I'm a human dummy all night long, please help me!

[BluePheasant]

DS is 11 months, breastfed but eating plenty of solids in the day now. I think other than a couple of feeds in the evening he is nursing for comfort rather than actual hunger. I've always fed to sleep which is fine. If needed DH can settle him by cuddling and singing, he does cry but gives in eventually.

DS goes down around 8pm, then usually wakes after about 90mins, I always have to feed him back to sleep otherwise he kicks off big time and keeps DD(5) awake. Then every night without fail, just as I'm falling asleep, he is awake again and always really resists being put back in his bed again. Because I'm so tired by this point I end up just bringing him into bed with me and we fall asleep together with him comfort feeding. The trouble is, we've reached a point where from about midnight until 7am I feel like I am comfort feeding him all night long which means I'm getting very disturbed sleep and my back is killing me from not being able to move much in bed.

I don't want to completely give up breastfeeding just yet but I really want to close down the all night milk bar and get him sleeping longer stretches without the comfort feeding.

I'm due back to work soon and I'm so desperate to sleep better, even a few hours without a baby latched on to me would be bliss! Has anyone managed to break the cycle? Please help me!

[MummEE2]

I posted a similar issue yesterday in sleep section. I am also a human dummy!

[BluePheasant]

MummEE2 I really didn't know whether post this here or in the sleep section, it's a bit catch 22 isn't it 😩

[anonymouse]

I could have written this post. It's a prop association. I've got a call with a sleep consultant tomorrow. Will report back what she's advises.

[Wurlysurly]

Another here that could have written this post.

I have a just turned 1 year old who is exactly the same at night. I also feel you on the back issue!

[everloving]

DD is 8 months and this is exactly what I'm going through. Don't know how to change it. Please let us know what the sleep consultant says anonymouse

[MummEE2]

Where I posted the general advice was that it will pass with time.

A form of sleep training was also suggested involving feed play sleep routine but it involves letting the LO cry so it's not one for me.

Breastfeeding is very hard work and it's not just about feeding like it's made out to be. I never knew I'd become a dummy when I made the decision to BF

Looking forward to finding out about what the sleep trainer says

[BluePheasant]

Well it's not looking promising is it 😆 at least we're not alone!

Yes please do report back @anonymouse and anyone else who has any success!

So my plan is to wait until Friday and then DH can help with settling DS. I'll feed him up until my bed time and then the milk bar is closed. But I just know I'll crack as I end up feeling so guilty denying him his comfort and safe place and unless he settles quickly with DH I'll cave as I just can't bare him crying for a long time

[MummEE2]

I love it how you call it 'milk bar'. I call it 'all you can eat buffet' you've got to laugh haven't you 😅.

[snackarella]

I was in same position and I just had to get him off the boob it was driving me nuts so I stopped and it only took a week or so and now he settles ok. Good luck s

[everloving]

Snackarella did you stop breastfeeding altogether? Or just at night? I had an emergency situation recently where I had to be away from DD for a day and DH had to give her formula. It was a nightmare and think she has been traumatised by having no boob for that day

Wouldn't know where to start when weaning her off the boobies.

Anonymouse - any magic advice from the sleep consultant?

[anonymouse]

So we're going to get a proper sleep plan to follow and we should see improvements in a week!
To wean off the human dummy try giving water at night. They're not actually hungry so they'll start to realise it's not worth it.
We're going to start playing more in the nursery so the association is that it's a nice place to be. At the moment we just do nappy changes so can't be the best association for him.
Friends of mine in a similar situation have done cry it out and it's worked by I really don't want to do that.

[everloving]

Thanks anonymouse, sounds like good advice. Interesting about the nursery - we rarely use it during the day. I'll try with water too.

Cry it out method seems to work for those cut out for it. Unfortunately I'm not, so won't be trying that either.

If you have success over the next week, please report back!

[BluePheasant]

Yes I've thought about just offering water, a friend had success doing that too. It makes sense in theory but I just know DS will scream the house down wanting boob! I think DH will have to take him downstairs so he doesn't wake DD. It's not ideal but guess will just have to give it a go at the weekend.

I also don't think it helps that we still haven't got DS into his own room yet due to moving house and having work done. We are probably breaking every rule in the book tbh!

[WhirlieGigg]

I’ve tried refusing to give milk at night but DS just screams and I’m too tired to cope with that. Eventually I let him feed just so he’ll go back to sleep.

[MummEE2]

WhirlieGigg same here. If I let him have boob to fall asleep on and cosleep my DS sleeps for 4-5hrs at night straight. I think for a 9week old it's amazing (whatever to those that say their babies sleep through from birth etc). If I didn't give boob he just screams or if DH manages to settle him as soon as he's put down his eyes are open and there's no way he'll go back to sleep without boob

[BertieBotts]

Have you seen the Jay Gordon nightweaning method? That's supposed to be BF friendly.

The no cry sleep solution has some good suggestions too.

MummEE - at 9 weeks go with it. They are so little and grow out of it. Defo no cry it out at that age.

[anonymouse]

So, we're day 3 into our sleep plan. Last night I got 2 very brief (10 mins or less) moments of waking at 11.30 and 4am and he's currently napping by himself in his cot!!
We've gone cold turkey with feeds, dummy and basically anything that can be a prop.
I did try a bit of night weaning before I started the sleep plan and he took 1oz of water all night so I know hunger isn't a reason for waking. My attempt to give him water did anger him a lot though!
We do bedtime routine with lights on and then put him in his cot with lights off. We stay next to his cot but limited touch, pretty much just to lie him back down (i do give him a hug as I do this) and verbally reassure him. I'm not going to lie, the first night was brutal and it took over an hour to get him to sleep and he woke a lot in the night. When he wakes in the night I give him a few minutes before I go in and last night I just had to pat his back for 5 seconds before he went back to sleep.

[BluePheasant]

Great to read your update @anonymouse! That gives me hope that we can improve things. Are you breastfeeding at all before bedtime or have you stopped completely? When he wakes in the night what do you do to settle him now instead of feeding?

We haven't really had a proper go at it yet as we've all had colds one after another the last couple of weeks. DS was much better last night though so hopefully we'll be able to make some progress soon!

[heeblejeeble]

I could have written your first post @BluePheasant ! It's so reassuring to know it's not just me that my 11 month old is using as a dummy. I'm going to try the gentle methods mentioned here so thank you for posting. Our sons cot is still next to our bed but he's always in the bed with me so it's time now to love him out! Good luck with your milky freeloader

[Namenic]

My husband can put 21month old to bed, but if he has me he wants boob and can now ask for it v loudly!

We r going to try moving him in with his brother...

[anonymouse]

@bluephesant
He has a feed before his bath. We then do a story and put him in his cot. During the night I waited a few minutes before going in and doing the same as bedtime of shhing and verbally reassuring. I didn't have to but each time I waited a minute extra as i noticed he'd start to settle himself. Sometimes i didn't go in but stood at the door. That was only really for 2-3 nights as since Tuesday he's been sleeping through the night! If he does wake it's now just him raising his head, looking around and flopping back down to sleep. The only thing in his cot that's a sleep aid now is Ewan.
I'm amazed at how quickly he's taken to it. Before I started this sleep plan I couldn't even put him in his cot.
Since he's been getting good sleep, I've noticed he's not as clingy to me in the day either. He'll happily sit and play with his toys and is fine if I move out of his line of sight.

[MrsSiba]

@anonymouse that sounds amazing. You must feel elated that changes have been so quick!
How old is your little one? And which sleep consultant did you use? I am interested to know whether they do a face to face consultation or remotely. Thanks

[anonymouse]

@MrsSiba
It's been amazing. I didn't think he would take to it so quickly. He's 10 months old. We used Star Sleepers. I had a free 15 minute consultation via phone before we decided to go ahead. You get 3-4 check in calls and unlimited email support for the first 2 weeks.
To be honest when I had the consultation, I wasn't particularly serious but after speaking with Beverley and doing some research I realised that going down the sleep consultant route was right for us.