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AIBU to be irritated by the no. of threads about very hungry new bf babies and sleep deprivation?

(147 Posts)
StarlightMcKenzie Wed 27-Aug-08 14:33:30

Message withdrawn

sweetkitty Wed 27-Aug-08 14:39:06

I'm on baby number 3 so I know what to expect I have been through it all before but having a newborn again still hits you for 6, you forget what it is truly like.

No wonder first timers are all over the place.

I think it is some kind of secret it's like if someone says to me "oh SK how are you doing is DD3 a good baby" I reply "oh it's fine yes she's great" when what I really want to say is

"I was up 6 times last night I know for the next few months no make that years I will never get a full nights sleep, I never get a minute and can't even wipe my bum in peace, DD2 is an utter nightmare who screams and tantrums about 12 times a day if you tell her no, sometimes I have to leave the baby crying as nothing would get done, I can hardly get a shower, haven't had my hair cut in 6 months and make up whats that?, I feel like a crap mum as I cannot devote enough qaulity time to any of them, my house is a tip, DP and I don't have a relationship we just co parent oh and breastfeeding is the only time my bum hits a seat!"

stillstanding Wed 27-Aug-08 14:39:44

I suspect that (like you now) they just want to rant too so ... yes YABU

TheCrackFox Wed 27-Aug-08 14:41:01

TBH - nothing really prepares you for the sleep deprivation that a new baby brings. Some babies are are also more demanding than others. No strategy can really help the fact that your body needs about 8 hours sleep uninterrupted - not months/years of fragmented sleep.

StarlightMcKenzie Wed 27-Aug-08 14:44:55

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gingerninja Wed 27-Aug-08 14:46:11

Yes you are. NOTHING prepares you for sleep deprivation and BF'ing not working in the begining or having no experience of bfing. None of my family were supportive of bf'ing and few friends least of all knowing the facts so you are full of questions.

Pre baby you're not as hormonal so you can think rationally but after the baby is born this also makes the first few months incredibly hard and you do doubt everything you do.

Not everyone has support. I had no one locally and a bf'ing councillor on the other end of the phone which was next to useless. That is why there are probably hundreds of neurotic threads from me when my DD was born. MN was the only real support I had and I'm glad people were supportive and didn't give me a hard time else I'd have cracked up.

combustiblelemon Wed 27-Aug-08 14:52:23

I hate the 'good baby' thing.

StarlightMcKenzie Wed 27-Aug-08 14:53:16

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gingerninja Wed 27-Aug-08 14:59:21

Well it's a cultural thing really isn't it. I live miles from family and friends, spent 11 years commuting so know no one locally. That's modern life. Your post did seem more critical of women finding it hard though.

wasabipeanut Wed 27-Aug-08 15:02:37

I think you're being a bit harsh. Rationally, every new mother knows that sleep deprivation is coming (and probably has been prepared by having to pee 8 times a night since being 6 months preg) but the true extent of it can never be prepared for.

I didn't really have time to mn that much until my ds was about 4 months, and frankly, I think that was a good thing as it probably would have led me to over analyse when actually nothing was wrong.

I do think Sweet Kitty has a point though - people pretend its easier than it is. God only knows why.

CatIsSleepy Wed 27-Aug-08 15:05:50

i think people could tell you it was hard etc til they were blue in the face and you'd still be unprepared
it is literally a shock to the system, especially when combined with hardcore sleep deprivation and perhaps taking a while to recover from the birth

also...maybe there's a fine line between informing people and putting them off the whole idea
eg i spoke to my sister about it alot when I started bfing and was having trouble and only then did she tell me how hard she'd found it to begin with too

marymungoandmidge Wed 27-Aug-08 15:09:35

Yes you are being unreasonable. Cast your mind back to when you were a new Mum - nothing- no amount of NCT classes ever prepares you for the first 6 weeks... so there!

TinkerBellesMum Wed 27-Aug-08 15:09:53

For me sleep deprivation was before we came home from hospital. Once I had her home I never complained about lack of sleep when she was home. We put her in the cot when she went down and then brought her in with us when she first woke up, we didn't really wake again, although she usually woke when we went to bed anyway.

I think one of the biggest things that helped me feel comfortable with when she did wake, which didn't bother me anyway, was to remember that at that age four hours is sleeping through.

alexpolismum Wed 27-Aug-08 15:10:23

It's not just that people pretend, they actually comment on you not coping. My MIL loves to tell me how she got up every morning at 5.30 to get breakfast ready for her husband and make his coffee before he left for work at 6am, despite having 2 young children and broken sleep. She is shocked that I have never ever got up early to make dh coffee and comments on how tired I get with my 2 young children. (obviously she never got tired)

RubySlippers Wed 27-Aug-08 15:11:54


i think the realities of parenthood are so different to the theory - you can read all you like, attend all the workshops that are available but when you are having NO sleep and a baby which seems to want permanently feeding you are convinced you are doing something wrong

the breastfeeding "support" i had was woeful

wastingmyeducation Wed 27-Aug-08 15:12:28

The point being that new mums are surprised, not that they post about it?
I think its partly the fact that everyone goes on about good babies. If anyone asks I say 'no, not really', they always look surprised, because people always lie, so yes, how are we supposed to know how much hard work they are?
Partly, older mums don't have a realistic recollection of how life was like with their newborns, so don't warn the mums-to-be.
And lastly, I think that even if you warned mums-to-be what life will be like, they wouldn't believe you! My life is so far removed from anything I'd ever experienced before, I'm not sure I was actually prepared, even though I'd spent months before DS arrival scouring MN.


wasabipeanut Wed 27-Aug-08 15:12:29

Do you think she's telling the truth Alexpolismum?

TinkerBellesMum Wed 27-Aug-08 15:16:06

BTW I didn't have any classes or any preparation. My family don't breastfeed, my sister was BF because she wouldn't take the bottle but she was a sleepy baby so Mum's perception on BFing is skewed anyway. If I had have said anything to my family I would have had "give her a bottle then"

I understand totally what you are saying, Starlight and I don't think YABU.

I guess it's part of the same reason I don't want Tink having babies with bottles and dummies. I had a row with Mum the other day over this issue. She thinks I'm being unrealistic because it might not be part of her world but it is part of other kids. But then other kids parents swear and other kids swear, we don't and we will have to tell her why we don't swear and why we don't want her swearing and why other children do. I don't see the difference.

alexpolismum Wed 27-Aug-08 15:21:45

of course not!

She also tells me her children always loved each other dearly, never fought and never got jealous. Both dh and sil have quite a different tale to tell.

my mum does it too, although to a lesser extent. "I coped with 3 children under 3yo, you've only got 2, how come you're still in your pyjamas looking shattered?" she'll say. My dad tells me she's just forgotten how much help she used to have from my gran with the night waking.

wasabipeanut Wed 27-Aug-08 15:24:14

Its amazing how these little things get edited out isn't it?? smile

StarlightMcKenzie Wed 27-Aug-08 15:25:14

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FRAGGLE06 Wed 27-Aug-08 15:25:37

A lot of people do have unrealistic expectations of their babies, i've met Mums who are attempting controlled crying at 3 months.
Conversely i'm told DD 16mths is a problem sleeper because I feed her back to sleep every 4 - 5 hrs. Quite who it's a problem for I don't know.

alexpolismum Wed 27-Aug-08 15:27:04

Tinkerbellesmum - my sister bf her dd, and when she was given a baby doll with a bottle, she actually held it to her chest to "express" some milk and fill it up! (she has a younger brother and my sister expressed for him when she went back to work, so she'd heard about it from there)

alexpolismum Wed 27-Aug-08 15:28:53

it really makes me laugh when I hear the expression "he slept like a baby" grin

toodles Wed 27-Aug-08 15:38:28

I get what you're saying SK. I also think that there should be lots more breastfeeding support out there and for Mums to be, to be given realistic info about what might/can happen with newborns. Wouldn't it be lovely if there was a breastfeeding professional at the birth to give support and advice as soon as baby arrives? I'm sure that the breastfeeding relationship starts to go wrong right at the beginning so Mums just give up because there's nobody to help them and of course they don't want to starve their babies so you get the "I didn't have enough milk and baby was starving".

I think that some posters think you're having a rant at the various OP's but from what I can gather you're having a rant at the system and the lack of info for new Mums.

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