how could your mum support you best, to help you bf ?

[gingerbreadgirl]

hi just been thinking about my lovely baby girl.
sadly bf didn't work out for us
largely due to no support

one thing that upsets me is if dd ever has a baby and wants to bf
how am i going to help her?

i know i would never say the shit things my mum said to be

but i just want to be there for her in everyway

how would i be able to help ?

so far ive thought of
telling her how well she is doing
making sure she is not worried about housework or anything else
getting her drinks and snacks

what else would of been helpful to you ?

[dressedupnowheretogotilxmas]

not telling her i only did for etc anmont of days when shes struggling say heres the lll or nct bf line

buy her nursing bras and hold her hand at bf support group before she gives birth

[gingerbreadgirl]

thought of a couple more

take her to any baby cafe bf groups,if she is unable to drive etc

pay for her to go to nct antenatal classes

this is all if she wants to of course !

[MerryXMoss]

Gingerbreadgirl

I think you would be able to help her really well as you would do exactly what you wish your Mum had done for you.

[gingerbreadgirl]

good one about the nursing bras

and going to any groups with her

[Ledodgy]

Make sure she comes on MN. If she has other children take them out lots in the early days so your dd can bed in with her lo.

[gingerbreadgirl]

thanks mossy


just finding out, from the bf girls on here what support they would like from there mums
and what would help

[BettySpaghetti]

Stock up her freezer with lovely, nutritious homemade meals (and stodgy puddings ) that can be easily reheated.

That would give her chance to take time over feeding rather than worrying about the next meal. It would also help her keep her strength up through good wholesome food.

[gingerbreadgirl]

yes thats great tips ledodgy
i could easily do that

just thought of another, get her a good bf book, like maybe the nct one

[gingerbreadgirl]

yes betty thats another great one

wow theres so much i can do

[CorrieDale]

Try to resist the urge to offer advice (other than 'here are the helpline numbers, would you like to call? I can hold DB while you do, if you'd like?) No matter what advice you give will be construed by an emotional hormonal trying-to-breastfeed woman as criticism. And when she's looking abstractedly around Starbucks, wondering if she dare feed the baby before the baby realises she's properly hungry and goes ballistic, say 'shall I get the coffees while you feed baby?', thereby making it all feel completely normal. Of course we may have legislation in place by then and it may truly be completely normal. But just in case...

[Anna8888]

This is great idea for a thread.

My mother has supported my sister and me breastfeeding our children by having us to stay with her for the first six weeks after the birth (our firstborns) OR going to stay for the first six weeks after the birth (my sister's two subsequent children) and taking total care of us so that we could focus on our babies, recovering from childbirth and getting breastfeeding established.

She did everything for me - including making me cups of tea and bringing me bits of cake while I sat around in an armchair.

It was fantastic, I recovered brilliantly from the birth (as did my sister) and all four grandchildren have been breastfed past their 3rd birthdays.

[gingerbreadgirl]

oh yes i could def say and help too
that must of been fab anna

and yes great tips about resisting giving advice, ans th starbucks thing, yes i can see that would help that. that its just the normal thing to do

thanks for the great tips

[TwinklyfLightAttendant]

Always supporting her with regard to her needing to get to the baby asap when it needs a feed - going with her to say, dentist appts in early days, so you can get the baby to her asap if it cries, for example. Getting to know the baby so you know how to soothe/entertain it if she can't get to it right away.
taking charge of older child, when she needs to feed baby.
Believing it is best for baby, no question. But not judging her if it doesn't work out.

I'm sorry your mum wasn't helpful x

[gingerbreadgirl]

this is all great, there really is so many thing i caould do to support her or anyone else come to think of it

[MerryXMoss]

I'm estranged from my mother so can't say how she would've been, but my mil was awful. Literally grabbing ds from me and giving him a dummy saying "he isn't hungry!" and I was just too knackered and postnatally hormonal to stand up for myself.

So I think everything down here is good, and a few more:

Don't hog the baby; your job's to mother her, not to cuddle with the wee one - that's your reward for mothering her!

Don't put pressure on her to express milk so you can feed the baby.

Don't offer to take the baby from her so she can "get a break". Give her the break from everything else so she can spend it with her baby.

I'm sorry your Mum was unsupportive.

[dal21]

offer to take baby in with you at nights so that DD can get some rest.

DS was/ is a noisy sleeper and when mum was with me - she would take him in at night, do nappy change, bring him to me for feed (then supply me with any snacks i may need) then once feed was done, take him and wind settle him so I could go straight back to sleep. was an amazing help! and definitely helped me to persevere with the bfeeding as made the tiredness nowhere near as bad as it may have been without that help.

all other things - taking care of housework/ cooking (including filling freezer with food when gone) are an amazing help also.

finally - plenty of encouragement and compliments go a long long way. especially at 4am in the morning when formula milk looks soooo tempting!