about feeling uncomfortable with the disapproving looks.

ChairmumMiaow Sat 11-Oct-08 18:51:48

I used to be one of those people who found it wierd, and once upon a time I might well have stared blush. Anyway, now I have a DS approaching 9 months, and am predicting looks as he's not a small boy (in mostly 12-18 month clothes cos of that and the cloth nappies) so I guess I'll start getting the looks soon enough

Anyway, just comfort yourself with the idea that like me, people were just ignorant. They don't get that you don't just start feeding a 1/2/3 year old child - your baby keeps doing what is natural too them.

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