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So is your partner realio truelio supportive of bf?

(21 Posts)
charitas Thu 17-Jul-08 11:31:11

I ask because I always thought mine was, but present in counter evidence the following conversations from piglet towers yesterday.

me: piglet's been feeding at least once an hour
him: (in smug voice) growth spurt then ( really dear I hadn't noticed !)

later

him: you haven't done as much housework as last week
me: I am saving my sanity today by resting between feeds. Said whilst sitting semi-naked on sofa resembling drugged up spartan women and vaugley aware of piglet playing /bashing sensory cube thing on the floor.
Him: I love you more when the flats tidy
Me:doing housework doesn't make me love you more.

Silence followed by him doing washing up than making me a cup of tea.He then agreed to look after piglet until onset of next hunger pangs so I could read the paper.

Later still
Him; what's for tea (fair question as am menu planning due to general skintness)
me: you can make your spaggetti mushroom thing or you can make veggi shepherd's pie or you can put fish fingers in the oven and veg in the steamer.
Him: so whatever we have I'm making it?
me: yes
HIM:well there's soup in the cupboard isn't there
Me: I think I could do with a proper meal today.

To be fair he did then make tea.

sO IS IT the mars venus thing were I have to tell him in words of two or less syllabes (spoilling not good today)what I need him to do or do I blow the dust off the breast pump and simulate for his learning pleasure what a growth spurt feels like to your nips.

JODIEhadababy Thu 17-Jul-08 11:43:09

Mine is OK, I think, but we were out at the weekend with some friends (DS2 only 9 days old at this, so not very confident about the whole BF in public thing).. Anyway, DS2 starts grumbling and stirring, and I start 'preparing myself' and DH turns to his mate and says......

'Jodie's about to get her tit's out!!!'

WTF! He got a VERY stern talking to after that, I don't think he'll do it again.

On the other hand, he does bend over backwards to help with DS1 and round the house when I;m 'otherwise engaged.'

harpsichordcarrier Thu 17-Jul-08 11:44:45

him: you haven't done as much housework as last week

shockshock
wow. for him, feminism was just something that happened to other people, then?

Sammyg81 Thu 17-Jul-08 11:49:00

My partner is very supportive, but like you are finding they don't seem to fully understand the full extent of how tiring it can be! I think it i definately the divide of the sexes.
For example, when I try to explain how exhausted I feel, i just get et with 'I'm tired too u know, and I'm working all day'. Well excuse mefor thinkng that having two children under two isn't working, and bf every 2 hrs all day and night isn't more tiring than ur work!!
Until the day where men are having the children and have to bf, they'll never fully understand. wink

LackaDAISYcal Thu 17-Jul-08 11:58:57

mine can be a bit dim and insensitive at times and although supportive of BFing generally, I think in the early days he was struggling as there wasn't anything he could do to make it easier and that really upset him. He was great at keeping us company during night feeds and would always change nappy if required and resettle the baby, and although aways through the week with work, would take over sompletely at weekends, including catching up on the housework I hadn't done.

IMO your DP's comments about the state of the house are bang out of order (I am quite frankly shock at "loving you more when the house is tidy" and mine would have got a very cold shoulder to deal with if he had come out with anything like that and a stark reminder that love is unconditional, and not about whether the house is tidy or he has to make tea.

PMSL at you simulating a growth spurt on his nipples grin. you go girl!

ChirpyGirl Thu 17-Jul-08 12:07:07

Mine is a bit too supposrtive as in he likes to announce to his friends when we are out,
'God I am glad we don't have to lug bottles and stuff like that around, BFing is so easy (for him maybe!)'
He also has upset a few friends by genuinely not understanding why they didn't bf, but he doesn't understand the problems you can have as I got really lucky.
He defends me to MIL and my mum if they make a negative comment or mention how formula could be helpful by ponting out that DD1 never had any and she is fine, and it is free, and no endless washing bottles
He only doesn't like it when I leave him with them as he cannot calm DD2 down as easily as I can when she throws a strop...

ChirpyGirl Thu 17-Jul-08 12:07:09

Mine is a bit too supposrtive as in he likes to announce to his friends when we are out,
'God I am glad we don't have to lug bottles and stuff like that around, BFing is so easy (for him maybe!)'
He also has upset a few friends by genuinely not understanding why they didn't bf, but he doesn't understand the problems you can have as I got really lucky.
He defends me to MIL and my mum if they make a negative comment or mention how formula could be helpful by ponting out that DD1 never had any and she is fine, and it is free, and no endless washing bottles
He only doesn't like it when I leave him with them as he cannot calm DD2 down as easily as I can when she throws a strop...

sabire Thu 17-Jul-08 12:09:46

In the VERY early days with all three DH was on top form: he cooked and made tea non-stop. And really good quality nosh too. No housework though, other than putting a wash on/hanging it out.

As soon as he went back to work it was back to normal, with him doing the cooking at weekends.

Sigh.

But then, I don't know that I asked for much help or support.

scorpio1 Thu 17-Jul-08 12:10:48

mine is very supportive, brings me drinks and food when im feeding, and if on growth spurt time he runs me a bath to grab a wash, and tells me how proud he is. This is from someone who thought FF was baby milk.

When i feel like giving up he helps me to see the long term. When she was first born she was hard to feed and he never left my side.

LackaDAISYcal Thu 17-Jul-08 12:16:48

at least he cooks at the weekends sabire!

Jojay Thu 17-Jul-08 12:16:56

Mibe would give me a huge guilt trip if I decided to bottle feed - he's more passionate about bf-ing than I am.

Saying that, DS always fed quite quickly and was a happy little chap - he may change his tune if every feed took hours and baby was grumpy in between..........

jammi Thu 17-Jul-08 13:33:09

Message withdrawn

sabire Thu 17-Jul-08 14:01:59

"he's more passionate about bf-ing than I am"

My bro and SIL had ishoos about this.

Brother molecular biologist, has done mucho reading about bf, desperately wanted his children to be bf.

SIL youngest of 5 sisters - not one of her siblings has bf their children. SIL very controlling, also had PND and really, really struggled with bf, to the point where she would ignore the baby when it wanted feeding, or feeding baby but sighing and rolling eyes the whole time to make point that she was hating it. He did everything he could in a practical sense to help her, but it really drove them apart for a while.

So glad that dh and shared a commitment to breastfeeding our children.

Habbibu Thu 17-Jul-08 14:06:54

Bloody hell, charitas your DH doesn't sound very supportive full stop! "I love you more when the flat's tidy" - that's a vile thing to say. I do hope it was very much in jest, and now knows that it's not remotely funny. God, I wasn't allowed to lift a finger when dd was small - it helped that DH was on sabbatical, so able to be at home a lot, but he kept the place going when dd was feeding a lot - cooking, cleaning, the works.

GivePeasAChance Thu 17-Jul-08 14:08:02

Saved him a job so hugely supportive

ChairmumMiaow Thu 17-Jul-08 14:23:33

DH is pretty supportive - in deed rather than word. Although DS is not a demanding feeder at all (during the day) DH still understands that its easier to be out and about with my 6 month DS than to stay at home most of the time, so with the exception of about one day a week (When I deliberately stay at home and try and have a tidy), all we do around the house is the cooking and shopping, with the odd load of washing when we can.

When DS fed more, he did the cooking too if needed, fetched tea and anything else I wanted and was very glad it was my job.

He was also the one that initially asked me to keep feeding DS up until 2 (if he wants it)

baltimore97 Thu 17-Jul-08 14:39:09

Sabire I think you are being a little harsh on your SIL - I had PND when bfeeding DD1 who was a VERY difficult baby to feed (reflux) and it was no picnic. i dreaded each feed and felt like giving her away on many occasions. i did not feel i bonded with her until she was well established on solids. I fed her until she was 12mths old.

I bfed DD2 until she was 11 weeks, when I switched to ff because she was losing weight and all efforts (pumping, checking latch) had failed. Although I didn't want to give up, as I know bfeeding is best for my baby, I could feel myself getting depressed again and now I am bottlefeeding I am feeling much more warmly towards DD2 and much happier - altho' guilty that she has ended up on formula.

Sorry if I misunderstood your tone, but I think you could have shown a bit more understanding.

baltimore97 Thu 17-Jul-08 14:40:17

Sorry realized I hijacked the thread. My DH was very supportive of my bfeeding, but also felt I should not carry on at the cost of my sanity and good mental health.

itati Thu 17-Jul-08 14:43:33

He loves you more when the flat is tidy? hmm shock

My Dh was very supportive when I was Bf. He would bring me my cushion and a drink. If we were about to eat when DC wanted a feed he would cut my food up for me so I could manage one handed. He loved me BF as he knew it was important to me. He would also bring the baby to me in the night and after they had fed, take them, wind them and put them back in their cots.

charitas Fri 18-Jul-08 09:51:27

I think the loving me more was a light hearted comment, I was just not in a lighthearted mood as he is generally in favour of not sticking to gender roles. He was much more helpful yesterday and piglet is now sleeping through with a little help from a dream feed once again.

He was brilliant when I was struggling at the beginning doing everything but seems to think that at four months I can cope with everything easily.

Must say a big thankyou to everyone who posts on this forum as without reading it I would have thought piglet's constant hunger at 4 months was a sign I did not have enough milk and needed to wean and not him growing out of all his sleepsuits. Damm shall have to go shopping for new baby clothes,with his bank card meethinks.

wishbird Fri 18-Jul-08 12:01:26

My DP is super supportive, does majority cooking and cleaning, and is mostly supportive of BF.

I am currently mix feeding DS3 (BF other 2 no probs) after nasty dose of mastitis and one defunct boob! but am now trying to up supply, and possibly restart the bad one - and he does sometimes say that I should not stress too much and continue mix feeding. But I think that's because I've been so upset and miserable and guilty, and he's just reassuring me that it's ok, and I'm not a failure. Also as DS3 seems so much happier getting little top up now and again as he's a real piggy! Think blokes sometimes find it a bit hard and frustrating cos they want to help and can't physically relieve probs.

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