Urgent help please

[mandler]

All the helplines are busy and I need advice quick. Just had health visitor round who looked at screaming colicky baby (who has been on and off boob all day) and told me to top him up wth formula. She then goes off and speaks to her colleagues who look at his weight gain (he is three weeks and on 25th centile) and decide that I am not producing enough and definitely need to top up.
I am so upset, crying my eyes out as I have been made to feel like I am starving my baby. The same health visitors have watch me feed and checked his weight all along and have never had a problem. What the hell do I do? I feel so guilty as he lies here screaming that I have a bottle of formula here and ready to give him.
Help!!

[StaryNightSky]

Hey,

I'm sure someone will be along in mo. But remember the says that HC are nearly always wrong!

Take a deep calming breath and give a few mins. I'm sure someone will more experience than I have will be along.

[hunkermunker]

What's his weight gain been like? How much did he weigh when he was born?

How many wet/dirty nappies is he having?

Can you bf him now instead of give him the bottle? You won't produce any more milk by giving bottles - it is likely to mean the end of bfing.

Sorry to be blunt - have to go now.

[StealthPolarBear]

how long has he been screaming and colicky?

[Peachy]

can I ask, what do YOU want to do?

Is your child gaining any weight at all (I dont just mean last few days)? Does he seem alert and have wet nappies?

If so, then this decision is yours to make, not that of a HV.

If he's been on and off all day it could be that he's a bit colicky and has been trying to relieve that, or has had lots of very short snacks which can upset them a bit occasionally?

Keep trying on the helplines- there are many, abm 9assocaiotn of breastfeeding mthers), La leche, NCT etc etc- all wprth a go.

Good luck- you're doinga great job, sadly your HV may not be.

X

[StaryNightSky]

One other thing. I am certain even with my limited knowledge that you are not starving your DC.

Calm down don't give him the ff untill you've got some more advise.

just hang in and remember that you are doing a great job and everything will be ok.

[Peachy]

X'd posts with Hunker- she knows more than I

[monkeybird]

You are not starving your baby and these f*ing HVs should be shot. They have a legal requirement to make sure babies are OK but they seem to do so much damage. I think beyond a certain age (is it 4 weeks?) you don't have to speak to them except for the key checks. If she's not helping support BF, then don't let her in the house!

Or more rationally...

...Take a breath, get your confidence back and don't do anything tonight until you've talked to a BF counsellor.

First thing I'd be asking straight away if I was you, is has the weight moved dramatically up or down the centile lines or has it pretty much stayed on the same line give or take a bit? If it's still moving in the same direction, I really don't see what the problem is.

And even if there was a weight drop, it wouldn't necessarily be a problem since you can still build up your supply if necessary and the baby needs it...

Don't give that formula yet: there's absolutely no reason why that HV should make you feel like this!

Will post more later but sure others will too!

[frostymorning]

What centile was your baby on when he was born? Has he gained any weight since birth, has it levelled off or is it still falling?

It's true that any decision in relation to your baby is for you to make. However, your HV is there to advise you. Did she say anymore about why she thought you should supplement with formula. Hunker is right that your milk supply will fall off if you decrease breast feeds but, depending on what is going on you might need to.

[ruddynorah]

are you still there mandler? what happens if you try to put him to your breast now? the only way to make more milk is to feed more. giving bottles won't make you make more. please remember HVs are not bf experts! try the helplines again.

[frostymorning]

Monkey, no-one has to see a HV ever it they don't want to, not even for assessments. They can just decline the HV service and that is okay.

[dd666]

please dont give up bfing unless it is what you want!
the more you feed the more milk you will produce, and he is more than likely keep wanting more bf to comfort himself!
have you tried any colic remedies before stopping bfing my dd has only ever been 25th centile she comes 50th on height though dont worry to much he is your baby and you know him best you are both still learning about bfing. wind regular it should help!

[BabiesEverywhere]

Can you retry the helplines numbers, they can be busy at times but the NCT has a press 1 if you are desperate...
National Childbirth Trust 0870 444 8708
La Leche League 0845 120 2918
Breastfeeding Network 0844 412 4664
Association for Breastfeeding Mothers 08444 122 949

[StaryNightSky]

Thanks

BEW. Didn't mean to high jack.

[naturopath]

agree with all previous comments.
what weight was he when he was born? Has he stayed on 25th centile or moved up/down arcs?
what have you tried for the colic?
have you tried eliminaating any foods from your own diet?

[BabiesEverywhere]

Health Visitor can suggest all they like but it is up to you if you want to give your baby forumla or not.

Hopefully you can get though to one of the helplines and they can help you decide what is best for your child.

[Miaou]

Just a wee note regarding his position on the centiles. Every range - from bottom to top - is normal. 2nd centile is normal. 98th centile is normal. Your ds being on the 25th centile means nothing unless he was on a far higher one last week! What is not normal/good is if a child suddenly drops through the centiles (eg from 75th to 25th) in a short space of time - however even that doesn't mean that you should top up with formula, just feed more often!!

[mandler]

Just been talking to LLL. Not much help really. He was 7lb 4 when born, dropped to 7ish over first week, was 7lb 11 last week (at 2wks + 3 days). getting him weighed again tomorrow.
He is colicky and has been snacking today and yesterday. He starts to feed a bit better again in the evening and overnight. From 10am to evening though over the past few days I can;t read if he is hungry or just wants to suckle so I can;t say his feeds have been substantial.
I am so confused, why dies this have to feel so difficult?

[BabiesEverywhere]

Bear in mind I am just a mum..

Sounds like your son has regained his birth weight in three weeks, I thought that was a good sign ?

I found it difficult to tell when my DD needed feeding, so I must confess I offered the breast as the first choice every time she cried

[BabiesEverywhere]

three weeks just over two weeks

[fishie]

what did lll ask you about nappies, were they happy with what he's producing? what did they actually say?

[fishie]

mandler everything feels difficult when you're learning how to do it and bf has all sorts of other associated issues. and you've just given birth!

it all settles down quite soon. chuck formula down sink and snuggle down on sofa with ds for the evening.

[mandler]

Nothimg fishie, lll person was really wooly started to tellme the benefits of bf - I bloody know that's why I am so worried I can't do it!

[BabiesEverywhere]

I would really recommend the NCT helpline, helped me loads at the start and recently when I thought I had to hospital and was a blubbering wreak.
National Childbirth Trust 0870 444 8708

Plus Tiktok on here is an NCT BF counsellor and gives wonderful advice...hopefully she'll find your thread.

[BabiesEverywhere]

mandler, I feel I have to correct you here, you have done it !!! You have successfully been breastfeeding your DS for 2 weeks plus Every nursing session has a positive benefit for your DS.

Whatever happens in the future, be proud of how far you have come.

[mandler]

He started being colicky a week ago but has been cyring all day today and yesterday. Hence the snacky feeds today. I will wait until tomorrow's weighing before doing anything drastic. Basically the baby looked hungry to hv so she put 2 and 2 together...and decided I "wasn't producing enough milk"