I think I may just have stopped breastfeeding.

[Habbibu]

Wow. Feels like the end of an era. DD is almost 20 months, and had been having just a bedtime feed for ages now. I've been enjoying it less and less, and the last few months have been a bit up and down for me, so I was ready to stop. In a way I'm sad (a very little bit) - I would have liked her to self-wean, and part of me thinks I should have stuck it out till 2. But, I'm on my own tonight, I'm tired, and after bath I just said "Do you want a cup of milk?", and she said "Cup of milk" enthusiastically, drank it through stories, brushed teeth, and then in bed like a lamb. So that's it. I think for me it's a good thing - I'd been tying in weaning with getting pregnant again, blah di blah, and when that all went a bit pear-shaped I thought it was best to try to disassociate it in my head. And she seems perfectly happy. We'll see how the next few days go, I guess.
When she was first born I thought I'd get to 6 months - I thought that's what you did - didn't really think about what happened after. And then we carried on a bit, and a bit more, and I found MN and realised that this was a perfectly reasonable thing to do, and so thank you, lovely MNers. I think 20 months is pretty good going, and she's looking good on it. Just feel funny that that's it - happy, but funny.

[nowwearefour]

that is a big milestone. congratulations for keeping it up for so long- i too would have loved to have done til 2. mnaged 14 months with dd1 and prob will do something similar with dd2- now 12 months and i am running out of patience with it all. you have done her proud. and if you are going to have another idc you will get to do it all over again!!

[harpsichordcarrier]

don't speak too soon I thought dd1 had self weaned several times! and then she started again the next day.
if she wants to feed again tomorrow, what will you do, do you think?

[Habbibu]

I don't know, harpsi. I just don't know. I do want to stop - have been thinking about it for ages, and getting a bit stressed when she feeds sometimes. If she asks, I think I may offer a cup, and then if she asks again or gets upset, I'll probably feed her. Her whole life we've followed a rough principle of gentle transitions, and it's worked well for all of us, so I don't want to mess with that now, especially with something so ingrained as breastfeeding. So yes, maybe we're not quite done. Still the first time in 20 months I've ever not breastfed!

[Eulalia]

She may well carry on, a 20 month old doesn't make firm decisions like that, unless you make them for her. My first stopped very very gradually, missed a day or two to start with then it would be just once a week right down to months going by at the end (I think he had turned 6 when he had his last breastfeed). It made it easier having it more spaced out as I never thought "this is the last one". I just never knew when the last one would be and I as it was so infrequent I forgot when it was. dd was different (it depends on the child) and still feeding ds2 - been doing it nearly 9 years!

[fillybuster]

Well done for making it to 20 months, you definitely deserve a medal I know, mixed feelings when you finally stop, but its also good to recognise that as one stage comes to an end, another one is starting...and yes, it does mean that dd is that little bit more independent and is growing up, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing....

[Habbibu]

Yes, I know, but I am kind of making it for her too, Eulalia - I do want to stop, I just want it to be really gentle. We'll see - previously her routine has been to have a bath, and then sit with me and feed on sofa, then stories with cup of milk and bed. I just removed the sofa bit tonight, and she didn't raise the slightest objection. She does prefer having stories to pretty much anything else on earth! I think I'll play it by ear - you're right that it'll seem nicer not to think "this is the last one"...

[tab1]

can I ask a question, my dd is 11 months and bf, I was thinking of stopping at 12 months, she feeds 3 or 4 times a day still, how do I do it, do I swap 1 feed for a cup of milk (how much milk) or do i offer cup of milk each time? She hardly has any breast milk now.

[Habbibu]

Oh, I don't know, tab - perhaps not the brst person to be asking right now! I guess you could offer a cup and see if she takes that and seems cheerful... I think that's what I did with daytime feeds, and what I've done now. Argh. Downside of MN is that I'd never heard of self-weaning before, and now am a bit mixed up! But I do want to stop, I do, and I think she'll be ok about it. It's maybe not ideal, but it is probably good enough.

[Habbibu]

Well, it's been a week! She asked a quizzical "swap sides?" before her nap on the first day, but she hasn't fed in the day for ages, so I just said, "not just now", which she was perfectly happy with, and since then, not a thing. She's going to bed really happily, sleeping fine - same as ever. Phew! I don't feel so bad now - although she didn't self-wean, she doesn't seem to mind at all. And I do feel relieved. A lot has gone on lately, and I'm a bit stressed and weary, and was beginning to resent her feeding, and that's not how I want to remember feeding her. And I reckon 20 months is not bad going. Ta dah!

[andiem]

well done hab you have done a fantastic job glad the transition was so painless
am about to start weaning my 12 month old wish me luck