Breastfeeding 16 month old

[NewMumma1819]

Hi, I have posted before but only got 1 reply so hopefully will get more here.

I want to stop bf my son who is 16 months old. He has always been fed to sleep with ease but now I want to stop this so his dad can help out with bed time/nap time. We tried controlled crying once around 2 months ago but it did not go to plan and we vowed never to try it again (at least until he understands we are still in the house with him anyway). If you leave him in his cot he will scream until he is sick (this only takes a few minutes to happen - we didn't leave him for hours on end). If I hold him and rock/sway he fights me to get to feed. If you pick up/put down this upsets him more. When I pat his bum in cot and stroke his back he'll lay there as if he's asleep but the second I'm out of the room he stands up and screams. Does anyone have any tips on a gentle way to help him soothe himself? He won't take a dummy and doesn't have a specific teddy or blanket he's attached to either...

[Whuut]

I cant help with the cot part as we still cosleep with our 22mo. But I did night wean at about 18m. It was hell to begin with but I'm so glad we did it. Can your partner do bedtime? That's what we did as DS knew I wasn't there, so boob wasn't there. My partner just took over bedtime/nights for about 2 weeks. DS did get a bit upset a couple times but he was never left alone. We actually changed to a bottle of milk at bedtime for a while and now we just sing and cuddle to sleep but obviously this is easier as we're in the same bed.

I think it's important to explain there will be no more boob, I used to tell DS a few times a day and the hour leading up to bed I would really try to help him understand. Could you try reading some books and singing some songs sat in a chair together, then put him in the cot and keep on singing? Or maybe just let your partner try and see what happens? Sometimes they surprise you how they react to different people. My son sleeps through with my mum, definitely doesn't with me! 🤨

Sorry if all that is useless! Hope you get some other good responses.

[Merename]

Yes I would night wean first, and have your partner do the settling for the first few nights. Doesn’t need to be controlled crying, just lots of cuddles and explaining mum is asleep, no more milk at nighttime. Talking about it during the day.

[Horehound]

Hey, my boy is 19m and I'm still BF even though I've never liked it.

He wakes a few times a night too and a couple of weeks ago I told my husband I was struggling so we decided we were Gona start weaning at the weekend. It didn't quite go to plan because he started teething but what I did do, was being a cup of cosy milk up to his room after his bath. After he was in his pyjamas I say and read some books whilst he drank the milk and then I said oh Peter rabbit and rara look sleep, will you take them to bed? And he was happy Togo in with no feed from me!! That lasted three nights but then got a cold too so BF helps unblock his nose. managed to get him to take milk from cup again last night and he only woke up once in night (usually 2-3 times).

So if you can start doing something like that then gradually reduce feeds that way?
Also, it's important to highlight that not BF doesn't mean he won't wake up. You might just have to find other ways to comfort.
But I had a hard time with my boy going into the cot ages ago without tears and now this trick is working plus I'm using lullably lambs mobile thing which projects starts onto the ceiling and that kind if distracts him too. Once he's in and mucks around a bit I occasionally have to use a stern voice to get him to concentrate on falling sleep. Occasionally I hold his hand or rub his back.

[NewMumma1819]

Thank you so much for responding. He works odd hours so everyday is different and a bit unpredictable. So sometimes yes but not always. We have just discussed and we will try soon when he's off work with it so he doesn't have to be up the next day if it means late nights etc. I have said to him over the last few weeks 'no more boobie now, milks all gone' but he gets extremely frustrated and upset so he does understand what it means. Have also tried cutting feeds short which hasn't helped either 🤷‍♀️ kind of hoping over the next few weeks as it hopefully warms up he might want to go outside after tea and wear himself out so he will then come in and zonk out on us/in cot.

[Horehound]

Oh meant to say if the patting works you just need to stand and do it longer I think! My boy has two soft toys but he always hands me them right before he sleeps lol so isn't too attached either and we seem to go through different toys every wee while.

When I first started putting son in cot we used the gentle baby sleep book. I'll see if I can find it and take some photos of the pages for you

[Horehound]

Also sorry I keep posting stuff but I think putting him to nursery helped. They all go into little beds and he has started putting himself to sleep there. So I think when they see other kids do it they learn from that too

[NewMumma1819]

Sorry, didn't see the last 2 posts. He doesn't generally wake up in the night anymore for milk, just before bed, on waking and for morning nap does he want a feed. We do have a pretty solid bedtime routine of bath, Pj's and feed to sleep so I'm sure we could try adding something in replacement of the feed. Thank you @Horehound for the ideas. He won't let me read to him though at the moment so will try something with a cuddly toy. No, I don't like feeding either! 😂

[Horehound]

You could take the milk up and pretend to give it to a toy. "Oh look teddy is thirsty, do you want some cosy milk teddy? Oh you do! Here... sip sip sip, well done teddy" then offer to your baby. I honestly did not think for a mi Ute my son would go down without a feed from me and couldn't believe it when it worked! But if it doesn't keep trying like once a week or something.

[BunnyRuddington]

If he's more or less night weaned, and it's the bedtime feed you want to drop, I'd pick a week when your DH is home and go out at the beginning of bedtime for a week. You could go food shopping, meet a friend for a walk or just walk to the local park.

We did this with both of ours, who always fed to sleep by DH following the same routine but swapping a BF for Cow's Milk. The little soda seemed to know that I was out of the house and just accepted the Cow's Milk. After a week they no longer need a BF to get to sleep at night and would quite happily let DH do bedtime.

[NewMumma1819]

Thanks everyone. We are going to try in a few weeks when partner is off. He actually went to sleep without feeding last night after 2 hours of faffing at breast and generally wanting to not sleep (he was tired though). Hopefully it's a sign of things to come. Will try and stay strong tonight and avoid breast again. He did take some water from a cup to calm down last night too...