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Breastfeeding when inconvenient for DH

(150 Posts)
Runawayandsaveyourlife Thu 25-Apr-19 10:29:59

DH has always been pro breastfeeding.
But now that DC is 11 months old and I am back at work, he appears to see it as a big inconvenience.
For example, I can't express much and so I collect DC from nursery at around 4pm on work days so that I can feed her. DH is a teacher and DC goes to nursery term time only so he is taking care of her this week. He has planned some big days out with his parents and DCs. I've requested they come back for 3.30pm so that I can breastfeed her (she is going without breastmilk all day aside from her morning feed) and he is in a big sulk about having to come home "early." It makes me feel like I'm ruining their fun, but
A) I worry that she won't have had enough fluids and will need to feed.
B) I don't want to get too full.

I just need to vent really. It's all so convenient when he's not having to fork out on formula and not having to do the feeds, but being back in time for her feed isn't convenient for him. We can't give formula as a back-up, one off feed either as she is CMPA.

Mrsjayy Thu 25-Apr-19 10:36:02

I can see his point she could have her feed when she gets back , what does she drink at nursery ? I am sure she will be ok till the evening

Mrsjayy Thu 25-Apr-19 10:37:13

Who decided she needed milk at 4?

Aridane Thu 25-Apr-19 10:37:42

I see his point too

MustardScreams Thu 25-Apr-19 10:37:42

Can she not have water whilst out? At 11 months she doesn’t really need the feed. You can express if you’re uncomfortable. I can see your husbands point if he’s got days put planned and having to be back at 3:30 is kind of pointless.

Teddybear45 Thu 25-Apr-19 10:39:07

Honestly from your post she’s probably ready to come off the breast. If she’s not having anything but a morning feed anyway, and doesn’t miss it at nursery, this seems to be more about you than her.

thelastgoldeneagle Thu 25-Apr-19 10:40:14

I can see his point...

What does she drink all day when she's not with you? She must have something. Are there no formulas suitable for babies with CMPA?

BertrandRussell Thu 25-Apr-19 10:40:33

I’m afraid I see his point too at 11 months and I was a long term breastfeeder.. What does she drink at nursery?

TinyTear Thu 25-Apr-19 10:42:53

At 11 months you can hand express a bit for comfort and then feed when they come back.

Mine at that age were getting water and formula in a beaker as they didn't want bottles, they were breastfed morning, and at 6pm when we got home from work... and bedtime and night...

TinyTear Thu 25-Apr-19 10:43:13

And i fed mine until 3y and 4y...

EvilDog Thu 25-Apr-19 10:44:07

I’m with your dh. As long as she has food and water it’s not a case of her starving.
By 11 months my ds was only bf morning and before bed - not saying that ‘everyone should do the same as me’ but it wouldn’t hurt on the few days your dh wants to take your dd out for her to feed later than usual.

Hollowvictory Thu 25-Apr-19 10:44:39

It's a pain to come back at 3.30pm just for her to have a drink. Can he not take expressed milk out with him and she can have it in a beaker? Or she could have water and have the milk when she gets back?

GMtoBe Thu 25-Apr-19 10:44:57

She would probably be fine a bit later with water and solid food. If you find pimping difficult then you might find hand expressing to make yourself comfortable a bit easier. I totally get how you feel but you'll both be fine for a bit longer. Also don't listen to anyone telling you that feeding her is more about you than her, that's absolutely not true. You can't force a child to breastfeed! You're doing a brilliant job.

GMtoBe Thu 25-Apr-19 10:45:29

Pumping not pimping! blush

SoHotADragonRetired Thu 25-Apr-19 10:45:46

Just express off for comfort and she can have water and food while she's gone. She does not need to come back early for a feed at that age. And I say this as someone who is currently feeding a 14mo and fed my older child to nearly 3.

Phillipa12 Thu 25-Apr-19 10:46:43

My ds with cmpa had a mix of breast/oat milk or nutrimigen (prescribed) at 11 months old. Im afraid im with your dh, she will be fine with a snack at 4pm till they get home and you can express off some milk so that you are not too full.

ILoveMaxiBondi Thu 25-Apr-19 10:46:49

Another one with your DH here. You can express at 3:30/4:00pm and then there is an expressed bottle for DD to have the next day if she wants milk.

GMtoBe Thu 25-Apr-19 10:48:15

Also agree with PP, taking some oat or cow milk out with them is probably a good alternative if she's not keen on water. DD is 18 months and breastfed and she loves a cup of oat milk when I'm not there.

Pretry Thu 25-Apr-19 10:48:50

Sorry I agree with dh. And I fed mine (and worked full time) till they were 2+years.
I gave mine water if in between and soya yogurts etc.

user1493413286 Thu 25-Apr-19 10:49:05

On those odd occasions I’d leave that feed and just give her water while out. At that age my DD was only having morning and evening feeds.
I do get your frustration at it being great when convenient for him though

Kedgeree Thu 25-Apr-19 10:49:49

Can she have milk from a cup while out? Or a bottle if she'll take one? At her age she doesn't need such a strict bf schedule (I'm speaking as one who bf to 2.5 yrs).

StateofIndependance Thu 25-Apr-19 10:50:10

I agree with your DH too. You at least need to let him try a full day out. If she is really miserable about missing the feed then he might not want to do it again, but at least give it a go.

reetgood Thu 25-Apr-19 10:50:32

I’m still breastfeeding at 15 months. I found expressing to be too much (couldn’t express at work as we didn’t have a premises, my own company). He just fed when I got home. I actually ended up having some formula that I sent with him for childminders. You’ve done great to get to 11 months, he’s had the benefit of breastfeeding but it’s not necessary for you to feed him. Skipping one feed (I’m assuming it’s not the only one) won’t disrupt your feeding if you want to continue with it. Let your husband take him out. Returning every day at 3.30 is unfair to all.

bluebluezoo Thu 25-Apr-19 10:53:28

I agree with your dh. Sorry.

I fed long term and had a bottle refuser. By 11m it was feed in the morning and before bed.

They should be well along with the weaning so can have cereal, yoghurt, water, so bf times are much more flexible.

Hand express if you get uncomfortable, feed her when dh gets back. She won’t dehydrate or starve if she doesn’t bf at 3.30...

GummyGoddess Thu 25-Apr-19 10:53:58

I see your point, other children might drink water but both of mine would rather get dehydrated while waiting for breastmilk. Dc1 finally started drinking water at 13 months. Dc2 is 11 months and despite my determination to have him drinking water he will only have a tiny sip occasionally.

However if your dd will drink water then you do need to see it's being a bit unrealistic to expect him to come back halfway through the day. They can't really go back out to the activity after that.

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