I know this has been done before, but need it for me, remind me why I'm still bfing...

[bumperlicious]

I do want to carry on, I don't want to give her formula, I know bfing is easier than having to make up bottles, but I'm losing the will.

It's just so hard, my nipple is bleeding, I expressed 3 oz this morning before realising it was mixed with blood, so bang goes my early night with dh giving ebm (I know I could have given it to her, but couldn't bring myself to). I have had 3 days of refusal for about 20mins before most feeds. I never know what the right thing is to do, whether she is getting enough, why she sometimes won't feed properly. It just seems to be one challenge after another. Plus it makes me starving and feel a bit "out of sorts". And it makes me feel anxious when I go out without her, in case she gets hungry before expected or I can't get back on time. Plus, even if DD sleeps late I wake up early with engorged boobs.

I really do want to carry on, though I don't particular enjoy it. I want to be a breast feeder, I want DD (13 weeks btw) to be exclusively breast fed, I don't want to have to cart bottles around everywhere.

I guess I just need some indulgence and a reminder of all the good things I am doing, and some solutions for how to make things easier. Right now I can only think of the negative points.

[notnowbernard]

Well done for getting to 13 weeks under (what sound like) really difficult circumstances... yo could have given up, but you haven't... I wonder what's kept you going?

[bumperlicious]

I'm too lazy to make bottles that and to spite my anti-bf mother!

[berolina]

You are doing fabulously. 13 weeks! We struggled for 4 weeks and that was tough enough. But it will, will, will get better eventually.

Refusal... IME sticking with it and riding it out helps eventually (we had a good 3 weeks of it), but it's horrid, isn't it?

[EmsMum]

Its good for her immune system so you're that bit less likely to have a poorly baby and its good for reducing liklihood of allergies . Thats a couple, others will have more...

[chankins]

Well I don't see what is wrong with giving your baby some formula on occassion if it makes life easier for you ! I'm still bf my 19 week old ds, and I started giving expressed bottles at 2 weeks so he would quickly get used to a bottle, (a smy first dd hated them). This was great because once I'd gone through hassle of expressing I could then let dh feed him while I had a bath, popped out, played with the other two dc, or whatever. I started giving him formula at thirteen weeks as we had an all day wedding to go to (no kids) and I knew I couldn't express that much milk. Now he has two 5oz bottles of formula, one morning and one before bed, and TBH this has encouraged me to continue bf longer than I did with the first 2. I want to make it to 6 months, and feel I cn easily do this as he has the formula too. Bf is different for everyone, all babies are different, everyones experienes and homelives are different, so plese don't beat yourself up and force yourselfto exclusively bf if its making you so miserable. Thats just my opinion, and like I say, it has worked well for us, he gets plenty of bfeeds, plus I get a bit of freedom etc. I wish I done it with the first two, I gave up bf when it all got too hard, but wish I'd mixed fed for longer, because once you give up bf you can't go back and I did regret it. Sorry - bit long!

[notnowbernard]

I always admire people that keep going despite the real hurdles. Not sure I would manage to do the same, tbh... especially with a first baby.

Think you're doing great, you obviously know all the benefits etc etc.

Hope someone is able to offer you some practical advice soon

[bumperlicious]

Chankins, I know what you mean, but it's not usually this bad. DD sleeps 7 or so hours most nights which means my boobs are really full and I can express at least 1 feed a day. But the feeding has gone tits up so to speak the last few days, and what with the bloody milk, plus I got an expressed feed out of the freezer and I wasn't until it had defrosted that I realised it had a hole so I just feel like I haven't had a break in a while, but normally I do.

I'm just looking for some attention to make me feel better

[bumperlicious]

Yeah, that's the other thing, I feel really loathe to pay for something that I produce for free!

[chankins]

Same here - when I bought the first box of formula because of this bloody wedding we had to go to I said to my mum, how stupid does this seem, paying for something which I make myself for free ? You obviously do enjoy bf and all its benefits, but have had a bad few days. We've all been there and felt like giving up - and I did with my first at 10 weeks. At the time I felt chuffed I'd done that long! But now with the third it is all second nature and so much easier. I do enjoy it more than before. So stick with it - but only if you want to ! I get annoyed with an overly pro-bf attitude that makes mums feel bad for formula feeding, or mixed feeding. we all do what we need to do ! Sorry again -rambling tonight - I blame the wine ....

[bookthief]

bumperlicious you are doing brilliantly. Sadly for some of us it does take a long time for everything to click and as the weeks go by and it still isn't straightforward it's natural to think "why am I doing this?".

For me, it took 16 weeks for bf to really pay off and to clearly for me to be better than ff - obviously ds was benefitting all this time.

I suppose all I can say to you is that things can still get better. I had gritted my teeth and assumed that I was just going to have to face up to not enjoying bf and look forward to 6 months when I could give up. It was a lovely surprise to find out that was not the case.

[bumperlicious]

I've heard other people say 4 months bookthief. That's positive and just what I need to hear really. It's been a bad week too, so probably not the best time to make a decision I might regret!

[pampam]

hi, just wanted to say well done for feeding for as long as you have. I reckon it took about 5 months before I felt like bfing was actually natural/enjoyable. I don't know if it helps but if you can keep going for a few more weeks it will get easier, your baby will be able to last longer between feeds and you'll feel less "chained" to the house and start to be able to go out for a bit longer without getting so worried. I'm still feeding dd1 at 16months and i'm so glad i didn't give up in the early days when my nipples were bleeding and my c section scar was so painful.
If you can, get dh/dp/your mum to give you a bit of time off over the weekend, maybe they could take DD out for a walk while you have a bath/do your nails/read a book/have an extra bit of sleep. a bit of a break can do you the world of good.

You've been brilliant so far, you're halfway to 6 months of breastfeeding which is an amazing achievement and it's downhill from here I promise!

[bumperlicious]

Thanks pampam, I hope you mean downhill in a positve way!

[pampam]

yes you've nearly reached the top of the breastfeeding mountain....go girl go!

[hunkermunker]

Hey, Bumper - good work getting to 13 weeks! You say your mum's anti-bf - that makes it all the more of an achievement to be a bfer yourself!

[yelnats]

I gave up in the very early days with dd1 - lasted a whole 3 days. With dd2 I was determined to give it a better shot, the first good few weeks were hard, I was giving up every other day, then I would just come on here, read a couple of threads on breastfeeding and decide to stick at it as it would get easier. 7 months on and were still going strong. Now my only problem is that I think its time to stop (dd refuses my right boob for some reason and I am fed up going out with one boob bigger than the other all the time) and Im too lazy to make up a bottle and fight with her to take it!

It will get easier and believe it or not it does become enjoyable. There was a really good thread on here that made me realise that I did actually enjoy bfing - I'll try and find it for you.

[PippiLangstrump]

I know the midwives will kill me but please put some cream on your nipples and it will much much easier. I had them bleeding and was so painful, I refused to put anything on as HV said. Then friend sent me a miracolous cream specially made from a pharmacist in italy (looks like wax). well... it was bliss!

[moondog]

Bumper,you are and have been doing fabulously.
You are doing it because your baby deserves the best and you want to give her the best.

Have you tried Lansinoh?

I found a nipple shield gave good temporary relief form sore nipples.

I would even have given the EBM with the blood in it. It would still be a million times better for her than formula.

It can be tought but I promise,you are on the verge of looking over the summit and thereafter it's easy!!

Good for you!

[ib]

Just to encourage you a bit.....I had a really tough time of it until about 4 months, and just today I was telling dh that I love bfing our 9mo ds....

never thought I would say that!

[daisyandbabybootoo]

bumper....you're doing brilliantly, and IIRC from the PN thread, your DD was about the same weight as mine last time you'd had her weighed, so I don't think you need to worry about her weight (was that this thread or the PN one you were worrying about her weight?...sorry too tired and spaced out tonight)

Have you had that babymoon yet? Take to your bed for the day woman and have lots of lovely skin to skin cuddles and get DH in there as well so he doesn't feel left out. It will come good again.

I hope you have a good day tomorrow, and you know you can call me if you need to talk.

Take care

Jxx

[hunkermunker]

Oh, yes, try Lansinoh.

[yelnats]

great thread

[determination]

bumper, come on you know you can do it, right?

You are giving your baby the most precious thing in the world... her mummy's milk. This is like liquid gold and is storing/preparing her with everything she need for her life! Also, in the mean time you are protecting yourself from nasty cancers and decreasing the chance of osteoperosis.

Also,
*reducing the time you spend each day in the kitchen.

• taking pride in every inch/oz that you see your dd grow/gain, purely as a result of your special milk. Nature is a wonderful thing
  
  Please, please, please.. get yourself a pair of Silverette they will completely heal your nipples within 48 hours or so and you will NEVER experience nipple pain again. They are fantastic definately a must have bfing product in my eyes.
  
  Just another few weeks and you will be past all this and it will be plain sailing. It gets so much easier and so much more enjoyable. You can and will do this, hang in there, we are all here to support you

[AnybodyHomeMcFly]

A HV once told me (yes, there are some good ones out there!) to carry on because it would be a shame to put in all this good work and not get to the point where it all clicks and becomes fun. It took me to about 15 weeks and then it did gradually become easier until one day I realised I was enjoying every feed.
I know it's hard to believe it will happen when you are in pain and dreading the feeds but keep the faith and you will get there.
Now DS is 8mo and weaning and I have cut the feeds down but the BF first thing in the morning and last thing before his bedtime are so lovely. And esp with the morning one, it's soo much easier than having to get up and faff with bottles etc.

Big hugs