BF disaster with DS. please can someone reassure/help me as pregnant with DC #2

[fledtoscotland]

when i was pregnant with DS i felt very forced into breast feeding by DH, my mum and the MWs. "breast is best" etc etc so when DS was born after a very complicated pregnancy and birth, i found it difficult living up to the expectations of everyone. so when i developed a big infection a week after the birth, it was a relief to change to bottles and get the antibiotics.

this time round, i have just told everyone i'm bottle feeding and there's so much less pressure. now i'm beginning to think i would like to try breast feeding again but am scared that it will be like last time.

basically, DS wasnt and still isnt a good feeder and he was difficult to latch onto the right side. i was told to change sides and that "he would just get used to it" but he fought and my nipples bled. he was then wanting to suck for a couple of minutes at most probably every 35-40mins which i found exhausting. is this normal? is there anything i could do to make #2 latch on and feed better? will my nipples bleed again?

i am reluctant to discuss this with MW's as they are very dogmatic about what's best and will just tell me that if i position the baby right that the baby will latch on fine and thats that.

please help as i dont want to feel that i'm failing (prob too strong a word but the right sentiment) again.

thanks

[kolakube]

I think the breast police make an already difficult time even harder. I would suggest you keep an open mind, try BF if you feel like it after the delivery and cut yourself some slack if it all goes tits up (sorry!). Each baby is different, you're more experienced and so long as DS is ultimately thriving just go with the flow. A healthy, happy mother is the most important thing a baby needs IMO.

[VictorianSqualor]

Each baby is different, but picking up on something you said about DS, some babies find it harder to latch onto one side than the other, I've read a few times on MN about cranial osteopathy helping fix it because some babies just can't turn ther heads as comfortably the other way, so if you have those issues again, try seeking help for it.

Don't bother talking to the mw's about breastfeeding, they are midwives, trained in midwifery, not breastfeeding, if you need to talk to someone talk to a specific breastfeeding counsellor, maybe call one of the helplines (listed on my profile) and see if you can meet up with someone before the brith to talk through your anxieties.

Above all, make sure it's your decision to or not to breastfeed, and actually tell the people that pressured you last time that it was their pressure that made you consider bottle feeding.
GTood luck

[IlanaK]

"Breast police"? I find that term really offensive actually and not at all helpful to the original poster.

Fledtoscotland - I would suggest speaking to a bf counsellor while you are still pregnant to talk about what happened last time as your bad experience will certainly colour your perceptions this time around. They can also give you lots of useful information to prepare you for this time.

Call the National Breastfeeding Helpline (which will get you through to a fully qualified ABM or BFN bf counsellor) on 0844 20 909 20

[whomovedmychocolate]

Breastfeeding is a learning experience for the baby and the mum and each of you has to get the hang of it. It sounds like you were put under so much pressure you were bound to fail - breastfeeding when you start can be bloody hard exhausting work.

Yes they feed for hours at a time and it's very tiring. Yes until things get settled and sorted out and both your body and your baby get used to proper latching etc, it can be painful.

But if you do get decent advice and relax a bit about it it does turn into a really lovely thing.

Personally if I were you, I'd ask your midwife to refer you to their infant feeding representative - this will be someone who is trained in both breastfeeding and bottlefeeding who will talk to you about what didn't work last time and whether, if you decide to try this time, what support you will need to give you a better chance.

[fledtoscotland]

thanks everyone. Ilanak - although i think the term breast police could be offensive, i do agree with kolakube's use of it. with DS i wasnt really given an option and it was very much "you will breast feed" from all the healthprofessionals. when i asked about bottle feeding at antenatal classes, i was told they dont discuss it as "breast is best". end of story.

am actually going to the scottish baby show on friday so was going to get some info there.

i suppose i just dont want to go through the same experience as last time which resulted in DS not feeding at all until we'd worked through avent and tommee tippee bottles until we eventually discovered MAM which were a godsend.

BTW - is BF always painful? please be honest.

[whomovedmychocolate]

Oh god no. For me it was painful for the first two weeks - when the milk was let down - but that was just massively high prolactin levels (I was seriously drugged up to the eyeballs on syntocin and it threw my system completely out). I had a latching problem for seven days until I whined at enough midwives and health visitors that I got some help (oh and I bought a pillow to lie DD on and found magically that solved the problem).

I'm still feeding her now, I'm six months pregnant and she's 18 months old. Do you honestly think someone as wussy as me (take my word for it, I'm not good at pain) would still be feeding if it hurt?

[fledtoscotland]

thanks WMMC - you make me feel better

you would have thought with my nightmare pregnancy and birth last time i would be used to pain but i still cry when i stub my toe

[whomovedmychocolate]

LOL - we all do. Although mostly we swear creatively first!

So I had a nightmare pregnancy and birth last time and this time, it's been a bloody breeze in comparison! Hold onto that thought - you've been through the worst, now you are an old hand and know what to do, you'll find it much easier.

[fledtoscotland]

you're right. this pregnancy is easy compared to last time. lets hope the birth and BF are the same!

[VictorianSqualor]

I'm feeding a 6day old, it doesnt hurt anymore, isnt sore either though let down makes me cringe if i'm really full.