My wee sister has just had a baby! Hoorah! And her HV has informed her that she is a 'Lazy Feeder' and should top-up. Ggggrrrrrrrr.

[ExterminAitch]

i mean lazy feeder, ffs. a midwife told me that about dd and i was so hurt. my beautiful child, only days old... already lazy.

anyway, dn is three weeks old, dsis has been topping-up although not a lot apparently.

the baby is bright, alert, lovely (according to her devoted grandma) and my dsis says that if it weren't for the scales she'd swear the baby was fine.

i'm trying to think of what dsis was saying today... apparently the baby did lose weight after a gain (although pee and poo situ fine) and that's what prompted the advice to top up. three different sets of scales have been used.

dsis (i think) is expressing milk if she's going out, and taking formula also, so feeding dn first, then giving bottle of expressed, then formula. she is tbh a bit bummed by the idea of staying in the house all the time, so just wants to be out.

this lazy thing stems from the fact that dn doesn't shout for milk, is generally bonny and blithe and only feeds for 15 mins before falling asleep. i had proposed today that she might be an efficient feeder, is that right? plus i sent her a link to kellymom where it explained the tap/foremilk/hindmilk thing and proposed that maybe more regular 15 min feeds might keep that higer fat content milk coming and help her with ditching the formula (automatic caveat: If That's What She Wants To Do).

apart from that i mostly ranted about the fact that fookin' formula is now EIGHT QUID a box and whinged about how shit my support was when i was going through it. therapeutic for me, at least...

anyway, what else can i do, what should i have said, how can i best support her (we don't live in the same towns) without doing her wee napper in?

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

congratulations auntie aitch

She's lucky she's got you to help her out. and of course, you already know that you've got this at hand to help out

[hunkermunker]

Congratulations, Auntie Aitch!

How much weight has she apparently lost? Three sets of scales sounds a bit, well, hit-and-miss wrt accuracy.

If pee and poo fine and she's a bonny, blithe thing, it sounds like your sister may well be making a lot more work for herself than she needs (and spending out on formula she needn't be buying).

How would she be about ringing a bfc?

[ExterminAitch]

well i've told her about that, but i thought maybe i could point her in the direction of this thread at some point. tbh i don't think she's that focused on reading at the mo, i just want some snappy soundbites. [frazzled]

also, let's be quite clear about this, i am her Big Sister. i have found, to my eternal cost actually, that everything i say comes out as me boasting/nagging etc, regardless of whether i'm saying 'i'm great' or 'i'm shite'. we had, i think, a good chat about it all today but generally it's like bart simpson talking to his dog dealing with my siblings.

[ExterminAitch]

well, she's in York, hunker. do we know anyone good? the woman next door to my sister is involved in the NCT, she seems to have been quite positive. i just think my sis is getting some quite crap advice.

dsis didn't tell me the weight loss, it wasn't much apparenlty, but the woman freaked at it going down rather than up and told her to supplement. i think it was only one measurement, by the way.

[hunkermunker]

I would put money on it being an incompetent weight measurement, really.

If she rings one of the helplines, she'll hopefully get some good advice and it's easier by far for it to come from someone with no baggage from siblingship.

[MarsLady]

bet she used stork scales.

Why oh why oh why do they rush to put these babies onto formula. Sometimes I wonder if they get commission. Sigh...

[ExterminAitch]

i will try to get her to ring one, but i fear that it will come out as 'blah blah blah i'm great santaslittlehelper, blah blah blah, you're shit cos you were born after me blah blah blah sit down boy...'

[hunkermunker]

[empathy]

[1dilemma]

You sound just like my sister Aitch

[ExterminAitch]

oh, and another thing, poor dsis was a bit concerned i think that the baby doesn't poo every day on bm alone but if she gives her formula it all skitters out. Sounded like some HCP has indicated that is a Good Thing.

i await your snorts of horror.

[ExterminAitch]

sit down onedilemma.

[kiskidee]

Aitch, the ABM has 2 counsellors in York. All she has to do is ring. and congrats to you and dsis.

[BouncingTurtle]

Congrats to your sister Aunty Aitch, she is very lucky to have such a caring sister - who also knows
a) what she's talking about and
b) where to find the info she doesn't know!

And I just know you are counting the days when you can steam up your dn some broccoli trees

How are they getting on btw? I too would be VERY suspicious of the scales. I only ever get ds weighed at one of the surestart centres because the scales there aren't moved around like the others are. It doesn't take much for a calibration to be offer therefore making all weighing being accurate!
When my ds was teeny he also was a short feeder - 15-20 mins max, as well.

[StealthPolarBear]

congratulations to your sister (and you of course Aunty Aitch!)
Does your sister know the stresses you had with bf? Will she understand that you're trying to make sure the same doesn't happen? or will it def be misconstrued?

[tiktok]

Aitch, I really, really dislike it when babies are labelled 'lazy' - it's hurtful and it doesn't help a bit

It amazes me - these days, no teacher or classroom assistant would use this word to describe a four or five year old taking a little while to learn to form a letter, or use numbers. Why would anyone want to stick this description on a tiny baby?

Aitch, you know you are right about the scales and the use of formula and the fact that bf, expressing and using formula as a top up is the most hasslesome way of feeding a baby...and honestly, sooner or later it leads to full formula feeding in most cases.

There is not a thing wrong with 15 minute feeds. Obv, a baby should not lose weight, but even if the baby did topping up is really the very last thing to be done, if the baby is ok. It may mean nothing more than 'the breastfeeding needs to be fixed'.

I can't suggest much on the 'what do you say?' front, except to share with her your own experience and feelings and ask if they ring a bell with her - and that you know there is help available for her.

[VictorianSqualor]

Argh. I hate it when people say 'top-up' is the answer.

If your darling nephew (bet he's gorgeous! I'm broody already and have my own!!) only wants to take a certain amount of milk giving him formula will not change that, he will just cut down on his breast milk consumption to make the whole amount he takes be the same.

As the others have said the scales are as close to pointless as possible if they aren't the same scales. When was the weight loss btw? If he is only three weeks it's pretty normal for babies to lose weight in the first week or so after birth.

Breastfed babies poo less as there is less waste.

[ExterminAitch]

cheers, ladies. i think the weight loss thing is that the baby was porking it on and then lost some. but it just MUST have been minimal amounts cos she was only about 12 days old at the time. then with the top-ups i think it's gone back up. which nominally is a top-up success story, isn't it? gggggrrrrrr.

[ExterminAitch]

oh, and are the ABM counsellors good? how much training? i want ladies with Big Brains.

[VictorianSqualor]

ABM d a lot of training.
It's a proper study course, look here

[hunkermunker]

ABM very good afaik.

Was too stubborn to seek help when I had DS1 and knew enough not to need it for the things I had problems with when I had DS2, so don't have any personal experience, but those I know who do say they're good. Obviously there's an element of personality involved with any sort of person-to-person thing, but if she doesn't ring them At All, she'll not ever know if they'd have been helpful.

And your DN may well have gained the weight again - or not lost it in the first place if the scales were on the wonk - so I wouldn't give too much weight to the top-ups, Aitch, necessarily.

[LittleMyDancingForJoy]

Aitch I don't know if this is any help but my DS was a highly efficient feeder - he fed for 20 minutes, no more, then would fall asleep promptly and nothing on earth would persuade him to have any more - not bottles, not HVs, not MWs, not me prodding him and tickling him and stripping him naked, nothing.

He's two now, and is still exactly the same. He sits down, eats however much of his dinner he wants very efficiently, then says 'I'm finished' and not another morsel will pass his lips!

Efficient Feeder is a much nicer term than Lazy Feeder, I reckon.

Congratulations on being an auntie!

[Notanexcitingname]

aitch, I second the ABM consellors in York. I can't CAT, but can email, to give you number. Hypocritical, but I don't want to put mine on here One in particular is excellent, and I recommend her to everyone

[ExterminAitch]

oh, notan, that would be really great. would you mind emailing me at aitch at babyledweaning dot com?? thanks so much.

[ExterminAitch]

the two ??s was a typo, btw. i've not gone mental.

[Notanexcitingname]

Have mailed, aitch