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Infant feeding

BF 2nd time round- feels v different and not sure I'm enjoying it

5 replies

Haylstones · 21/04/2008 11:24

I bf dd for 18 months and was adamant she wouldn't have formula. She fed frequently but I didn't mind, i enjoyed the special bond we had and it never felt like a chore.
Ds is now 8 weeks and we've had no probs with bf- he feeds every 2-3 hours, is very fast and doesn't really comfort suck (he's just discovered his fingers). However, I just feel it's one more thing that I'm exclusively responsible for and feel a bit overwhelmed. I'm getting little sleep and now I've recovered from cs am back to doing the majority of housework as well as doing all dd's activities. I'm also training for Race for Life, which knackers me but is for me. Bf this time is functional rather than enjoyable
It's as if there are demands on me all the time and even if I do get some 'time off' I'm constantly watching the clock.
I don't think I want to stop bf, I don't really know what I do want.
Dh helps a bit but as I've recovered and started getting back to normal he's started working more hours again plus we try to do as much with dd to stop her feeling left out, which he normally does. He's been in the spare room since ds was born so that at least one of us would have some energy and so he could get up with ds in the morning for an hour or so but that just isn't happening- if I ask him to come and get him he says in a minute, which normally turns into 30 mins by which point I'm wide awake. I don't think i should have to ask!

Sorry for rambling, not having a good day and suspect the issue isn't actually bf at all

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Haylstones · 21/04/2008 12:35

Bump, anyone around?

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pampam · 21/04/2008 12:39

Hi Haylstones, just wanted to say well done for bfing this long and sorry you're having a hard time at the moment. 8 weeks is not very long after a c section, are you sure you're really back to full health? I think you need to sit down with your dh and tell him you're feeling overwhelmed and that you need more support with housework and your dd.
If your ds isn't really comfort sucking then I think you need to consider the fact that making up formula and sterilising bottles etc etc would probably be just as time consuming as bfing anyway and although dh could do some of the bottles etc it would probably be better for him to help out more with the other stuff so you can get on with the breastfeeding. Maybe get dh back in bed with you so he can change nappies/take ds out of the cot for the night feeds and hopefully be awake in the mornings.
I only have 1 dd so far but i imagine that there is a period of adjustment when the second child arrives that can take some getting used to. If you're having more bad days than good it maybe worth going to see your GP but getting dh to help out more and maybe some other support from family/friends might be just as good?
HTHS a bit, sorry for waffling....

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shrinkingsagpuss · 21/04/2008 12:43

I felt different with second baby too - DS (first babe) fed fpro ages at a time, but I felt v confident he had had lots of milk. DD was a pain, and faffed around, and only ever snacked.

I found there were so many things I wanted to be doing, and I didn't really enjoy it second time around either.I'm back at work next week so have just stopped.

Bear in mind that if you are training you will need extra extra calories, as you are now chasing a toddler around as well -just not quite having enough energy can make you feel rubbish.

As for DH's... don't get me started - DD is 8 months old, and he has only just bathed her and DS for the first time on sunday!!

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Haylstones · 21/04/2008 12:53

Thanks, tbh dh is normally pretty good but just over the past couple of weeks things have slid a bit. He says he's tired and unwell . It's better that he's in the spare room, believe me (long story). Hope fully I'll get ds sleeping better soon and he can move back in . It's most annoying in the mornings when it's 7am and I've got ds and dd in bed with me while he is snoring in the spare room despite me callin him 3 or 4 times to take them off my hands for 1/2 an hour.
He was away for 2 nights last week then out cycling for the whole day yesterday and working from home last night so i asked if he could take over for a while when he comes in tonight only to be told he had a horrendous couple of days coming up at work so I'd barely see him
We dont have any family nearby and friends are pretty good but they all have children of their own and their own routines. I looked into travelling ot my mums for a few days but it was extortionate (can't believe I have to pay for ds to sit on my lap)
I'm going to have to make dh listen to me I think.

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LolaLadybird · 21/04/2008 21:42

It's not easy with your 2nd - my DD1 is 2.9 and DS2 5 months. I bf DD for 9 months and (apart from v beginning) enjoyed it and felt really positive about it. Found it v different with DS though. For some reason, he never really took to bfing (long story) and so, after much deliberation, I gave up at about 2 months and I have to say, I've not regretted it once (and still feel just as much of a bond as I did with DD). Interestingly, I know several mums who bf successfully and for a long time with their first, but just didn't work out the second time (partly because you just don't have the time that you do with your first). I'm not suggesting you should do the same but I think you should do what feels right for you and not give yourself a hard time about it.

When I think back to when DS was 8 wks I was knackered and still adjusting to juggling 2 children but it does get better. It's so true that you don't realise how easy looking after one was until you have another.

As for your DH, it's not pretty but if he doesn't do enough then just nag! My DH is pretty good now but would do much less if I let him get away with it (similar to most men I think!).

Good luck and keep us posted.

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