DS won't take bottle, regret BF, prisoner in own home, sad

[MummEE2]

Just sitting and sobbing. Sorry for the lengthy post.. I have a 4.5 month old DS who has been EBF since birth. I had been going to gym twice a week for some 'me' time and was expressing BM and my DS was taking it in a bottle whilst I'm gone. He also had formula from a bottle on one occasion and polished all of it off.
For the past month DS has started refusing the bottle. We've tried Tomee Tippee but he never liked that, tried MAM and they were ok up until a month ago. He is now refusing those as well. Also tried NUK with latex teet and he refused that one too. I told my DH to feed him with a spoon or a syringe type thing but he also spits all of it out straight away.
I've been avoiding going to gym now in case my DS is hungry. I'm a prisoner in my own home!!! I've been invited to 3 different friends birthdays etc evenings out. I'd love to go!! My friend also offered to baby sit one evening for a few hrs so me and my DH could have a date night. Again my DS is not letting me as he won't take a bottle.

My DH has managed to go on two nights out and I can't lie I'm very jealous 😞yes I know having a baby is a commitment like no other and it's great-I love it but I need to go out now and then without the child for 3 or so hrs at least. I'm still a person not just a mum.

I also BF my son to sleep almost all of the time. Again I just feel trapped. I was proud for BF my son as I never managed to do it with my DD. But now I regret it. He feeds every hr or so. Yes I know it might be growth spurt. He's a big and healthy baby. I'd feed him every hr happily if I could have s break now and then. I need a break.

I went out for a lunch with a friend recently and my DH messaged me saying DS is not taking any milk and is screaming clearly hungry. I even told him to try give him yoghurt in pure desperation but he spat that out too. So I cut my lunch short and rushed back to BF. And he was hungry.

Please any advice how do I get DS to take a bottle? I need a bit of my life back. Wish I'd never BF, didn't realise it'll give me so many problems. No one else can settle him to sleep (DH rarely can rock him), no one else can feed him. Feel trapped. If only he took to a bottle.

[Ooplesandbanoonoos]

I didn't ever get my baby to take a bottle and felt the same as you.
BUT once your DS starts weaning they will eventually go longer between feeds and get into a more set feeding routine which gives you some free time. Also you will be introducing a sippy cup and can progress to using this for milk.
I know how you feel it's very hard but you will soon be moving to the easier stage there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Ps I would give up with the bottle it's soul destroying.

[ColeHawlins]

Are you trying to give the bottle or is your DH? BF babies often do refuse an artificial teat if they can smell mum.

[MummEE2]

Ooplesandbanoonoos thank you for understanding and saying it gets easier. I hope so. I'm sick of this. I forgot to add my DS also bites me when he's feeding. He's got no teeth, just gums but it really hurts when he does. Yet another reason I don't want to BF anymore but have no choice.

ColeHawlins unfortunately doesn't make any difference who's feeding him. My DH has tried numerous times to feed him when I'm at the gym and when I went for lunch recently too. I wasn't anywhere near home. Today out of curiosity and the fact I just want to stop BF I tried to give him milk from a bottle and then spoon myself but he acted the same as my DH described to me and spat everything out.

[MummEE2]

I guess I'll have to give up trying with a bottle. That's when I lost it today and started crying.

[Sexnotgender]

I know you’re desperate but you can’t give a 4.5 month old yogurt.

[mummmy2017]

You know he is not underweight, I think you should enlist your mum to help and just keep offering him the bottles .. when he is hungry enough he will take it

[BikeRunSki]

It may take some practice, but have you tried a Doidy Cup?

It’s not a teat of any sort, so your DS may not associate it with being “not mum” if that makes sense. DS used one from 6 months (he was ff, but preferred this), but the website says suitable from 3 months.

[VelociraptorRex]

A friend of mine had this - she found that if the bottle was warm, i.e. straight out of the steriliser, baby took it much more easily, maybe try that? But a pp is right, when they are hungry they will eat. for you, it's hard but you're doing great x

[MummEE2]

Sexnotgender I know, it was just pure desperation as by the time my DH messaged me I knew DS had not had milk for 4 hrs which never happens when I'm at home so I knew he must be very hungry. I'm certainly not going to wean him now, I'll wait until he's 6 months as per guidelines.

Mummmy2017 that's what I thought but my DS seems to be very stubborn as he refuses the bottle no matter how hungry he is and just screams. Not sure how hungry he would need to be to take a bottle. Seems he'd rather starve

[MindyStClaire]

Ugh, we had this. DD took a bottle precisely once in her life. I literally nearly cried in Tesco at the thought of having my life back. But it was once.

It did get so much easier when she was on solids (luckily she's a great eater). I went back to work when she was 8.5 months and she was suddenly fine with 2 feeds a day (she was a good sleeper by then but at 4.5 months her sleep was pure shite and nighttimes were hell on earth). Then at 9.5 months she went on a nursing strike and hasn't had BM or formula since. Just food and water, we're obsessed with trying to get dairy into her.

Basically, it will get better. It might take a while, but you'll get there. In the meantime - chocolate.

[MummEE2]

BikeRunSki thank you for advice, I haven't tried it but will buy it and try it. I've reached a point where I'd try anything.

VelociraptorRex thank you. I've tried it room temperature and warm but both are refused.

[olderthanyouthink]

Not sure I have any advice because you've managed bottles before but he's gone off them. We had that when we didn't give a bottle for ages and it's taken a couple months to get bottles back working. Only we've sort of fixed the bottle issue but now DD (4 months) won't go to other people and often cries hysterically even with her dad so I can't leave her with anyone atm, you have my sympathies.

[Lightsong]

I don't have any advice but I second what PP's have said about it's easier once they're weaning, so not much longer to hang on in there. I went back to work full time when DS was 9 months, still BF now at age 2 and he was a total bottle refuser from day 1. Of course he made up for it with reverse cycling though.....

[MummEE2]

MindyStClaire thank you, that sounds encouraging. My DS's sleep is not great and we cosleep to get any sleep at all. I'll be going back to work when DS is 9.5 months. It seems I need to wait for the magic number 6 when I can start weaning him and hope he's a good eater. It's only 1.5 months away but seems like forever.

[ColeHawlins]

Whatever happens, you're only weeks from weaning. Hang in there

[Spudlet]

This might be obvious, but have you tried faster flow teats? I had what you'd term an assertive let-down () and DS got cross with bottles because he wasn't getting the goods as fast as he was used to! Once we switched up, things got easier.

Could whoever is looking after your baby when you go to the gym go too, and go for a coffee or something? Then you'd have the reassurance that if he refuses a bottle, you're right there on the spot to feed him. But you're still having time to yourself.

[ColeHawlins]

X post Does it seem better if you think of it as six weeks?

[Astrid0208]

I found my baby self weaned from breastfeeding when we changed to size 3 teats on her bottle feeds, might be worth a try.

[pineapplebryanbrown]

My mum said i was utterly hopeless with a bottle (and not BF) so in desperation she found a sippy cup with very tint holes and just poured the milk in.

[MindyStClaire]

Yup, you can survive six weeks.

DD was an appalling sleeper until we moved her into her own room at 7 months. Something else you can think of in six weeks time if you want to follow the guidelines. I thought I'd be traipsing back and forth across the hall all night, but the first night she slept 12 hours in her cot. And from that point she'd nap in her cot too, until then all naps had been on me. That was obviously a huge turning point for us in terms of things getting easier. Obviously we were hugely lucky with that, but maybe you will be too.

[Wallywobbles]

Im afraid I'd have given him to my MIL for 2 days. I found breast feeding very traumatic. You have my sympathies. I'm sure MNetters would have me lynched.

[MummEE2]

Olderthanyouthink it's draining only being a mum and not a person. That's how I feel atm. I think I'll just keep telling my DH to keep trying bottles and spoon feeding and that cup that was suggested by pp. As I feel if I try and DS refuses I'll just cry.

Lightsong if you're still BF do you ever go on evenings out, or even lunch etc without the LO? I like the idea of BF long term but only if my LO accepted bottles so I had some freedom. At current state I can't wait to stop BF.

Should my DH keep trying with BM or formula? I was expressing previously but as it kept ending down the sink I had started just trying formula. Both were refused.

[HotpotLawyer]

OP, huge sympathies, I had a bottle refusenik too.

The best time to try is when they are NOT hungry.

"But a pp is right, when they are hungry they will eat" - this sounds logical , but a bf support expert who used to be on these boards had the opposite advice. She pointed out that when a baby is hungry, they want food and they want it now, from the source they have learned satisfies their hunger: you. So when hungry they will not experiment or 'play' and learn that yummy milk can also come from a bottle, they are just focussed on screaming for YOU.

She advised having a bottle ready and when they are nearly done feeding and starting to slow or mess about, then introduce the bottle. Or offer a bottle and let them 'play' with it a while after feeding but before they get hungry again. After a few goes (persist!) they will discover that a bottle can give them the milk they need.

It is easier once weaning starts - and I used to mix purees (didn't do BLW) with breast milk as a way to get milk and protein in.

You did a great thing for your baby...but I do feel your pain!

[Seeline]

You have my sympathies OP. I had a bottle refuser and it was soul destroying.
For those of you saying that they will take a bottle when they are hungry - the stubborn ones won't! Weaning was at 16 weeks when I had my DD - she didn't like that much either - just clamped her mouth shut. I had to leave her with DH for a day just after we started weaning. She refused all bottles, cups etc for milk/water all day, and refused everything apart from a tiny pot of yogurt.
She was absolutely ravenous by the time I got home and fed for hours.
She is 14 now and still bloody stubborn. And still has never drunk cow's milk.

[abcriskringle]

I had a bottle refuser but once we started weaning at 6mo it got so much easier - he could have actual food to keep him going and he also quickly started drinking from a sippy cup quite well so he could have milk from that. I reckon start him with a sippy cup asap - even if just to play with at first. Also as a pp said, get whoever is looking after him to try milk when he's relaxed / not hungry. Once they are hungry they have much less patience and just want breast! Good luck.