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I think I'm going to have to wean ds, and it's breaking my heart...

(21 Posts)
theSuburbanDryad Sun 10-Aug-08 11:08:26

Ds is 19mo, i'm currently somewhere between 10 and 14 weeks pg with dc2 and my milk supply has dropped rapidly in the past couple of days. I've also been having a really strong aversion to him nursing, or even touching me, and have been spending long periods of time fending him off me - even cuddles. sad

I've heard that this is similar to what happens when bf-ing mothers are on their periods, and that taking calcium and magnesium can help to build up supply? I can't have him nursing constantly to build up the supply because it's making me want to post him through an upstairs window at the moment.

I really didn't want to wean him. I was going to tandem nurse, if he wanted to, but I just don't think I'm up to it.

WilfSell Sun 10-Aug-08 11:10:19

Oh sorry to hear this: no experience of this to advise but feeling for you...

ShowOfHands Sun 10-Aug-08 11:15:50

Oh I'm sorry you feel like this. It must be horrible for you. I'm not in your exact position (not pg) but I hit a lowpoint with feeding my 15mo recently. I had mastitis three times in 6 weeks and 2 super heavy periods which wiped me out. DD is also teething so was biting the already mastitis-ridden boobs till they bled. I got to the point where the thought of the next feed made me cry. The cuddles (enthusiastic cuddles at that) hurt my bleeding, swollen boobs, I kept pushing dd away and I almost called it a day. I persevered though, don't know how but the sadness at stopping countered the pain and discomfort.

I don't know what to suggest. Sorry this is a bit rambly and not exactly related but I know the dual feeling of not wanting to stop but not wanting to carry on.

Can you express to increase supply? Or is the idea of that as abhorrent?

If you do stop, you must not feel guilty.

I hope you get some advice from those in the know.

I'm sorry you feel sad about it. It's such a complicated relationship, breastfeeding. Once I'd mastered the physical side of it I was surprised by the emotional side of it, especially as we continue into extended bfing.

Bumperlicious Sun 10-Aug-08 11:29:40

SD that's tough, (I don't think I knew you were PG, congrats btw!).

Like SOH I'm not pg but know how you feel. DD is 13mo and I am losing my enthusiam for BFing. I'm just exhausted by it and feel like DD is invading my personal space. But there is another part of me that just doesn't want to stop on principle. That sounds stupid doesn't it? I want to be an extended bfer and will feel like I am leaving a club. Plus I don't want to have to refuse DD.

I don't have any advice as no experience of nursing while pg, but just wanted to say I know how you feel.

theSuburbanDryad Sun 10-Aug-08 11:33:31

Have any of you ever heard of taking calcium/magnesium supplements to boost supply?

Ds just has these annoying little things he does, and i know he's only doing them to try and make the milk flow (he tries to twiddle my other nipple, or "kneads" my breast) but when I'm only letting him nurse with gritted teeth i can't bear him touching my other breast as well. How am I going to cope with a newborn and a toddler on there?

Feeling very low and resenting new baby today. Not helping that I am recovering from horrible cold and have very tight chest and bad cough. sad

somebodyhelpme Sun 10-Aug-08 11:43:26

I too feel your pain, tsd, First off can I juat say congrats on the acheavement you have already made in feeding him this long, and on the new baby grin

I fed my 4th ds for 5 months whilst pregnant, and stoped because I was exhausted, he was still waking in the night, i had spd and three other kids, he was at this point 20months, I thought it was the best thing for me, but it wasnt for him, and I have really regretted it ever since, I felt like I had let him down, I didnt realise the emotional ties we had created, and he wouldnt even sit on my knee for the first month after we stopped, sad and he has had real problems with his baby bro.

Please think long and hard if it is really what you want, I'm not saying dont stop, just be sure your making the right desision for both of you,

Good luck with whichever you choose, I am now feeding my 5th ds (14months) till he wants to stop! I'm sure you'll get loads of support here grin

theSuburbanDryad Sun 10-Aug-08 11:53:56

I do want to carry on, I just don't see how it's possible at the moment. I feel as though I'm doing irreparable damage to our relationship at the moment anyway.

Ds doesn't sleep through yet - and I thought i was ok with it. He starts off the night in his own bed (in our room) then comes in with us at some point in the night and nurses back to sleep. Currently I'm finding that he wakes me up when he nurses and I have to push him away, which of course upsets him and wakes us all up!

TotalChaos Sun 10-Aug-08 11:55:42

my friend's supply went when she was PG, so she stopped bfing her older child, but started again after the birth and her supply came back. so maybe you could see the weaning as a temporary measure?

theSuburbanDryad Sun 10-Aug-08 11:59:39

TC - would he retain his ability to latch, do you think? He'd have stopped for 6 months by the time dc2 is here. Do you know how long your friend's dc stopped for?

Bumperlicious Sun 10-Aug-08 12:15:27

I would have thought so SD, there have been a few threads on here, including one at the moment about older children trying bfing when the new baby comes along.

I'm sure at the moment you are not causing "irreparable damage" to your relationship. It sounds like the choice is between the lesser of two evils, keeping the bfing going and resenting DS and the new baby and feeling rubbish or weaning DS and him being angry with you about it.

Not sure about the magnesium. Are you able to take fennugreek while pg?

What you have to remember SD is it's your body, and not only that but you are growing a new baby inside of it that you also have to think about. I'm sure you must be feeling guilty towards DS in many ways, imposing a new bro or sis on him, considering weaning, being fed up with feeding, but his will have to learn that the world isn't all about him pretty quickly when the new baby comes along. The other thing to consider is how you will manage him wanting to sleep with you and nurse in the night when you have a newborn?

We go on all the time about how wondering bfing is, how good it is to self wean and how confident and secure it makes our DCs. What we forget is that there are plenty of non-bfed, early weaners out there who are perfectly secure and well-adjusted children. Weaning DS would be hard now, for both of you, but I can't imagine for one minute that it will affect your relationship with him in the long term.

Of course I say this all from the position of a first-time mum who is still continuing bfing even though I don't particularly want to on some principle and because I don't want to upset my baby, so what do I know grin!

I hope you get things sorted soon. The most important thing is to look after yourself for the new baby. DS will be fine whatever happens. He's been very lucky to have had the undivided attention of such a caring mum till now.

theSuburbanDryad Sun 10-Aug-08 18:00:31

We've been able to nurse today - still not keen on him footling around while he's nursing but i've never really liked him doing that, so that's fine.

It seems to be mainly at night that the problems start. Maybe I just need to night wean and get him in his own room/bed.

Bumperlicious Sun 10-Aug-08 19:56:10

I think that sounds like a good idea all round SD. If you aren't being disturbed at night maybe you will feel better about feeding during the day.

I hate the bloody nipple twiddling too! But DD sobs if I don't let her. Sometimes it's just easier to let her get on with it though.

Good luck

theSuburbanDryad Sun 10-Aug-08 20:01:03

I've never let ds nipple twiddle - it would drive me up the wall! Sometimes it's meant that I have to sit with one hand covering my other nipple and sometimes I have to practically tie him down! He usually gets bored by that point and goes to find something else to destroy play with! wink

pointydog Sun 10-Aug-08 20:05:16

Can you not just change your mindset, stop bfing and concentrate on both of you being relaxed and content?

CoolYourJets Sun 10-Aug-08 20:10:11

I night weaned at that stage SD. I felt awful and was starting to hate feeding my pfb. it was\so impotant to her though.

I fed until pfb was 4 btw!

I found a sippy cup helpful as due to supply issues there wasn't enough milk for a decnt drink. And feeding was quite painful at that stage. PFB used to sit up have a feed while clutching a sippy cup then down a cup of water.

I also used to say ok but for a count of 10 and She soon got used to popping off at zero.

Tandem nursing was hard but rewarding and my two are very close and had minimum jealousy issues.

Hope you find a way that suits you and yours sd.

theSuburbanDryad Sun 10-Aug-08 20:54:36

I think night weaning might be the answer, tbh.

But we're sort in the very early stages of buying a house, and i don't want to put him in his own room and then move him again into a new house. So i guess we'll put up with it and see how we go - and then once we're more settled in the new house we'll night wean and get him in his own room!

CoolYourJets Sun 10-Aug-08 21:14:27

I night weaned and co slept it can be done with lots of help from dad.

I think it was Dr jay gordon who wrote some good stuff on it.

you could try offering him a drink after a wee while latched on. BM gets saltier too at this stage so less thirst quenching.

It is a hard stage with lots of choices.

blueshoes Sun 10-Aug-08 22:17:11

SD, I totally sympathise. My ds 23 months has suddenly stepped up a gear with his bf-ing. And I am feeling all touched out and frankly just a bit resentful. The only way I can cope is to impose limits on his feeding, otherwise (I tell myself) he is Off!

So that means no twiddling, or fondling me - I tell him to keep his hands to himself and hold them down firmly. No feeding before 5 am (we co-sleep). If I don't feel like it, I will say 'no' and mean it. Sometimes, he will be placated by cuddles, others he goes ballistic. But I am fed up and he won't relent on his demands.

So we muddle on ...

TotalChaos Mon 11-Aug-08 13:27:18

My friend's DD had a several month break - think my friend's milk went early on in 2nd trimester IIRC - she had absolutely no probs latching on after the break.

charleymouse Mon 11-Aug-08 13:59:13

SD can totally sympathise, I think it may just be early days with your pregnancy. I felt a bit tender at first when tandem feeding and DD was a very good feeder.

DD stopped when I knew I would have to have a Csection. She started again after her brother was home so a break of about 5 months. Not sure about the supplements though.

It sounds like you are just a bit run down. DS likes to hold/touch the other nipple it's almost like he is checking it will be there for when he has finished the first one. Sometimes I don't mind he just rests his hand on it other times he wants to tweak and it drives me bananas. I shove it under my arm. hmm Sorry state of affairs my breasts are in.

I agree with the house move thing we have just moved and it was one thing that remained constant for both DC amongst all the chaos unsettling around them.

Congratulations on getting this far, you have done a stirling job.

clarita Mon 11-Aug-08 16:37:44

Hiya

Congratulations on pregnancy no.2. I had to wean by little boy earlier than planned (7 months) because of a pregnancy. i got hyperemesis and needed to take drugs which aren't recommended when breastfeeding.

I felt guilty and advice from suppoedly 'support' organisations didn't help in that regard (they told me to expect him to be 'traumatised). However, he got over it very, very quickly and I soon did too.

Concentrate on keeping yourself well and the new baby - and good luck! All good practice for when the next one comes along and you're torn between meeting the needs of two children at different stages!!!

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