EXTENDED B/F PLEASE HELP - NEED TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST SO TO SPEAK...

[mcnoodle]

Ds is 2 (just) and has been bf morning and evening (and nap times at home) since a year old. I've had the usual ups and downs in terms of my feelings about it, but on the whole have been happy to continue and hoping for him to self wean.

DH and I went to Paris for a couple of days three weeks ago (twas our anniversary - tres romantique) and I was kind of hoping that ds would be more inclined to wean on our return. His morning and eve feeds had become very short and more about the cuddles than feeding.

Oh how wrong I was. Since we got back he has been demanding alot more (5 times a day) and waking in the night for more. I really can't cope with the nighttime thing after so long without it, and am starting to resent it all a bit. I want to wean, but its obvious that he needs the security at the moment.....

Gaaahhhhhggg - what to do?

[mcnoodle]

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[LilianGish]

Well done to you both for managing a romantic break. I think you just have to harden yourself to end breast feeding. I bf both of mine until they were 15 and 18 months respectively - really loved it and then, like you I was just ready to stop. Ds is not going to be happy with it to start with, but just as you deserved your romantic break, you also deserve to get your body back! You could leave it up to him to decide when he wants to stop, but that may not be for some years yet! Alternatively you can decide to call it a day and just say no - he might have a few tantrums at the outset but I'll bet that within a week or so the problem is solved. Remember, you're in charge - not him - and if you do it sooner rather than later he won't even remember that he used to be breastfed.

[mcnoodle]

Thanks Lilian

What I don't want is for me to start really resenting/not enjoying it, and for that to be my abiding memory of what has been a wonderful experience.

Cold turkey or one feed at a time?

[LilianGish]

You sound just like me - I have lovely memories of breastfeeding and you don't want that to turn to resentment. I would go cold turkey if you can manage it. He probably is a bit clingy if you've just been away, but you can still have lots of cuddles - just be really firm about no breastfeeding. Do you think it would help to take him shopping to choose a nice new cup?
If you really can't face cold turkey I would cut back to one feed at bedtime.

[micromummy]

Don't know how relevant this is (ds1 self weaned at 1, bored out of his tiny mind with bfing), but at age 2, couldn't your little one learn that bfing does NOT happen at night, just in the day? (if you want to carry on at all, that is).
good luck either way.
ds will forget all about it soon - i'm now bfing ds2 and ds1 calls my nipple a tummy button...
cate

[mcnoodle]

The night thing has only been happening in the last couple of weeks. It's just been easier to give in than put up with lots of screaming at 3am.

Think cold turkey would be easier for both of us. He is at nursery wed/thur so might start then as he will be tired in the evening. He has good language, and I have tried talking to him about it, but ultimately he wants to carry on and no amount of talking will change that!

Oh god - need to psyche myself up...

[LilianGish]

DH won't thank me for saying this, but I think you need to send him in at 3am - then ds will know bf is not on offer! Good luck - Wednesday start sounds like a good idea - and stick with it. Remember he's two years old - this could be the first of many battles of will, but you can win it!!

[beanbearer]

Agree with LilianGish about the need to rope in DH. My DD's 14 months and we decided 2 weeks ago that it was time for night feeds to stop. 1st night was horrific - she screamed for over an hour, even with DH in there offering water, cuddles, pats on the back. 2nd night was worse if that's possible - she woke 3 times but each time it took less time till she went back to sleep. (DH was looking pretty ragged the next day!). By the 3rd night she woke, cried, DH called from bed "Do you want water?" and after a brief grumble she went to sleep. We could hardly believe it! Now I'd like to say it's been perfect since then - but I reckon 5 nights out of the last 7 to sleep through is not bad going!
All the very best with it: psyche up your DH and get some earplugs in!

[mcnoodle]

Thanks all

No nighttime wake up last night thankfully and Dh at home with ds today (he usually goes to GP's but they are on holiday). I didn't feed him this morning and he did scream for me, but dh got up with him and managed to calm him down with toast and cuddles. I had a blissful extra hour in bed!

Am planning not to feed him this evening either - although that will be hard, so may continue with this for a little longer and just cut out the others. Will see how it goes. It does feel like the right time to stop, but I feel too.

[LilianGish]

Don't feel sad - you've done a fantastic job. Sounds like you're off to a good start with the weaning now - long may it continue. Why don't you promise yourself some fab new bras as consolation!