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stopping b/f at night! any Tips for a very tired mum

(24 Posts)
doyler Wed 09-Feb-05 12:14:07

My d/s i s now 8 1/2 months old and fully breast fed.Went back 2 work a month ago.D/s has been a night feeder from day one.He wakes every 2-3 hrs from 7.30 pm onwards.My D/h has always nagged me that we should have introduced d/s to a bottle earlier as I have been very tied to him day and night.He has only in the last few days started sucking from a cup.(it was a major event as he has never taken a bottle he prefers to chew it).D/s started nursery when i went back to work. I drop him off a 7am approx and pick him up about 3-4pm so its a long day for him and me.However it is only three days a week.So I had a plan to stop the night feeds.Last feed at 11-11.30pm.So D/h and I can get some sleep.As d/s is still in our room and co sleeps on and off.Since last friday
have done c/c wasent so bad over the weekend as could manage the lack of sleep.But after 5 nights it dosent seem to be getting any better.D/s cries and cries for 20min,1hr,2hrs.End up with him propped up in my arms.Hubby is like a bear with a sore head and not really supportive more blaming.Really need something to happen and soon as. going to Eire for a wedding in april for 2nights without d/s.Worried about leaving him.please help

spots Wed 09-Feb-05 12:37:34

Doyler, I am a bad person to advise as I also have an 8 1/2 month old who bfs at night quite frequently and I'm afraid I just go with it. But I know if I had an ultimatum like yours I would be posting similarly. Do you mean that the cc has not worked and you still bf him in the end? or have you managed not to, but he still wakes? Who will be looking after him when you go away?

doyler Wed 09-Feb-05 12:48:58

Doing the C/c till about 4 to 5 am.Last night till5.30 am.Then gave in and gave a feed out of pure exhaustion.My mother in law will have him when we are away.Hopefully he will be better by then.But you know when you feel that will never happen.Dont know if picking him up to settle him is doing us any favours either.Also say to d/h or not so darling to use spare room.But he prefers to stay and complain after!

morningpaper Wed 09-Feb-05 13:14:31

Is he waking just for a feed or for cuddling? If it's just for a feed then try getting your DH and ONLY DH to respond to him for 2 or 3 nights. If he knows that The Boobies aren't coming, he might settle down, but he will still be being comforted in the mean time.

morningpaper Wed 09-Feb-05 13:15:07

Having said that I fed mine every 2 hours until she was much older than yours - I preferred the path of Least Resistance.

spots Wed 09-Feb-05 18:31:14

Agree with morningpaper! If your dh went to him you'd get an idea of how he'll respond to absolutely no chance of milk, and ds himself would get an idea of there being such a notion in the first place. I'm sure he'll be fine with your MIL... that is, the worst that can happen is that she gets woken a few times. In fact, the time spent with her might end up being a useful tool in your weaning him off night feeds. Though you might find he doesn't need feeding when someone else goes to him but when it's you he knows what you can (and eventually will, if you show him that) offer him!

Um, morningpaper... am interested now... how long did you go on feeding yours at night for? How did it stop happening?

Yorkiegirl Wed 09-Feb-05 19:00:29

Message withdrawn

redsky Wed 09-Feb-05 19:04:10

the last feed my ds (then aged 11 months) dropped was about 2am. A sensible mum suggested I offer him water instead - and guess what ...... 3 nights later he didn't bother to wake up!

vicdubya Wed 09-Feb-05 19:09:03

Hi Doyler

What are your thoughts about putting ds in his own room?

I only ask because my ds, 10 months, who still wakes for (and gets!)night feeds is in his own room, but I find if I am in the same room as him (eg if we're away) he does wake more frequently, or perhaps it's that I hear him, and so end up feeding more.

His room is far enough away that if he really wakes and cries, I hear soon enough, but I don't hear every snuffle & mutter.

I just think if I had ds in with me he would still be having 3-4 feeds a night instead of the 1 he generally has at the moment!

But, just to give you some hope, I was "just about" to start cc for about the last 3 months, but very reluctant.

Convinced ds was waking from habit like all the books tell you.

But then I started giving him a bit of porridge after his tea, and that really helped, and atm he is going through til 5am and some nights makes it all the way through!!!

Might be worth a go?

morningpaper Wed 09-Feb-05 19:16:37

Spots: I fed mine until she was about 18 months. She then started to use a cup of water more in the night. We finally 'finished off' the night feeding by having her daddy go into her for a couple of nights in a row. That was all it took for her to get used to no milk at night.

I continued for so long because she really ate nothing (solids) during the day and refused all milk and formula. It didn't make much difference on her eating though - she still lives on a couple of slices of bread a day and only drinks water! (she is now 2.4)

spots Wed 09-Feb-05 19:46:06

Thanks Mp, I do find it heartening to know other people feed their babies at night. hopefully doyler you will too... not that I think it is the best option exactly, I just don't see myself doing anything else atm. anyway I know that's not what you were posting about! sorry D., back to subject: could you do a rehearsal with your mil?

doyler Thu 10-Feb-05 14:34:05

Thanks ladies for all the suggestions
Sorry for not getting back sooner.Headed out to a mums and toddlers group.Dropped D/s off a nursery today.It sound like a good suggestion to get d/h to respond to him for a few nights.Moving him into to his own room is in the planning process since he was born at the moment it doubles up as spare room,junk and guest room so we must sort that out definately before he is 18yrs. the trial run with the MIL wont happen as she is 70+ so if D/S decided to air his vocal cords she might need resuscitation after a couple of nights and days bless her!(mind you i'd love the chance to have a few bevvies and increase my alchol tolerance especially before the wedding in eire.)I think that Paddies day might be the excuse I need. Like you Mp the path to least resistance was the one I took last night.Thanks again for all your suggestions.By the way vic.. what time did you give your d/s porridge at?

Clayhead Thu 10-Feb-05 14:40:56

Thread hijack...

morningpaper, spots. yorkiegirl, glad to know it's not just me then! I don't know anyone in RL who fed at night for so long, I'm another path of least resistance person. ds/dd grew out of it eventually (whilst still in our room too!!)

doyler Thu 10-Feb-05 14:59:40

Clayhead
Don't think I can wait for D/s to grow out of it.There won't be no2 D/s-D/d as When I get fed up I bring d/s into the bed and I think that D/h will be the one moving into the nursery.It funny when you speak to other mothers its yes he/she sleeps all night.Here am I looking google eyeed at them.I'm also at the stage of wanting to get out of my nursing bra's an into something with a bit of up lift and lose the breast pads.Besides I'm also inclined to leak everywhere. But I have loved b/f D/s all this time..

morningpaper Thu 10-Feb-05 19:30:58

I had a group of about 8 friends that I met through a bf group and we all continued to bf at night until our babies were well over a year old, so it didn't seem like a big deal!

vicdubya Thu 10-Feb-05 19:44:56

Doyler I give ds some porridge for a pudding after his tea (not his main meal, he has that at lunch), so about 5.30pm, but you could also try an earlier tea & then a little porridge right before bedtime, before his bedtime feed?

I was thinking I would try that this week, but ds has a tummy bug & is only having BF's at the mo!

hewlettsdaughter Thu 10-Feb-05 19:53:48

doyler, poor you - coping with waking every 2-3 hours. I hope you get some longer stretches soon.

I am still feeding my dd at night, although less often than you. Have resolved not to worry about it until dd is a year old.

hewlettsdaughter Thu 10-Feb-05 19:57:56

ps dd is nearly 10 months

MarmaladeSun Thu 10-Feb-05 22:20:28

Hi. Just to add that I feed DD at night. She is 7 months old now, and being weaned onto solids (2 meals a day) but still very much breastfed. For the first few months the nights nearly killed me. I thought she was a 'one in a million' baby for not sleeping at night, often waking every hour for feeds. Now she still wakes up every 2 to 3 hours for feeding, but as we co-sleep she more or less feeds herself and we both get a lot more sleep. I've also become more adjusted and can function perfectly well on a lot less sleep. It's so nice to know I am not the only one, and the comments from others really make you feel down. I tried CC once, and once only and she cried so much she was retching and it took about an hour to calm her down so I'm another 'path of least resistance' Mum! Now I'm a firm believer in her growning out of it as and when she's ready. I have to say that there is nothing quite like the mushy feeling you get when you look down at this little soft, downy head nuzzling up contentedly. I'll miss it when she stops TBH!

sacha3taylor Fri 11-Feb-05 13:57:26

hi, my baby is now 9 months old and i have just stopped breast feeding. This is mainly because he has 6 teeth and keeps biting me {ouch} but i have been doing controlled crying {going in after 5 minutes and then 10 minutes and so on} and have been surprised how well we are doing! He has been having formula milk in the day but refusing at night, and so he got into the habbit of using me to go back to sleep for comfort rather than being hungry. We have been doing this for about a week now and he is rarely waking up now and we are beginning to think we are getting somewhere. It does work!! Hope this has been some help and your baby sleeps soon x x

spots Fri 11-Feb-05 20:38:28

Marmaladesun, yes I'm afraid I have my soppy moments at night too. Though DD is in her own room & cot I always cuddle her a bit longer than I need to before putting her down, because she is so warm and floppy at night. (Then in the morning I complain about her waking x number of times!) My mum said that she fed me and my brother and sister at night until we stopped wanting it, and hey, we're ok...

another apology to Doyler... this is not really helping you is it? as I said before I haven't exactly got advice, just sympathy...

Allyco Fri 11-Feb-05 21:25:55

this will sound patronising but there will be a time when you don't really remember how awful this is. My first DD slept so badly I resolved never to have another. But I did albeit seven years later. I then got another non sleeper and said never never again. Third DD came six years after that.The fourth is now five months old and sleeps crap too. I get by by giving in as I've always done... they grow up sooo fast. I know that's easy to say but does anyone agree?

stitch Fri 11-Feb-05 21:40:12

i put my younger two in their own rooms at five months.
they did not need the calories from the breastmilk at night time. and i needed the sleep. dh useless. when they would cry themselves hoarse, they got a bottle of water. three nights later didnt bother waking up. and being in their own room meant that i didnt get up for every tiny little noise they made. worked for me.
ds1 was mostly bottlefed, he gave up breastfeeding at about 18 weeks, and i got him to sleep thru the night by giving bottles fo water.
hth

MarmaladeSun Sat 12-Feb-05 10:54:43

Allyco, yes I'm afraid that's my strategy for coping too. I fought the night time wakings at first, thinking something was dreadfully wrong (I'm not a first time Mum, DD is my 3rd as well as being step mum to 2 others) but had never suffered such severe sleep deprivation. After listening to HV/Mum/MIL etc telling me she shouldn't be doing this I decided to ignore them all and give in to my instincts and almost overnight things came easier. She was still waking frequently but instead of fighting it I worked with her and, like you Allyco, put myself in the mindset that it wouldn't last forever and one day I would miss her needing me. So now I enjoy the nights as opposed to dreading them. That said I do sympathise because sleep deprivation is horrendous, and I applaud anyone who can get their babies into a sleep routine; it's just not for me. We all cope the best we can. And I'm pleased to report that last night she slept from 8pm until 3.30 and then again until 6,30 so she's sorting her own routine out. Good luck.

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