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Trying to stop BF. Last night DS (2) was hysterical. I'm supposed to be going away for a night without him. AM I NUTS??

(25 Posts)
purplemonkeydishwasher Fri 21-Sep-07 10:50:28

I swear that there is crack in my milk. This kid is addicted. He doesn't have anything all day (from 7am until about 7pm) I give him a feed then take him up to bed. When he wakes up (which he inevitable does) he goes MENTAL for a feed. Last night he screamed for an hour and made himslef sick. Keep in mind that this is while DH and I are right there. holidng him, singing to him, talking to him, cuddling him. Eventually I had to give in (i know, i know) because DH is up at 5am for work.

DH and I are going away for the night next week and leaving DS with my parents (who are here on holiday so he'll be in familair surroundings etc). Will he be ok? Will he just scream all night?
How the HELL do I get him off the boob through the night without hysterics every night??

I feel like such a failure today.

moopymoo Fri 21-Sep-07 10:54:12

you not a failure. this is hard. my 2 were boob addicts too. its perfectly possible that he will be an angel for grandparents as he will know you are not there, then still want feeding when you reappear. or he might not....<<whispers ds1 was 3 1/2 before he stopped doing this, very common.>>

LizaRose Fri 21-Sep-07 10:54:16

Might help to know my DS would scream for a bf at this age if I was around- but if he was with DH or a babysitter was quite willing to accept it was not an option. Maybe if you got out of the way and let DH deal with it he would settle?

popsycal Fri 21-Sep-07 10:56:22

purple monkey

my ds2 is 2.5 and is adicted....
however, My parents in law have had him a few times over night and also for a weekend. He never asked once for a feed and slept better than he normally does. I was terrified that he would be heart broken but he wasn't.

When I am not there, he doesn't even think about milk!


popsycal Fri 21-Sep-07 10:57:56

That said, we have the screaming for a feed during the night at the moment and I keep threatening to Get It Sorted. I am also at the stage now where I think I would like to stop feeding ds2 - but can't see how it would happen very easily....

purplemonkeydishwasher Fri 21-Sep-07 11:00:40

Liza - he won't settle for DH. AT. ALL.
Drives us both nuts but we don't know what to do. Saying that, I'm always in the house so maybe he knows that? I'm going out with my parents a couple nights after i get back from London. We'll be home late so DH will have to get him to bed. Maybe it;ll be ok if I'm not there ??

I'm really wishing I had cut him off a year ago!!

Brangelina Fri 21-Sep-07 11:04:26

I would wait until you aren't around and not push it when you are, I find it's always much worse refusing the breast than it simply not being there. I occasionally have to travel for a night or 2 and DD (2.2) has always survived with the minimum of fuss. It's usually better when she's in a non home environment, like at my sister's or my mother's, when at home with DP she still tends to make a bit of a fuss, so maybe there's a distraction element that helps too.

I've got a week long trip coming up soon, which will probably spell the end of bfeedingsad, but I'm not going to refuse her any bfeeds beforehand as I believe it would be traumatic and couterproductive, not least for mesmile.

startouchedtrinity Fri 21-Sep-07 11:06:17

purplemonkey, I had this with dd2. In the end I just cold turkeyed it - I was 20 wks pg with ds and exhausted. It took a week of screaming but eventually she did stop looking for a feed. I don't think it's the milk so much as the sucking to sleep that is the thing. After we stopped bf dd2 was still difficult to get to sleep and in the end I had to do rapid return with her, which worked very quickly and she now adores her little bed and doesn't need anyone there to go to sleep.

Something else you might notice is that if ds gets milk at night he doesn't eat so much by day. This certainly happened withdd2 and she ended up anaemic. sad In retrospect I wish I'd been ruthless over the night feeds a lot earlier.

popsycal Fri 21-Sep-07 11:06:22

purple monkey - ds2 wont settle for dh either if he knows i am there.
he will happily settle for him if he knows i am not in or if he is with dh at PILs house.

Notquitegrownup Fri 21-Sep-07 11:15:43

Totally agree with the others. I had two addicts too, neither of them would settle for dh, it had to be me and milk, milk, milk overnight. <I fed them both until 3+, too>

However, both were fine when I was away from them. Have to admit it wasn't overnight, but only cause we didn't have grandparents who would. However, like yours they would happily go 12 hrs during the day without a feed, if distracted and happily playing. He will very probably be absolutely fine.

Keep on doing what suits you - and ask your parents to text you whilst you are away to let you know how you are going, so that you can relax and enjoy yourself!! You don't want to waste a precious night away by worrying about what is going on at home.

Best of luck

purplemonkeydishwasher Fri 21-Sep-07 19:11:04

thank you all for your replies. I know deep down that he will be fine without me. <crosses fingers>

and yes, we're going to have to go cold turkey after mom and dad leave. but, that's another thread. i'll see you there in a couple weeks!

lemonaid Fri 21-Sep-07 19:16:02

DS is very... umm... definite about wanting to bf if I'm around, but he does just fine without, with no fuss, if I'm out or if he's staying with MIL/SIL.

purplemonkeydishwasher Fri 21-Sep-07 21:59:58


No feeds since 6:30am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND he's been asleep in bed since 8:30!!!!!!

popsycal Fri 21-Sep-07 22:17:02

well done you
ds2 had a short feed at bedtime....he has taken to asking for a feed in the day if we are at home.....didn't happen today
I keep hoping he will self wean soon as the trauma of stopping seems horrific

chipmonkey Fri 21-Sep-07 22:33:54

Well done purple! I did leave ds3 to go away on a course when he was just over 2. I rang dh at 11pm who said that he was still standing up crying in the cot. I told dh to give him a sippy cup of milk ( why didn't he think of that himself?hmm) and called back half an hour later. It had done the trick, dh said ds3 knew it wasn't the same as Mammy but seemed to appreciate the gesture! He gave him a cup of milk on waking the next morning when he would usually wake up for a bf but this was refused with a sad "No!" the following morning. When I got back it was as if I had never left though!

BracingAir Mon 24-Sep-07 21:51:41

can i actually go away overnight? dh and i desperate for a weekend away. I envisioned my milk drying up and ds (2) going mental. We were waiting teill he weans himself.

OH MY GOSH...can we actually go away now?

....hijack over....sorry!

purplemonkeydishwasher Mon 24-Sep-07 21:56:26

i don't think my milk will dry up. I'm hoping that it will!! wink
we're going 15hours now without a feed! now if i can only get him to go more than a couple of hours over night!!!!

lemonaid Mon 24-Sep-07 21:58:56

Oh, Lord, yes, BracingAir. DS is 2 and I've been away with work for a week at a time a few times and he's stayed with MIL for several long weekends. No milk drying up, no mentalness (mentality?).

BracingAir Mon 24-Sep-07 22:00:56

oh, you are all my best friends!

But when ds sucks when i am 'low' on milk, its much more uncomfortable than when I am really 'full' iykswim?

purplemonkeydishwasher Mon 24-Sep-07 22:02:20

oh yeah. i get that. lately i un-latch (de-latch? get him off me tit...) him rather quickly because that feeling drives me NUTS.

lemonaid Mon 24-Sep-07 22:02:57

purple - We got DS to quit overnight by (following advice on here) having DH handle him for a week. DH would give him a cuddle, tell him that it was time for sleeping and Mummy was asleep, and ride out the ensuing fuss (not leaving DS on his own, DH was right there with him). The first night was a bit of a nightmare, but it got a lot better very quickly and after three nights he'd got the hang of it.

Mind you, that was when he was nearly 2 (he'd started sleeping through the night at about 12 months, but then had started waking and wanting feeds when he got to 20 months or so).

mandymac Mon 24-Sep-07 22:04:29

For Bracing Air - Just wanted to say that I am still breastfeeding DD 2.3 morning and evening and went away in May for 6 nights with work. DD had cows milk in a cup morning and evening while I was away and I took my avent pump and expressed a few ounces each morning. Fed a bit more often when I got back and supply seemed to recover fine. I often miss a morning or evening feed (maybe once a week), with no problems and I have to go away again for a week soon and am planning to express whilst away again.
So yes Bracing Air - I reckon your supply will be fine if you go away for a weekend - go for it! grin

BracingAir Mon 24-Sep-07 22:09:41

thank you all!

but just picture the romantic evening....with a breast pump blush

purplemonkeydishwasher Mon 24-Sep-07 22:17:32

oh and BTW - DS just fell asleep on my mom. He kept asking for 'Guppa' i kept saying no so he went over to her and fell asleep.


BracingAir Mon 24-Sep-07 22:34:34

good for you!

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