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Mother pressuring me to stop BF

(30 Posts)
Twiglett Sun 27-Feb-05 09:24:16

OK normally I'd ignore her, but we're going away for a few days on Monday and have invited Mum and Dad to come with

Those who know me will know I have problems with the concept of extended breastfeeding and yet I have managed to still be doing a night-time feed at 10 months (and it is the only actual 'milk' she has because she won't take milk from a cup / beaker / anything)

I don't mind doing it (am very surprised at this) and plan to keep it up till a year when I will switch her to cow's milk

yet mum's comments are reinforcing my uncomfortableness (is that the word) with the concept in its abstract:

she says stuff like

"don't you think you've done enough"
"why don't you just give her cow's milk"
"we gave you cow's milk and you're fine"
"don't you want your life back"

don't want to argue but need bolstering up before tomorrow to deal with the next 4 nights pressure without just shouting at her and ruining it for everyone .... please

Miaou Sun 27-Feb-05 09:29:25

Prepare yourself with a mantra, which you can repeat through gritted teeth complete with smile, whenever she brings the subject up, eg "Thanks mum, but I feel this is important and I will stop when both she and I are ready" - or whatever puts it in a nutshell for you. Then ignore anything else she says and/or change the subject. Maybe she will change her tune when she sees the lady is not for turning!

alexsmum Sun 27-Feb-05 09:30:35

ok twigg, she's your baby and you know what's best for her. You don't (i'm sure!) still do everything your mum wants in other areas, so just have the same attitude about this. Cows milk was her decision, breast milk is yours.

And if push comes to shove, if dd is only having a night feed, then your mum needn't know.

It amazes me that people have such strong opinions about what is essentially, a very personal matter. I stopped feeding ds2 at 12 months basically because everyone expected me to , and I really regretted it. I missed it so much. You stick to your guns and do what you wnat.

MunchedTooManyMarsLady Sun 27-Feb-05 09:31:14

ditto!

suzywong Sun 27-Feb-05 09:36:18

yes indeed all of the above
( you could also go outside and mouth "mind your own business you interfering old bat" but just say you need some air/have to break wind)

oops Sun 27-Feb-05 09:37:08

Message withdrawn

hercules Sun 27-Feb-05 09:37:15

Give her my number

If that doesnt sort her out, I dont know what will!

Twiglett Sun 27-Feb-05 09:39:31

just go outside and say 'I'm sorry I have to break wind' --- fantastic ROFL

MarmaladeSun Sun 27-Feb-05 15:00:52

My Mum's comments included gems like 'Isn't it about time you gave that baby a proper feed' and 'she's starving, give her a bottle' to (in response to my saying that she wouldn't take a bottle...formula that is) 'she'll take one evntually when she's starving and there's nothing else on offer'. The best one was on a rare night out...I called to see if the kids were ok, and apparently DD ahd guzzled 2 of the bottles of EBM I had left. My mum had told the kids 'see, she doesn't care WHO she gets it from or what it is'. I could understand if DD was malnourished and underweight, but she was 9lb 6oz at birth and never dropped an ounce since, and now weighs around 22lb at 7 months!

beansprout Sun 27-Feb-05 15:19:08

Just wanted to add my support. You know exactly what you are doing (and what you are doing is best, without a shadow of a doubt). If it were me, I would ask, ever so nicely, and genuinely, why it bothers her?

If anyone said "well, you were fed cows milk", I really would respond with "well yes, but this isn't a cow".

Hope you have a good few days away. Keep feeding your marmitey goodness!

JoolsToo Sun 27-Feb-05 15:50:34

I agree with everyone - you know whats best - you should always follow your own instincts imho but I would like to add a word about mothers and their advice.

I know we all have different relationships with our mothers and they can be annoying (so I've been told ) - but just stop and think because one day, I'd like to bet, you'll be a grandmother offering advice on your experiences which may not be welcome either - so go easy on them!

thedogmother Sun 27-Feb-05 16:19:33

Twig - stick with your decision, you may be sad if you don't.

Just tell your mum, that you have decided to wait until baby is a year old, and will she please respect your decision?

And of course agree with all her other comments about how well you have turned out.

I breast-fed ds2 to a year and was v proud of myself as only managed about 3 months with ds1 as didn't have the support of family, dh wasn't around much due to work commitments, so was determined to get to a year with ds2.

thedogmother Sun 27-Feb-05 16:20:14

and then enjoy your days away!

x doggie.

pixiefish Sun 27-Feb-05 16:20:28

god I am so glad it's not just my mother. I tend to totally ignore any comments she makes, pretend that I haven't heard them and talk about something totally different...

'isn't it about time you stopped breastfeeding...'

'... so who do you think should be the next james bond then- I think it should be...'

Pinotmum Sun 27-Feb-05 16:32:11

My mum did this a little and when I explained I would give up at 12 months and then switch to cow's milk and that I agreed with her that I had indeed given my ds the best start blah de blah. She left off then.

cloudy Sun 27-Feb-05 17:12:58

No you haven't done enough for him, yet, Twiglett. Not as much as you want to, anyway. Why is it a bad thing to do as much as you can for your baby? Why are people so keen to speed up the end of their babyhood? As for getting your life back.. have I missed something or isn't motherhood for life?? As if we will ever get our old lives back! "Really, Mum? That sounds good. How much do you think I'll fetch for her on Ebay?"

Prufrock Sun 27-Feb-05 21:50:44

This would be the woman who is not calling your dd by her gorgeous name or even more gorgeous nickname becauseshe doesn't like it? And you care what she thinks?

But as you have to counter her arguemnt, can you not plead convienience as a just cause for a bf rather than a bottle (of anything). Or say that she needs to be cuddled to sleep in her room so whilst you are there you may as well be feeding her? Or even say that you are doing it for your sake (reduced risk of breast cancer etc - rather than dd's)

MarmaladeSun Sun 27-Feb-05 23:11:26

Or just say 'Sorry, but I think that's My business don't you?'

HunkerMunker Sun 27-Feb-05 23:18:29

Interested to know what you've been living for the last ten months if it's not your life?

Tell her you gave up breastfeeding ages ago, but DD is still doing it, the cheeky blighter.

How did the cab arrangements go, Twig? Are they still panicking about how they'll get there? xxx

Redhotmamma Sun 27-Feb-05 23:21:33

I have been there and hope you manage to ignore any comments she makes. I think it is not even worth engaging with other people who critcise you on this one. Just let it wash over you. Your baby is still very little and you only get to breastfeed once. Once you stop you can't go back, so don't stop until you feel it's right for both you and your baby.

milward Sun 27-Feb-05 23:26:13

Just thank her for her advice and get on with what you want to do. Just let her go on about it and completely ignore what she says. Your dd is your baby and you know what's best. Like all the tips and comments from everyone else. Let us know what works. Well done on the bf

bobbybob Sun 27-Feb-05 23:35:08

I'm still feeding ds (2 yesterday) and my mum and dad are over for his birthday. Mum has made a couple of comments (mostly about "bitty" from Little Britain). I said I was getting my information from the World Health Organisation and my ds, not from 2 comedians. When she says something I ignore - if offensive, challenge - if wrong and laugh - if it's a joke (even if it's not funny).
If my mum said the things your mum says - I would say:
"don't you think you've done enough?" No, she's still a baby.
"why don't you give cow's milk?" Because it's for cows, possibly full of antibiotics, needs storing in the fridge and needs all sorts of equipment to serve"
"we gave you cow's milk and you're fine" You made your decisions, I couldn't argue with you then and I won't argue with you now.
"don't you want your life back?" I don't understand (literally, make her justify this ridiculous statement, it means nothing)

Good luck.

HunkerMunker Sun 27-Feb-05 23:36:57

<<hijack - Happy Birthday to Bobbybob's Bob!>>

sweetkitty Mon 28-Feb-05 00:26:44

I'm in the same situation having to justify why I am still Bfing DD at 7 months
"don't you want to get drunk" no I get awful hangovers
"whats she getting from it now anyway"
"it'll stop her wanting proper food"
"isn't DP getting annoyed" (with the non access)

the list goes on and on Breastfed/Bottlefed, jars/homemade, cosleeping/sleeping on their own from day one damned if you do damned if you dont the phrase "can't win" springs to mind

goreousgirl Mon 28-Feb-05 00:32:00

Twiglett, have not read other responses - but wierdly, a friend of mine had EXACTLY the same problem and response. It was only after the breastfeeding finished, and she had a 'drinky' chat with her mum, that she worked out her mum had 'given in' with the breastfeeding, and wished she had been able to continue - so my friend suspects her mum may be a little jealous?!

I stopped bf my ds at 7 mo - and he has caught every bug going since. I feel sure he'd have been OK with breastmilk antibodies - but we'll never know. Keep up the good work - you're brilliant!!

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