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Unsuccessful at BF twice now...Does anyone else think they are just crap at BF? (long story)

(10 Posts)
Elsbells Fri 31-Aug-07 17:07:03

I have been unsuccessful yet again at BF.

DS wad born 2 yrs ago. We had lots of medical issues, and he refused to feed. I had NO support, the hospital syringed him formula withOUT my consent and the visiting community midwife actually told me to "just put him on the bottle" angry (I really wish I had complained about her!)

After expressing for the 1st 4 days, and paying a private lactation consultant to get him to feed we BF but not very well. I had thrush 3times and found myself supplementing and stopped at 4 months.

Then I had DD who is now 12 weeks. I was so excited as I thought I had learnt so much from the last experience. I BF from birth but then the problems started. She fed for over an hour each time from birth (no one told me about comfort sucking) and had an undetected tongue tie (just fixed at 8 weeks - still can't get nipple to right place, latch good and all positions tried!). Fast forward a few days later and I had the worst bleeding cracked nipples and then mastitis.

I stopped at 10 days but was devasted and tried to re-lactate at 13 days and we never really got the milk back up to her needs.

We have been mix feeding using shields but it really is starting to interfere with supply and have decided 3 months will mark the end (especially as she seems to get more formula from lunch onwards anyway).

I thought 2nd time round was supposed to be easier.
I am absolutley gutted that it didn't work AGAIN. I know longer cry about it and I am sure I will get over it (like I did with DS) but I am sad. And I hate having to explain myself when I whip out the bottle. I seem to live in an area where EVERYONE can BF and people only bat an eyelid when you use a bottle.

I am also so envious when I see someone BF. I long for it in strange way.

Am I just not meant to BF? Does anyone else know what I mean?

Guess I am using this post as a therapy session. sad

domesticgrumpess Fri 31-Aug-07 17:53:10

Message withdrawn

tiktok Fri 31-Aug-07 18:00:07

Aw, Els......I am so for you. People differ massively in how easy they find bf, and how physically possible/impossible it is to get over a gap of a couple of days....most people who stopped at 10 days would have bounced back at 13 days but in your case, it was another blow when you were already fending off blows from pain and bleeding The tongue tie won't have helped one bit.

It's understandable to be sad. You planned something, and it was something important, and it didn't work out. This was gonna be a part of your relationship with dd....howver you feed your baby, it's always more than just a way of getting milk into her. You know the essentials are that she is loved, fed, and thriving, but that doesn't prevent the other feelings

Next time, if there is one, things might be different. I hope so.

CarGirl Fri 31-Aug-07 18:04:25

my dc2 (but first to bf) was tongue tie and not sorted until she was 2-3 weeks old, she never ever ever latched on 100% properly (even after cranial osteopath treatment too) the one time I took her off and tried to put her back on etc she refused to feed at all for 12 hours (just a bit stubborn) she gave me square/wedged nipples, it always hurt a bit.

Sorry you had such a bad time and be at least happy you did bf at the beginning and she did get all that early milk.

dc1 was formula fed from birth and tbh she's the one with the very high IQ, best social skills, very early talker etc etc etc

robinredbreast Fri 31-Aug-07 18:31:12

be happy and proud of what you have achieved
all that colostrum
well done
do not be too hard on yourself
remember you carried d baby for 9 months then gave birth to your baby girl

i know it maybe hard feeling sad over not bf and you know you tried your hardest,thats all anyone can do in any aspect of life
but most important thing is to love and enjoy your dd

welldone smile

littlerach Fri 31-Aug-07 18:33:31

Yep, I was crap at bfing, so crap I never really manged it.
Despite having lamost a whole day with a mw after having dd2, it just never happened.
Dd1 was prem and it never happened, but had no real help with her.
At leats you managed soem htoguh. That is great.

VeniVidiVickiQV Fri 31-Aug-07 18:44:31

Some babies dont quite get the hang of it either, occasionally.

I think you have done fantastically. You have tried and persevered, and tried some more. That is all you can ask of yourself Eles.

My first was easy. DS though, literally sent me around the twist with b/feeding issues.

Who knows - with no 3, you may crack it and when they are at 4 yrs old be thinking "How on earth am I going to get this one to stop b/feeding"?

Anyway 3 months in such adverse circumstances such as yours is amazing - dont underestimate it.

pinkdolly Fri 31-Aug-07 19:53:10


sorry to hear that your'e not having a good time at the moment.

i had an awful time trying to feed dd1 and 2 for different reasons. but dd3 is nearly 14 months and is still breastfed.

people tell you that it's the most natural thing in the world, and for some people i believe it is. but not everyone. certainly for me, my first 2 attempts were awful. lasting just 3 months with dd1 nad only 4 weeks with dd2. however, with dd3 it has come very natural. and i belive that has a lot to do with her.

you have done a tremendous job so far, dont feel down about the wonderful start you have given your lo.

i agree with tiktok, the next one might be different. dont let thee bad experiences put you off.

hope you feel better soon.

Elsbells Fri 31-Aug-07 20:21:31

Well I am glad she has gotten some of 'my milk' but like I said, it is so hard to get over not being good at it a second time.

But god, did I try. I am talking hiring a double pump, setting my alarm at crazy times in the night to express and spending a fortune on domperidone and herbal tinctures. Not to mention eating oatabix like it was going out of fashion. And the countless cabs to and from breastfeeding groups.

Pinkdolly - you have given me hope...guess if there is a 3rd DC I can't assume it will go all wrong and not even try. grin

MadMazza Fri 31-Aug-07 20:31:31

I tried twice with both my DS's(now 2 and 6). I took all the advice, had nipple shields both times because of cracking and although I allowed them both to feed on demand, my milk supply was just never enough. I managed 3 weeks with the first and only one week with the second. I felt a failure both times because many of my friends managed it no problem. I have just had to accept it wasn't to be. Now both boys are gorgeous, happy and (IMO)very bright so I have accepted that BF is not the be all and end all and I am content with myself - I hope this helps Elsbells and that you will feel the same in time.

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