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Single parent, breast feeding, overnights with dad

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november90 Sun 06-Dec-20 11:52:27

My husband left me early in my pregnant with our second child completely out of the blue.
Our eldest sleeps 2 nights a week at his house, he has minimal contact with our baby due to a number of reason but mainly because of his hours at work and the breast feeding. I offered short bursts of contact since prior to him being born but he only sees him a Couple hours on a weekend day and didn't ask for any alone time with him until he was 3.5 months old.
He's tried to stop me breast feeding from the get to, even saying I was selfish to do so at one point. He has been really emotionally abusive towards me and is extremely hot and cold. He threatened to take the baby off me when he wasborn saying "I may have given birth to him but he put him there".... VOM.
Anyway baby is 6 months now and I've started weaning him. I've been told to breastfeed before feeds and at around 8-10 months his feeds will naturally drop which coincides with what happened with our eldest. I told ex from day 1 that over nights won't happen until baby doesn't need me during the night and doesn't need feeding/comforting. I was just wondering if there are any other single mums out there who have breast fed and been where I am? I'm not taking a Comfort away from him so his dad can have him at his house when he will be screaming out for me. No way. But I know that he will bully and threaten me about this sad

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november90 Sun 06-Dec-20 11:55:16

My eldest naturally weaned during the night at 17 months which was when he had all of his teeth come through.
I just feel really intimidated by his threats and emotional abuse and it's making me question everything sad

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MissSmith80 Sun 06-Dec-20 13:59:17

Hi OP, my parents were very keen to have my little boy overnight at the same age. It didn't happen (still hasn't and he is 19 months now). It was only BF that settled him sometimes (until he self weaned at 13 months). There is no way I could have let him be away from me at night and worried that he wanted me.

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JiltedJohnsJulie Sun 06-Dec-20 16:38:15

So sorry you've been through this. Tell him calmly to apply fir a child arrangements order. I understand that the Court won't sanction overnights fir a BF baby until the baby is 18 months. Just don't tell him that but though, let him find out from the Judge.

The Judge will expect you to have gone through mediation first, but you can be excluded from this if he is being abusive.

Just make sure you keep copies of all of his messages and emails, just in case you need them in the future.