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Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Infant feeding

how do you ask how someone is feeding their baby? or is it best not to?

146 replies

milkgoddess · 28/02/2008 14:51

hi, yes i bumped into a really nice girl who lives on my street today, lovely wee new baby.we got chatting as i had my 8 month old with me, but i felt like i couldn't ask her if she was breastfeeding incase i upset her if she wasn't.
anyway my point is is there ever an acceptable way to ask or is it a bit rude ?

OP posts:

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tiktok · 28/02/2008 14:56

I sometimes ask 'how's the feeding going?' as this is neutral and makes no assumptions. They can just say 'fine!' and move on to something else if they don't want to tell you anything more.

I don;t think it's rude to ask that, surely.....

Maveta · 28/02/2008 14:56

It's probably very subjective. I breastfeed but still always feel a little taken aback when people I don't know very well ask me if I am. I kind of wonder why they want to know. I definitely feel like it's none of their business but I don't say anything and answer politely.

Maveta · 28/02/2008 14:58

I agree with tiktok, something neutral is fine, just like asking if they are sleeping well etc etc but directly asking how they feed just seems a bit invasive.

stleger · 28/02/2008 15:12

My boss (male in his forties) asks straight out and then wants to know why you aren't breastfeeding.... I would suggest a subtler approach if you need to know!

suzywong · 28/02/2008 15:14

second for "how's the feeding going?"
I always ask

SKYTVADDICT · 28/02/2008 15:15

I was wondering how to ask my 27 year old neice if she is going to b/f when she has her baby in May.

Her mum (my sister) b/f all three of hers so I might just ask her instead. I am sure she will have know.

Not that it matters I suppose but my sister did give me a lecture when I didn't b/f DD1 so I am sure my neice has had it too.

WaynettaSlob · 28/02/2008 15:15

But why is it any of your business?? (by that I mean anyone's business, not having a go at you, IYSWIM)

hana · 28/02/2008 15:15

why do you need to know? sounds a bit weird to me

WaynettaSlob · 28/02/2008 15:17

What are you going to do with the information you are given in reponse? Apart from judge her.

(sorry, this is one of those threads that I didn't realise would light my fuse but it appears to have!! )

Fillyjonk · 28/02/2008 15:18

agree with maveta

am hardcore bfder, and have bf 3 kids with no problems, but never get WHY anyone would want to know really. I do find it slightly intrusive.

I don't ask. If you stick around a mother and newborn you generally find out quite quickly, if ou really want to know...

VeniVidiVickiQV · 28/02/2008 15:18

I'd not ask tbh. If you dont know someone well enough to know how they feed their baby anyway, then there is no tactful way to ask without any risk of them being offended.

RedJools · 28/02/2008 15:19

People say to me "are you feeding him yourself?" !!, meaning am I bf'ing (which I am- but would be a bit offended by that choice of phrase if I was bottlefeeding!!)No, I'm having Mrs Jones at no.6 do it for me!

milkgoddess · 28/02/2008 15:20

sorry im certainly not intending on lighgting your fuse, i was just interested, thats all, in a conversation making way, and i thought id get tips on how to ask with out hurting her feelings if she is not bf. i think hows the feeding going is a great way to ask. im going for a coffee with her tomorrow, so i thought i prepare myself incase i say anything silly.
thats why im asking so not to hurt anyone iykwim?

OP posts:

hana · 28/02/2008 15:21

but why do you need to know?

ConnorTraceptive · 28/02/2008 15:22

Would never occur to me to want to know - why do you out of interest?

If your really want to know you could just say "How's their appetite?"

mylovelymonster · 28/02/2008 15:27

agree with tiktok - breaks the ice and might get conversation going/ unearth issues/ questions the new mum might have that she wouldn't think to ask unless you'd xpressed faint interest? If the answer is 'fine' though, no harm done, surely.

Fillyjonk · 28/02/2008 15:32

I think also it is going to be a tricky subject for quite a lot of new mothers, who are either struggling with bfding or for whom it hasn't worked.

God I wouldn't dream of asking, thinking about it. Its such a personal question. Why on earth does anyone need to know?

milkgoddess · 28/02/2008 15:33

i don't need to know at all, sorry please don't take me the wrong way. i just thought of it as a conversational thing iykwim.
and i didn't want to go plodding in with are you breasting? as its quite direct and could upset.
and i just wanted to let her know if she need any help or support im here and only a few doors down the street thats all.
somtimes its just nice to say to someone that s been there oh im knackered dd's been of hte boob for 4 hours non stop or whatever.

OP posts:

milkgoddess · 28/02/2008 15:35

uhoh i think i better scarper outta here sharpish. i do not need to know, i just thought it was a conversational thing.

OP posts:

witchandchips · 28/02/2008 15:36

i would ask about poo. All new parents are worried about colour, smell and texture of lo poo and how it relates to what goes in the other end.
e.g
Q Many dirty nappies then?
A oh yes and it is full of this stuff that looks like grass. Worried as i have been told that might be getting too much fore-milk
you reply (smug in knowledge that you now know that mum is bf) "well i wouldn't worry about that, they take what they need and poo out what they don't

stleger · 28/02/2008 15:37

Why not ask how weaning is going and take it from there....

tiktok · 28/02/2008 15:38

Why do I want to know?

Well.....I am (genuinely) interested in all babies, and just as I'd ask what the weight was, and what they're going to call the baby, and how the new mum is feeling, I'm nosy enough to want to know how the baby's being fed as well and if it's difficult or not But I also know it could be a sensitive or intrusive question, so I ask how 'it' is going, and leave it up to her to expand on it if she wants to.

Blimey - asking 'how's the feeding going?' is fine, surely? It is not like asking if they have started having sex again, or if she's constipated, or sumpin'......

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Fillyjonk · 28/02/2008 15:39

well i think that is quite reasonable

but even if she IS bottlefeeding she will be knackered, won't she? I always thought bottlefeeding was probably more work, all the sterilising and getting up out of a nice warm bed...I bf and hardly left my bedroom for about 3 days after dd2 was born (helped that she was born there...).

Maybe just approach it from the tiredness pov? ALL new mothers are tired, surely?

tiktok · 28/02/2008 15:40

milkgoddess, of course it's a conversational thing! Nothing wrong with talking about it

FioFio · 28/02/2008 15:40

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