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what would you say to a pregnant friend that said they just dont fancy bf and dont want to try

(58 Posts)
robinredbreast Sat 22-Sep-07 18:28:25

yea one of my friends is pg doesnt like the idea of bf and says she doesnt want to try either
not that sh thinks its gross or weird or anything ,just simply doesent want to do it

prebaby i wouldnt of even thought anything of it as tbh i didnt really know anything about bf
id heard brest is best
but i didnt know why or anything
now i know how benefical bf is
should i try to v gently encourage her ?
or is it best to not really say anything ?

shes 37 weeks 1st baby

moondog Sat 22-Sep-07 18:43:45

Depends on how good a mate she is.
I have a friend like this who said the same thing. I sensed that she wanted a discussion so i talked to her a good bit about it in a non aggressive manner.

She fed her first baby for 5 weeks and her second for about 20 weeks and i know I was instrumental in this (sjhe has told me so) especially as her dh,mother and sister not keen.

barbamama Sat 22-Sep-07 18:46:00

I would say perhaps don't make any firm decisions now as you may feel differently once the baby is born as many people do - but respect her decision either way. A friend of mine was actively disgusted with bf while pg but once the baby was born felt ok with it and ended up bf for 6 months, she said it felt disgusting to her before but perfectly natural once she was holding her baby.

yogimum Sat 22-Sep-07 18:46:57

I wouldn't say anything TBH. Its her choice.

olivo Sat 22-Sep-07 19:22:36

i wouldnt say anything either. before i had dd, the rebellious side of me got fed up with people telling me that bf was the way forward and i began telling people i didnt know if i would, i wasnt bothered. i think my NCT antenatal classes were far too heavy on it for my liking, although the others didnt really seem to think so. in the end, i didnt hesistate to feed dd as soon as i could (she was in SCBU for a while drip fed) and bizarrely enough, fed for 7 months,
longer than the rest of my NCT friends!
i'd let her make up her own mind when the time comes.

determination Sat 22-Sep-07 19:40:50

Robin,

You know what... you would likely just be getting yourself more frustrated thinking about it or trying to discuss it with her. Within the last year 2 of my friends have had kids and neither of them BF or tried. I was completely shock as they know how passionately i feel about it.. i just assumed that they would have been desperate to try it to see what they thought.

I have not mentioned anything directly but sometimes when they say about the time spent getting the bag ready to go out etc.. well i just dont have that problem. OR when they are trying to find somewhere to heat a bottle - again i dont have that problem. My life is ssssooooo much easier in comparison.

multitasker Sat 22-Sep-07 19:45:39

Why do you feel you should get involved - surely it is her baby, her body and therefore her choice.

ScottishMummy Sat 22-Sep-07 19:56:24

as a friend, your role imo is to support not preach.up to her, as unsavoury as u find it

kitsandbits Sat 22-Sep-07 19:57:26

NOTHING.

Its her choice, leave her to it.

vole3 Sat 22-Sep-07 20:04:31

Depends on her reasons.
My friend is due in 4 weeks and will give it a go, is planning on mixed feeding at first but doesn't plan to go beyond 6 - 8 weeks because:-
1) Wants DH to feel involved and share some of the night feeds
2) Wants her mum to be able to bond with baby by feeding it
3) Doesn't fancy the idea of expressing as she has visions of milking parlours and thinks it is a bit like 'Animal Farm' in reverse.
4) Is thinking that it would be difficult to organise things when she goes back to work so may as well be on formula by then anyway. Another mutual friend has just gone back to work after exclusively BF dd for the last 6 months and is having to dash off at every break as she won't take a bottle of EBM.

I have given her my take on things and fed ds whilst we were together, but it is her choice. I have said she should make sure she gets as much help as she needs to get established, so if things go well she may change her mind, but that is up to her.

jojosmaman Sat 22-Sep-07 20:19:20

Difficult one.

A girl in my NCT was very anti-bf and the rest of the class were pretty much of the belief that they would give it a go. As the classes progressed it became clear from what she was saying that her main reasons for not bf'ing was that her mum had told her not to bother or the baby won't sleep in the night and it messes up your routine, taking you longer to get back on your feet. To be fair to her, if up until 34 weeks this is all you had been told (and she was just 21 so didnt have any peers with babies at the time) you would trust your mum wouldnt you? Nobody tried to dissuade her although the classes were obviously pro-bf but not aggresively so and she went straight to the bottle with her DS.

Anyway, point to my story is that now, seven months later she has watched (not literally!) others in the group happily breast feeding their babies and has said on a few occasions that she wishes she had at least tried it now. So i wonder if anyone in the group had spoken with her before whether she would have given it a go?

Loopymumsy Sat 22-Sep-07 20:31:09

Message withdrawn

Kanga44 Sat 22-Sep-07 20:45:43

You might find that once baby is born and there is that 'bond' and maybe midwife says do you want to try feeding baby yourself.....she may give it a go but I wouldnt push her as it will only make the matter worse.

My sister and I were both pushed and were both unsuccessful (doesnt work perfectly for everyone!) so it made it very soul destroying at failing at it after it being drummed in! (this was by our midwife btw)

MamaMaiasaura Sat 22-Sep-07 20:59:18

I wouldnt say anything. From your post you said you didnt have any exp yourself either so pretty diff for you to mention your experiences/share stories of preg and broach subject.

It is her choice at the end of the day imo.

lissielou Sat 22-Sep-07 21:00:38

i would just support her decision. breast IS best. but formula is ok.
her body. her baby. her choice.

tho maybe point into mn's direction wink

3andnomore Sat 22-Sep-07 21:06:08

All you can do, imo, is to try to find out why she doesn't want too, and find out if she knows why it might be so important...and well, also mention that she could always try it and just not continoue if it isn't for her....because she doesn't knwo how she will feel when the BAby is there...because it's easier to switch to the bottle then from bottle to breast...

belgo Sat 22-Sep-07 21:07:08

I wouldn't say anything. I respect my friends enough to let them make their own decisions.

startouchedtrinity Sat 22-Sep-07 21:07:10

I wouldn't say anything either. She must have been living on another planet not to have seen the 'breast is best' messages out there and if she still doesn't fancy it that is up to her. It's true, she might regret it later but that is life.

Guitargirl Sat 22-Sep-07 21:12:31

I wouldn't say anything, her baby, her choice.

A girl at work who I don't really know very well has just left for her maternity leave at the same time I returned to work from mine. I asked her if she had everything ready for the baby yet and she replied that she still needs to get bottles and a steriliser as she's planning on bottle feeding. Something about the way she said it gave me the impression that she was expecting me to say something as she knows that I am still bf DD. But I really don't know her very well and it's absolutely none of my business how she feeds her baby. On the converse side my DD is now nearly 9 months and I am starting to get pressure from a few people about when I am going to stop bf. It's just the same - my baby, my choice.

MamaMaiasaura Sat 22-Sep-07 21:16:00

Guitargirl - know what you mean. Ihad that when bf ds. Managed to keep it going for 12 months but then stopped. Not through choice either but for other reasons.

Expecting ds2 and am much more confident about bf.

3andnomore Sat 22-Sep-07 21:26:45

I can actually NOT understand why people, if they do believe that bf is the way to go, would not actually even try to talk, not push, not pressurize...and if people think teh breat is best message has come through...no it hasn't people still do believe that formula is almost as good and that it really doesn't matter...and that is why it is important...because a breast is bsest message really doesn't do anything...

babyblue2 Sat 22-Sep-07 21:29:59

I wouldn't say anything, its a mother's choice.

MamaMaiasaura Sat 22-Sep-07 21:32:45

Another reason I wouldnt say anything (and I am a firm believer that breast is best) is that from the OP it appears she has considered how she wants to feed her baby. It isnt as if expantant mums arent talked to about bf or that there isnt plenty of media attention around this subject area.

3andnomore Sat 22-Sep-07 21:43:43

sorry awen, but honestly, media pro breastfeeding is not enough, honestly there are many many many people about that really think it's just another choice of what milk to feed...

Guitargirl Sat 22-Sep-07 21:47:38

Awen - I am planning on bf until DD is at least 12 months too, well, ideally until she self-weans as am sure that will be the most stress-free way to stop! I just get a bit cross when people think they have a right to have a say in how I feed my baby. I guess that's the main reason why I would never say anything to a mother who plans to ff.

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