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I need support as I stop BF

(11 Posts)
artichokes Wed 29-Aug-07 10:45:49

I have posted before about my conflicted feelings towards giving up BF. DD is nearly 13 months and we have had a very enjoyable BF relationship. However, it is time to stop. There are many reasons. I have just had mastitis for the first time, I am off on a business trip for a week in 18 days time, I am getting increasingly busy at work, I cannot express, I need my body back for a while before the next baby comes along... All good reasons and I know it is the right thing to do. However I am finding the process of refusing the breast horrible and I just want some encouragement.

We are nearly down to two feeds a day now and next week I will cut one of those (I say nearly because I am sort of kidding myself, most days I cave in and let her have a short third feed).

However it is so hard. When I am around DD refuses other milk and gets upset rooting for the breast. Her dad is off work at the moment so I am ending up leaving her with him a lot as she gets less upset when I am not there. I feel horrible and tonight, for the first time ever, I will not go home to put her to bed sad.

I am scared of hurting DD and damaging our relationship but I know I have to do this. I am not sure whey I a posting really but if anyone has been through this and wants to offer support it would be gratefully received.

RGPargy Wed 29-Aug-07 10:52:51

No advice i'm afraid, but just wanted to show support. I'm sure DD will be just fine and you are not damaging her!

At the end of the day, you have to do what you feel is best for both of you.

Good luck!

peanutbear Wed 29-Aug-07 10:53:20

You wont damage your relationship mine all stopped around this time it is easier having someone else put them to bed and trying to find something to get them to sleep is a nightmare for a few days

I was really upset when dc3 stopped I wanted it to but didnt really
She will be fine and love you just as much

mears Wed 29-Aug-07 10:54:32

Haven't been through this myself (mine all self weaned), but my sister did.

She felt awful when her DD2 tugged at her buttons looking for a feed. She had to keep determioned and not give in. When she was looking for a feed she distracted her onto something else. TBH honest this phase did not last long - it was amazing how quickly her DD moved on. There was no long lasting detrimental effect - it is amazing how quickly babies can move on from their deep close relationship with your breasts when you think they never will smile

Good plan to leave her with her Dad. Some mums here have talked about the 'don't offer but don't deny' approach. My sister didn't want to do that as she wanted to stop and felt that would drag it out.

However it can work and maybe that is a way to try first. Hopefully those with experience will be along soon.

artichokes Wed 29-Aug-07 11:21:36

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I have been doing "don't offer but don't deny" for a while. However DD is boob obsessed so not offering doesn't really cut down on the number of feeds.

aquababe Wed 29-Aug-07 11:45:47

I stopped at 13 months and got my dh to start giving her a bottle at bedtime but was going to leave her morning feed alone
she loved the bottle feeds so much she wasn't really interested in my feed in the morning.
I'd really tortured myself about giving up I had always hoped it would be her decision but I wanted my boobs & freedom back. Seeing how much she enjoyed her cows milk bottle really helped.(she'd refused all types of ff when I'd tested them before)

Please don't feel bad about stopping focus on how well you've done to get this far.

witchandchips Wed 29-Aug-07 12:01:55

she will be fine, its a habit (almost like being addicted !) at this age so key is to fine things to distract or change the routine slightly so lack of feeds are not noticed.

artichokes Wed 29-Aug-07 13:32:00

I seriously don't know what wrong with me at the moment. I am on an emotional rollercoaster over this and I am normally a very steady person. All morning I have felt quite positive about stopping BF. I read you responses and persuaded myself DD will come to no harm and I even organised some evening activities for the next few days so that DH can put DD to bed.

Then I started thinking about refusing her the breast. And I thought about how Freud (who I have never agreed with) thought the relationship with the breast was an important psychological cornerstone... And now I am at my desk in tears at the thought of refusing DD and then leaving her for a week for business.

Could it be hormones making me volatile? Do they change as you start to drop feeds? Or am I just going insane?

witchandchips Wed 29-Aug-07 13:38:23

sad oh artichoke i was a complete mess when i started to drop those last feeds. spent 20 minutes each day howling and throwing pillows against the wall. Think it is the hormones and perhpas us coming to terms with our babies growing up iyswim. It does get better.

as they grow up they start comunicating and showing you how much they love you in different ways rather than the snuggle at feeding times. Ds (2.5) said the other night "i love you mummy so much, so so much". Hearing this was much more of a bonding experience than a breast feed. your dd will do the same

mears Wed 29-Aug-07 21:52:50

artichokes - why not leave things alone and see what happens after your business trip? It is possible for you to carry on feeding as you are until you leave. Then you aren't denying her anything and your boobs will cope. She may not be interested when you come back.

mears Wed 29-Aug-07 21:59:13

Had to leave for a minute there.

A friend of mine (and mumsnetter) left her DS3 at about this age for a week and worried about feeds. She actually didn't want to stop feeding and was pleased that he actually resumed when she got back. She did not have any problems with engorgement when she was away either.

That could be the solution for you.

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