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what should i do please read

(17 Posts)
sweetpee Wed 19-Jan-05 10:37:52

I feel really bad i am bf have been for 8 weeks there is not really a problem babys doing well with it it just that i dont feel im enjoying it or want to do it the only reason i am doing it is i feel guilty to stop and go to bottle anyone felt the same or anyone got any advice?

Marina Wed 19-Jan-05 10:47:46

Why do you feel really bad, sweetpee? It's normal and not "bad" to not enjoy breastfeeding much and you should be REALLY proud of yourself for making it work so well so far when it is not giving you much personal pleasure.
There are a lot of people on Mumsnet who have breastfed because they feel it's the best start for their baby, and have been quite open about not finding it much fun.
Here are some positive thoughts about continuing for you to consider:
- You are saving yourself a lot of money on formula by continuing
- You don't have the hassle of sterilising and mixing feeds
- You don't have to worry about packing a bottle and reheating etc when on your travels
- You might find that in a few weeks time you start to enjoy it more. Honestly, I did. My first eight weeks with my first baby were NOT much fun, but I relaxed about it loads more by the time he was 3 months.

If you do decide you can't hack it anymore, then you would need to gradually reduce the breastfeeds and make sure your baby was happy taking a bottle.

I hope you are lucky enough to have a good Health Visitor who will also give you some constructive advice about stopping/continuing. There are also some brilliant b/f counsellors on here, I hope one of them sees your message.

But don't feel guilty about stopping if you are not happy! Just feel proud of what you have achieved.

Tessiebear Wed 19-Jan-05 10:51:42

If i was you i would feel proud of the fact that you are able to do it successfully (i dont think immense enjoyment is always part of the package). When i BF DS2 i had mastitis 8 times in 8 months which was very draining. I was just releived to do it without pain... and know i was giving my baby the best start.

fredly Wed 19-Jan-05 11:44:00

bf was awful for me for the 1st 2 months, in fact until I had a mastitis. It was toe curling painful but there was no way I was going to stop. Just knowing what the benefits were for my baby was enough to motivate me. Now, at 4.5mths, I really enjoy it. Keep going, you're doing the best thing for you and your baby.

fisil Wed 19-Jan-05 11:45:47

What is most important is that you and your baby are both happy. That is the single greatest gift you can give as a mother. Remember this in any decision you make, because it can be a very difficult decision. Good luck.

Socci Wed 19-Jan-05 11:51:31

Message withdrawn

sobernow Wed 19-Jan-05 12:02:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wilbur Wed 19-Jan-05 12:10:51

I agree with sobernow - I found bf'ing very unpleasant and painful for about 10 weeks and then it settled into a better pattern for me (a bit of routine helped me feel my boobs were not on permanent duty!). One thing that really helped was expressing from about 6 weeks and getting dh to give ds a bottle of ebm for the feed at around 11pm - gave him a chance to muck in and I could go to bed early - have you tried expressing? It's a bit weird at first, but it was a godsend for me. Or, if you move to mixed feeding, you may well find that you are happy to continue with am and pm b'feeds for longer. There are lots of options, but you mustn't feel guilty about which you choose - you've done really well so far so pat yourself on the back for that!

sweetpee Wed 19-Jan-05 15:09:02

hi its not painfull or anything im very lucky ive been to mother and baby group and am feeling better noe have spoken to other people some who had trouble and counldnt bf so i have took the veiw to think im one off the lucky ones and to carry on and think postive!!

sobernow Wed 19-Jan-05 19:08:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aloha Wed 19-Jan-05 19:13:47

I think there are some romantic notions about breastfeeding - ie that's it is a wonderful communion between mother and child. And of course, it is like that for some people. For others it is much more pragmatic - a convenient and healthy way to feed your baby, end of story. I have to say that I intend to breastfeed my next baby, not because I love doing it but because it's the best food and I had an easy time doing it - ie no pain - and ds really, really loved it. I mixed fed from early on and for me, personally, I felt worse if I felt breastfeeding slipping away from me than I did making the effort to feed more often and get my supply back up. When I stopped feeling sad at the thought of stopping, I stopped with no stress for me or for my son. I think it sounds as if you are doing well, you shouldn't feel pressured into carrying on if you really don't want to, but if stopping would also make you feel unhappy, then carry on (if that makes ANY sense at all!).

alwayssaythanku Wed 19-Jan-05 20:01:00

If you even breastfeed for three days, at least your baby got the best start it could have. I think the statistics show that the first 6-8 weeks are the hardest and that is when women fall off the breastfeeding wagon. If you can make it past 8 weeks into 10 or 12 weeks you should have it hooked. If you dont though, dont beat yourself up about it. Many women dont even try, or dont get the support they need. The fact you made it to 8 weeks is fantastic and your baby will thank you forever. If you can though, I would say go on with it. I felt so sad after i gave it up. I even tried to relactate but it was too late. Baby loved bottle too much. Whatever happens you did great and you should give yourself a gold star!!! Go on girl!

PrettyCandles Wed 19-Jan-05 20:10:48

Is your baby in any sort of routine? If you're on-call all of the time then it can, as wilbur says, be rather rough on you.

IMHO the mother's contentedness is almost as important as the baby's. If you truly want to go over to bottles, then do so. You've done really well to bf for 8wks -it's not as easy as we're led to believe. Only make sure to give up very slowly, no faster than one bottle per week, otherwise you may get very engorged and uncomfortable.

If you're in mixed mine about it, why not set yourself a deadline, say one month from today, to reassess? (Another thing we're always told is that bf takes about 6wks to establish, and then afterwards (it's implied) it's a doddle. Ha ha ha. It took me rather longer.) When you're unsure about something, having a chance to stop worrying about it and knowing that you will allow yourself to think about it again at a certain defined point, often eases the anxiety.

Above all, remember that you have given your baby a wonderful start and you don't need to feel bad about it .

sweetpee Wed 19-Jan-05 20:14:16

thanks for all your advice you all have been a great help i am going to try and carry on and think that dd is getting a good start and possably just having a few days of feeling low and worrying my brain is all over the place but my gut!! is telling me to carry on and it will pass. Your right if i did stop now i will most likely be kicking my self in a few weeks! just have to look forward;

Thanks again every one

janeybops Wed 19-Jan-05 20:15:07

I didn't really like bf either, but it does get a bit easier. Why not set yourself a target of 12 weeks and then if you still don't like it much start dropping feeds gradually?

Alternatively, combine breast and bottle so you would stiil be bf some feeds a day and bottles for the rest. I did this with my second and felt much happier with the whole bf thing! In fact I have just given ds his last ever bedtime bf about 15 mins ago and he is 15 months!!!! ONly managed dd till 8 months

Libb Wed 19-Jan-05 20:34:57

Sweetpee, you have done so well to get to 8 weeks. I felt the same way as you at 8 weeks as I felt like I was a slave to my boobs (I went with demand feeling as I can't routine myself let alone a little one). I would dread each feed and loved the little naps DS had inbetween.

A number of factors made me carry on. 1. being that I was felt I had come this far and I am a stubborn old fool, 2. that I am also lazy and the idea of washing bottles peeved me!, 3. I found the idea of DS latching on and letting me grab a few more zzzzzs in bed very nice (once he was a little older that is) and 4. (this is a one off when he was about 16 weeks) because I was in our nearest city shopping and DS started screaming hard for food - I was able to sit cross legged under a tree and discreetly tank him up without anyone batting an eyelid. (it was also in the middle of a thunderstorm so didn't have time to dash to a baby friendly shop. That has one of my favourite cuddling moments with him so far (it was also Summer and therefore not cold before anyone wonders)).

Those are some of my own personal reasons for carrying on - your reasons for making a decision one way or another are for you. Don't ever feel you are making a wrong decision - as someone has already said Happy Mummy = Happy Baby. DS is now 8 months and on formula and loving weaning - I am still lazy and not loving the washing!

PrettyCandles Wed 19-Jan-05 20:42:31

Just realised that I was unclear when I said 'one bottle per week'. I meant drop one feed and replace it with one bottle at the same time every day for one week, then another feed so you give two bottles a day for one week, and so on.

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