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why do people feel the need 2 comment ??????

(24 Posts)
lyndseyann Sat 19-Jul-08 16:48:24

i have been bf my ds for 6months and am hoping 2 continue until he is around 1, i have no intentions on giving it up now as we both enjoy it and are in a good routine so why do friends and family feel they can tell me how long i should feed for??? evn from the start my mother in law kept commenting that a few ounces of sma would do him the world of good!!! angryangry angry even though hes a big boy anyway!!!!
i think it can be jealousy as i dont express my milk, i am a stay at home mum currently so have no need to express, does anyone else find themselves in the same position????

WigWamBam Sat 19-Jul-08 16:56:42

Smile and nod, and ignore them all. Their silly comments are not worth you getting wound up over.

Your MIL probably didn't breastfeed (it wasn't "fashionable" then) and so can't understand why you would want to.

You could always educate them as to the benefits of breastfeeding if you felt like it (plenty of threads here with stacks of information) or just smile, nod and ignore. You have the upper hand; feeding is something they have no control over.

Which, of course, may be the problem ... my MIL always used to gripe that I was only breastfeeding so that she wouldn't be able to give dd a bottle.

sabire Sat 19-Jul-08 17:13:51

Ask your MIL what she thinks might be in SMA that isn't in your milk.

It might be worth gently pointing out to her that it even says on tins of formula that breastfeeding is better for babies!

ShowOfHands Sat 19-Jul-08 17:20:19

You could try a smile and a 'you seem very interested in my breasts, that's odd isn't it?' Or commenting on everything she eats or drinks. 'No dear MIL you don't need a cup of tea, some cod liver oil would do you the world of good, oh it's none of my business, I'm terribly sorry I thought criticising other people's decisions was how we did things in this house' etc.

I am still bf my 14 month old and you can either try educating them or smiling, saying thank you for their continued interest and then ignoring them.

Well done for continuing.

ilovemydog Sat 19-Jul-08 17:25:12

tell her something really bitchy like, 'well, we know so much more now...'

MissDown Sat 19-Jul-08 17:25:33

I had one jus like her once! Not with her DS now tho. They all thought I was BF to stop them taking part and as her son had left me to go live with some1 else when I was pregnant it meant that they could not take the baby away with out me.
I did let him once and I had expressed and he shouldnt have needed a feed in the 2 hours he was away but for some reason they thought he did and said he drank it! Dont believe that tho.
I do admit that they think I bf for a lot longer than I did, stopped at 4 wks because I was too ill but they thought he was till he was about 4 mths lol
They gave me the idea!!

lyndseyann Sat 19-Jul-08 18:15:36

at the end of the day theres an old saying that mother knows best!!! why do other people think they know whats better for my ds more than i do???
as u can tell im easy wound up on this anyone would be after 6months of "r u breastfeeding/still breastfeeding?" angry

Greedygirl Sat 19-Jul-08 20:12:36

LOL, after you have established breastfeeding and, assuming everything is tickety-boo, why on earth would you stop breastfeeding?! It is free, convenient and the perfect excuse to sit down and chill out! I have had a few of the same comments Lyndsey and they wind me up too but as Wigwam said - they can't stop you!

eekamoose Sat 19-Jul-08 20:20:10

Yes, my step-mum, thought I "fed that baby for too long". And I only bf to 12 months. And that was just morning and evening too, til DD refused any more.

She was just being silly for thinking that, and so are your relatives/friends. You are right. They are wrong. End of.

elmoandella Sat 19-Jul-08 20:21:20

my bil and sil used to always be going on about when i would stop. but stangly there were always the ones who used to come and insist on poking about "patting" the baby when bf.

used to have to go into a seperate room as it would put lo off feeding.

LackaDAISYcal Sat 19-Jul-08 20:26:04

My MIL commented everytim I saw her, and it was always "is she on a bottle yet?" swiftly followed by watching me feed and asking "how do you know how much she's getting?"

I just used to smile serenely and say "enough".

I actually think she was quite interested as she always made a point of following me wherever I went to feed DD. I would have liked her to ask more questions about it. Maybe with the next one? smile

Ineedsomesleep Sat 19-Jul-08 20:31:55

I have no idea why either. My Mum is really supportive as she bf my sister but my Aunty, whom I am really close to, comes out with comments like "how long are you going to have that big thing dangling from you?"

I've always said "well WHO do recommend now that you bf for a minimum of 2 years, so I'm going on their advice really".

Over time I've come to the opinion that people who aren't supportive either have never bf or have had really bad experience of bfing with little or no support and have therefore decided that bfing isn't good for anyone, which is such a shame.

How did your MIl feed her babies?

cafebistro Sat 19-Jul-08 20:31:57

Dont take any notice...I get the same response off some people too. They all assume i will stop at 6 months but like greedygirl says why?? Ive got through the feeding every 2 hours, sore nipples, engorged breasts i'll be dammed if i'll give it up now!!!

Greedygirl Sat 19-Jul-08 20:37:19

I remember at 4 months thinking it was a shame that I was going to be finishing breast-feeding at 6 months cos we where just getting into the swing of things! I'm not sure what exactly I thought happened at 6 months! And I am meant to be a serious grown-up teacher-type person fgs. Good job my DS knows what he is doing.

lyndseyann Sun 20-Jul-08 08:50:43

my mil ff all her kids and never even attempted to bf ...... Which is something i can't understand i know so many people who never even try 2 breastfeed they automatically go straight 4 the formula ....... They don't know what they're missing!

Wisknit Sun 20-Jul-08 09:22:55

Frustrating isn't it.

Could you try reflecting it back at her - not a question but a statement aling the lines of 'you don't understand why I would want to BF this long'. Or as it is your DH's mother explain to him how you feel and get him to explain to her that you BOTH want your baby to get the benefits of BF. That way you are presenting a united front and she might take it better from him.

lyndseyann Sun 20-Jul-08 09:34:46

unfortunatly my dh is a mummies boy and would nearly always take her side angry

Bumperlicious Sun 20-Jul-08 09:39:59

Just say why would I bother making up all those bottles, waiting for water to cool, all that washing up and remembering to take them out.

You could take the route of explaining to them patiently all the reasons why bfing is good for the baby, try and educate, sometimes people just don't know these things.

Or you could just ignore them and refuse to discuss it. They'll soon get bored.

miffymum Sun 20-Jul-08 09:42:32

My outlaws are just the same. Utterly perplexed as to why I would want to bf my DD and fed up that they can't give her a bottle. This has been going on for 9 months now...

I think it's a good idea to refer to the current guidelines to bf for a year if possible. I've found that invoking a bit of authority tends to shut them up. It is tedious though but as someone else said it's all about no-one in their family network having bf within living memory (although obviously they must have done if you go back far enough!)

Wisknit Sun 20-Jul-08 16:22:40

Poor you!

Bad enough to have MiL like that but not to get support from your dh makes it worse.

theSuburbanDryad Sun 20-Jul-08 16:30:46

Smile, nod, ignore!

My MIL has given up on me now - she was extremely perplexed but I think she's just realised I'm a bit odd like that, and has now even gone as far as contacting her Conservative Women's Group to get us MP support for our breastfeeding picnic on Monday! grin

She's very confused as to what I'll do when the new baby gets here - but that's fair enough as not many people know about tandem nursing. She's willing to be educated, which is the main thing, and she sees now how independent and secure ds is - where her ds (my dh!) was always very shy and unconfident. She's always going on about what a strong, healthy child he is, and when I say, "Yes, it's all the good mama milk he gets," she smiles and nods at me!

I just don't understand why people assume you'd give up at 6 months - it's usually just getting easy then!

MamaHobgoblin Sun 20-Jul-08 22:24:09

I'm at 20 weeks now and nowhere near wanting to stop, but have recently been getting tentative enquiries from the MIL - 'how long do you think you'll keep feeding him 'yourself'? and 'when do you think you'll go onto solids?' (as if that meant I'd stop with the bf). I honestly think she doesn't mean anything nasty - she bf for 6 weeks and 4 weeks back when only hippies (like my mum) bf, and watched my SIL go through hell trying to bf after a bad labour, and I know she appreciates that I'm doing what's best, etc...but all the same, as we approach the magic 6 month line, I think she's getting a little nervy. Usually I tell her I'll go on for as long as both he and I want to, and she sort of nods nervously. My FIL still can't be in the same room as me when I'm feeding - too embarassed! Gah.

What I worry about is that my local support group of NCT-ers is going to go pear-shaped over this - some of us will probably try and bf as long as it takes, but I think the majority are a bit squeamish about this, and I'd hate it to spoil our fun times together, if people are going to be embarassed about feeding larger babies.

jammi Sun 20-Jul-08 22:33:51

Message withdrawn

AbbeyA Sun 20-Jul-08 22:38:33

I agree with all those who say 'smile, nod and ignore'- I found it worked well on all comments about bringing up babies! Don't get drawn in to discussion.

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