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I just want to have a little rant. No need to reply. It's a bit long I'm afraid.

(20 Posts)
BouncingTurtle Thu 21-Aug-08 21:30:21

DS is nearly 8 months old, BLW since he was 23-24 weeks, and still bfed on demand. We have the vaguest of vague routines.
He will not under any circumstances take a bottle. He thinks cups are great for banging on his high chair and throwing on the floor because it's funny making Mummy pick it up umpteen times.
He still feeds during the night - most nights he'll wake up twice, sometimes a bit more frequently.

I mention this in passing to people I know, and I inevitably get the following.

1) Surely he should be sleeping through the night?
2) He'll just be comfort nursing, you should leave him to cry.
3) If he won't take a bottle, you should wean him off the breast completely.
4) How much milk does he drink?
5) How much food is he eating? Surely he should be on 3 meals a day?

AAGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

1) Most people lie about their babies' sleep. Judging from posts on here I would not expect my baby to be sleeping through the night yet - and a paediatrician quoted in the NCSS says that he would not expect a baby to start sleeping through until 40 weeks! Yes some babies do sleep through much earlier than than but that doesn't mean mine will!!
2) I think I can tell the difference between hungry nursing and comfort nursing. And so fucking what if he is comfort nursing? I'd rather do that than spend 2 hours when I could be asleep rocking the little blighter back to sleep!
3) Yes that'll help - listening to my baby hysterically crying for hours because mummy won't feed him - ds has waited 5 hours for me to feed him rather than take the nice, warm, lovingly prepared bottle Dh was offering him. Then suffering painful engorgement while my milk dries up, then thinking about all the benefits of natural term breastfeeding that we'll be missing out on, then having to fork out for formula until he can have cow's milk.
Plus with him going to nursery he might feel even more unsettled if not only am I giving care of him to a virtual stranger for nearly 10 hours a day, I then deny him lovely snuggly boobie when I do get him!
4) Last time I checked I didn't have a meter guage on my boobs!
5) Err no, food is for fun until there one, and he eats however much he wants!

Essentially what people are saying to me is that I should stop bfing.

Thanks if you did bother to read this, just a bit narked when well-meaning friends and relatives come out with such useful advice hmm
Perhaps I should stop ever mentioning DS's sleeping/feeding... or just lie when asked!

BTW - I have absolutely nothing against ff, it's just that it seems daft to me to stop bfing when I've been lucky enough able to do it successfully!

Umlellala Thu 21-Aug-08 21:34:06

Just wanted to say 'rant away' and you know you're right! grin

preggersplayspop Thu 21-Aug-08 21:35:52

I totally agree with everything you have written, especially point 2. Who gives a toss if its for comfort?

PinkTulips Thu 21-Aug-08 21:37:57

[applauds]

grin

sleepycat Thu 21-Aug-08 21:39:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PigeonPie Thu 21-Aug-08 21:40:35

I had quite a bit of this two years ago with DS1. He's now a very happy confident toddler who eats brilliantly (mostly) and sleeps (mostly).

Well done and keep going grin

TheOldestCat Thu 21-Aug-08 21:43:00

Yes, do rant away!

And be very, very suspicious of 'well-meaning' types who over-use the word 'should'.

princessglitter Thu 21-Aug-08 21:43:19

My dd2 is 10 months and the same. I now just lie and say of course she sleeps through the night!

MotherJones Thu 21-Aug-08 21:49:30

You ROCK!!! Have totally experienced everything you've said, plus never-ending eye rolling when we also say we're co-sleeping...

Keep on doing what you're doing!!!!!!!!! Eff em'!!!

BouncingTurtle Thu 21-Aug-08 21:55:23

Thanks all! Nice to know it's not just me that gets this... though I suspected I wasn't alone.

It's hard because I know they only mean well but my tongue is getting sore from me constantly having to bite it!

DS is in his own room but we do sometimes co-sleep as well.

thisisyesterday Thu 21-Aug-08 22:00:34

I hate hate hate the "it's just for comfort" thing.

well what the fucking fuck am I here for if not to COMFORT my child??????????? what is SO wrong about comforting him/her????/

oh people annoy me a lot. they really do.

I've said it on here before and will say it again. tghe best thing is to turn it all round on them.
ie:

"He'll just be comfort nursing, you should leave him to cry"

"oh should I? what makes you think that?"

"oh, Dr Fanny Crappity on tv says so"

"do you have any research to back that up?" etc etc etc

they soon back down when they realise they can't answer your questions

BabiesEverywhere Thu 21-Aug-08 22:14:34

Here Here

My mother suggested today that I limit my 11 day old DS feeds because he put on 11 ozs in the last 7 days, because....you guessed it...he is only nursing for comfort angry

But as my mum disapproved of me nursing my daughter past one, nursing whilst pregnant and tandem nursing, I was expecting this kind of comment on DS fab weight gain.

PinkTulips Fri 22-Aug-08 11:51:53

even my parents don't realise i'm still nursing ds who's 2 as i got so sick of my mother's

'isn't about time you stopped that now?' 6 months
'you must be looking foward to stopping that soon' 8 months
'you've done more than enough now' 4 weeks
'he/she won't sleep til he has some formula to fill him/her up' from birth
'do you really think that's necessary at this stage?' 12 months

angry[head exploding emoticon]

onepieceoflollipop Fri 22-Aug-08 11:59:20

You sound like great mum BouncingTurtle.

You know what is best for your baby.

BouncingTurtle Fri 22-Aug-08 12:13:13

[Smile]

Thank you.

I can hand-on-heart say I'm not sure that I would still be breastfeeding if it hadn't been for the lovely ladies on Mumsnet who have given me such much good advice, support and encouragement over the last 8 months.

ChairmumMiaow Fri 22-Aug-08 12:18:09

Rant away!

I have been sleep training DS lately (due to sheer exhaustion and co-sleeping not working for us ) and I get funny looks when I say I'm "aiming" for 2 wakeups - not sleeping through (DS is 7 months)

You need to do what's right for you and screw the rest of them!

charitas Fri 22-Aug-08 13:25:10

Rant away tis better than trying to get a sensibleanswer in rl. You sound like you're doing a great job

moondog Fri 22-Aug-08 19:25:43

I hate hate hate the "it's just for comfort" thing.

well what the fucking fuck am I here for if not to COMFORT my child??????????? what is SO wrong about comforting him/her????/

Brilliantly put Thisisyesterday.
Why do people think tiny babies need controlling and training. It is utterly creepy and repellant.

Glad you feel better BT. smile

Reesie Fri 22-Aug-08 20:23:49

What a lovely rant!

I suppose everyone has advice on parening and happily voice their optinions on how it should be done.

The problem is is that parenting is such hard work and the sleeping and feeding are such major issues.

I agree with you completely - being caring to your child, meeting his/her needs and acting on your instinct is the best thing you can do. In a nutshell - you should be kind to your child I can't see leaving your baby hungry or cry on his/her own for hours on end would fall into that categary.

People rather than accept that babies are actually supposed to behave in this way - try and change things (ie baby won't sleep all night at 6 months old) find it impoosible to do so then get completely stressed about it and therefore resort to difficut decisions (ie controlled crying). I know this from personal experince...

Thankfully I saw the light and am now a very relaxed mellow mum with a very happy, loving , independant toddler. I hope I'll feel the same when no 2 comes along!

You sound like a wonderful mum by the way!

onwardandupward Fri 22-Aug-08 21:40:27

I've got the answer to the comfort thing:

"yes. Isn't it marvellous. Much less chance of him/her needing a brace when he's older, because sucking a nipple doesn't push the teeth around whereas sucking a thunb or a dummy does. Ooh I'd much rather invest the time now than go through all that later, wouldn't you?"

[unbearably smug emoticon at finally having a comeback line]

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