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I am a mess, and feel stupid posting yet again.

(53 Posts)
turtle23 Sat 09-Aug-08 21:18:20

I think I may be going completely mad. DS is 19 weeks and I hated BF for the first 12 or so as had thrush and tongue tie and and and...I decided for my own selfish reasons to put him onto bottles two weeks ago and it took over a week for him to accept it, though still BF at night. He is now teething and very distressed, and although he still takes the bottle has a lot of "boobie time" to feel better. I have realised that I was being a selfish witch and am now wanting to go back to BF. I know, how cruel is that to do to a little boy to mess about like this?! Is it too disruptive? Am I being horrible? The time and space has given me perspective and I don't ever want to deny him what's best ever again. I just want to scream when I think how stupid I've been. Do I go back?

thisisyesterday Sat 09-Aug-08 21:24:40

turtle, I don't think you've been horrible, or stupid or anything.
Tongue tie and thrush are HORRIBLE. I have fed through both, and gave up bf my first baby because of it, so I Know how you feel and you have my every sympathy.

You've done what you needed to do to keep going.
the good news is that of course you can go back to exclusive breastfeeding. it isn't being disruptive at all, and certainly not horrible. it sounds like he really loves and needs the comfort of being bf so I should imagine he will enjoy being offered it more!

chubbleigh Sat 09-Aug-08 21:26:36

Go back if you can, get some proper face to face advice, but most importantly calm down and stop punishing yourself.

moondog Sat 09-Aug-08 21:26:51

I'd second that. Thrush alone had me on verge of taking chainsaw to entire family including baby.

moondog Sat 09-Aug-08 21:27:04

Fab that he will still breastfeed. Just do it a lot to get supply up and stop torturing yourself. smile

CantSleepWontSleep Sat 09-Aug-08 21:28:24

Oh it's fab that you want to go back to bf, not mean at all.

If he's happy to take it then offer lots to build your supply back up.

turtle23 Sat 09-Aug-08 21:30:34

Have just been on the phone with very nice LLL lady, but am still trying to convince myself that it will all be ok. I think my hormones are just as confused. Have been wandering about in a tearful daze all day wondering what to do. Just need to get milk supply up again.

Thinkstoomuch Sat 09-Aug-08 21:31:12

You've had a tough time and shouldn't blame yourself for making the decision to go to bottles. And I don't think it's at all horrible to now go back to BF exclusively if you can. Your lovely baby will be happy I'm sure if you do smile.

moondog Sat 09-Aug-08 21:31:29

It should be fine as yuo established your supply. Calm down. smile

turtle23 Sat 09-Aug-08 21:31:57

Oh, he will...every time my breasts get near him his little face lights up and he squeals. I feel like a complete ___. OK, will stop beating myself up now.

LaTrucha Sat 09-Aug-08 21:34:28

Tiktok gave me a lot of help in gettng back to full bf after stupid 'topping up' advice from HV. I'll try and remember some words from the thread title to find it but things that really helped were expressing to up the supply; feeding as much as possible and I felt that drinking loads helped with the supply though this is purely subjective.

I really think you should be able to go back, though I am ignorant. I had a 5 days of no bf at all and she went straight back on like an angel.

Don't beat yourself up. You're doing fab. It's a very, very trying time and you were doing what you felt you had to. Now you feel you're able to do something else. Go for it!

p.s. my dd still bf at 7 months. Don't knwo how I'm going to get her off!

turtle23 Sat 09-Aug-08 21:38:47

Thanks for the kind words, ladies. Nobody ever tells you how totally emotional BF is. LO sleeps from 7-7 with one small wake/feed at 4...do we think I should be pumping in the evening/night a bit to up supply? Is it better to do often or leave it a bit inbetween? Daren't shout for tiktok as she was so helpful when I was giving up last week. [guilty emoticon]

Thinkstoomuch Sat 09-Aug-08 21:42:39

I'd say offer him BFs all day long, frequently, and then maybe express after the 4am feed if it's a short one? Not an expert though. (And Tiktok will probably be delighted you're back to the booby!)

thisisyesterday Sat 09-Aug-08 21:47:20

yes, I would def express in the evening after he has gone to bed.
offer breast first at every feed too.
and pump as much as you want really.
I am sure you';ll get your supply back up quickly if he is feeding plenty from you

lisad123 Sat 09-Aug-08 21:50:33

take yourself off to bed for a day or so if possible. If he wants boobie give it too him, relax and enjoy. I had to get my supply up after being in hospital for 3 weeks and only expressing 3-4 times a day, and this really helped
My GP was fab, and said if i feed as often as needed my supply will be good withn 3 days and it truely was.
I think your very brave to go back to it. well done

turtle23 Sat 09-Aug-08 22:18:16

Off to bed with a large glass of water and the medela. I feel much better about things. Thank you. Think Sunday is going to be a bed day. Have made myself meals for tomorrow and put them in fridge so can maximise time spent just concentrating on relaxing and feeding my lovely baby.

littleducks Sat 09-Aug-08 22:24:23

oh you poor, poor thing it has been so, so tough on you

just go to bed with lo and chill out and relax for a bit, seriously he is still small enough to spend all day in bed you can snooze he can nap, play with toys practice rolling all in bed for a day, soon he will be too lively for you to keep contained

and turtle i think some sleep would do you the world of good, rope dh in so you get some shut eye sometime next week

jammi Sun 10-Aug-08 00:28:11

Message withdrawn

noolia Sun 10-Aug-08 12:33:52

Hope you are feeling better Turtle.
Recognise you from March thread - don't be too hard on yourself! Don't forget that v few people bf for so long so you have already been amazing what ever you do next.

FfreckleFface Sun 10-Aug-08 19:42:52

Hi Turtle - how did your bed day go? You definitely definitely shouldn't feel guilty about going back to bf. Hope he's been better.

turtle23 Sun 10-Aug-08 21:48:56

Very lovely bed day. Forgot that breast pump isn't v comfortable, though. I don't seem to be making much milk, but I'm sure it will improve. DS has been over the moon to have his best friends back. He just spent the entire day sucking away, breaking every 5 mins or so to smile. It was like Christmas for both of us.
Thankful that he is still taking the bottles inbetween to get enough food, and he seems to know what thedeal is...fingers crossed.
Anyone got any suggestions for breast pump soreness? I get red ring round my nipple where it pulls in even if it's not very strong...

turtle23 Sun 10-Aug-08 21:49:21

btw, noolia...who were you before?

LaTrucha Mon 11-Aug-08 15:57:59

Lansinoh? I got this too. MAybe you're not getting so much milk due to time of day. I still think it's worth it.

VictorianSqualor Mon 11-Aug-08 16:16:35

turtle, it doesn't matter how little/much milk you are able to express, the suction itself will stimulate supply even if you can't get any out. But best thing to do is just let LO feed, feed and feed some more, and please stop beating yourself up!
You've done great and you're still doing great.smile

LaTrucha Mon 11-Aug-08 16:17:42

p.s. sounds like a lovely day for you both!

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