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Feeling a bit sad about not bf dd anymore.

(24 Posts)
princessmel Mon 18-Jun-07 15:11:42

And its not even on the cards! Yet.

Dh thinks we should start to think about stopping the bf.

She's 22 months and only bf at bedtime , in the night (if she wakes) and first thing in the morning.

Dh thinks that the bf is why she wakes so early or in the night. But sometimes she'll sleep through (she did 7 till 6 on saturday)and other times she'll go to 5 then have a bf and I hope she'll go back to sleep - she doesn't always . The last week she's been waking at 4.30 though then not going back to sleep at all.

I am happy to still be bf her but I also can't imagine she'll self wean any time soon. And I don't want to do it forever. I would like to TTC no.3 in about 15 months and wanted to have had a large break with no bf before I got pg again.

Telling her that the milks all gone would just be heartbreaking. I know she'd be very upset. I know I could try to go out at bedtime and get dh to do it but I don't want to distress her for our own selfish reasons.

And anyway I'm still ok with it , I like it, but just don't know when its going to stop. Are there any signs??

She's getting more into stories at bedtime and less focussed on milk so thats a turn in the right direction I suppose. She only really settles to feed when ds has gone to bed and its just us and stories are finished.

Shall I just carry on and hope that she self weans whens she's ready. Thats what I'd like , even though I know I'd be very upset when that day comes too!

princessmel Mon 18-Jun-07 15:25:07

Got to take ds to football now. I'll come back later .

TiggernPooh2 Mon 18-Jun-07 15:33:20

Hi Princessmel,

I would be really interested to see how this thread goes. My ds is 20 months and still bf and although we are not planning to stop now will probably think about it in the next year.

I agree with the feeling upset, just the thought of stopping makes me feel sad.

Was reading an extract of the no-cry sleep solution the other day which looked to be helpful re bfing at night. The website is hope the link works, a bit rubbish at that sort of thing.

Also do whats right for you, as if you are not happy stopping it will be more upsetting and I guess you will probably be more likely to give in. (I think I would!!)

Psychobabble Mon 18-Jun-07 15:34:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

beansprout Mon 18-Jun-07 15:37:34

Dh has been suggesting that I wean ds for about a year now

It's up to you and dd, not anyone else. I am now pregnant and yep, there's the suggestion to stop again, but I don't want to and neither does ds.

Do want you want to do, but a 22mo does not need feeding in the night other than for comfort. Other than that, b/feeding does not affect their sleeping patterns.

Eulalia Mon 18-Jun-07 15:39:58

I am a long term breastfeeder (been feeding now for 8 years - on 3rd child!). My ds is also 22 months but I don't intend to stop yet.

I'd doubt if her waking is directly related to b/feeding, plenty toddlers wake early who aren't breastfed. They too will need comforted to get back to sleep but the comfort is just given in a different way. Does it matter to you if you settle her again with breastfeeding.

She will self-wean if she is already showing signs of being interested in other things. It's just a very gradual process and quite slow. Getting your dh to put her to bed sometimes will allow her to forget about it. If you want to wean her now then do it slowly rather than suddenly but it doesn't sound like a big burden to you. Carry on for just now if you enjoy it and you can still get pregnant and have 9 months to think about how to wean her.

princessmel Mon 18-Jun-07 21:12:22

Thanks everyone for the posts.

Dd had her milk as usual tonight. She has a bath then as soon as she's ready for bed she say's 'milk' and wants me. Its just her routine and she's never gone to bed any other way , ever. She's never had a bottle even of ebm.

I'm not going to stop, yet, but just wondered when and how it would ever happen. Just typing this makes me feel sad about it.

Eulalia, No I don't mind settling her with bmilk as -touch wood- recently its only been early morning or maybe one wake in the night. I actually feel proud of her as she was(when younger) waking 3 times most nights and has naturally reduced them to one or none, if we're lucky!!
But then you get people saying things like 'she should be going through the night', 'she's nearly 2' blah blah blah. Thats mostly coming from people who let their children cry it out though so very different to me.

I love her so much and don't want to upset her or confuse her etc.

Anyway, how old were yours when they self weaned, anyone??

FrannyandZooey Mon 18-Jun-07 21:15:55

Ds self-weaned when he was nearly 4 and it was entirely his own decision (I didn't actually want to stop )

He did carry on waking for milk in the night fairly predictably, until he was about 3 when he went into his own bedroom

then he woke on and off for a few weeks and then started sleeping through

Most children, if left to their own devices, self-wean between the age of 2 and 4 and IME girls often wean earlier than boys

Aloha Mon 18-Jun-07 21:18:30

dd was just over two when we stopped breastfeeding. It was fine. Yes, a bit sad and I feel nostalgic, but sort of can't imagine doing it anymore. She did ask a bit, but wasn't upset. We distracted her a lot, dh taking her down to breakfast, me wearing a top in bed in the morning. For me it has marked a new phase in my life.
I htink I mostly feel a bit sad because I'll not have another baby!

Jacanne Mon 18-Jun-07 21:27:34

DD2 is 28 months and still BF - a little more than your dd by the sound of it - she still has some in the daytime - I can't see us going on past 3 but then we're not ready to stop yet either. She sounds very similar to your dd. She will sometimes wake at about 2.00 am for a quick 5 min feed and then sometimes at around 6-ish for another feed then will normally sleep on until 8. About 3 days out of the 7 I will wake to find her in her own bed and realise that she has gone through. At the moment it is easy so I'm going with the flow - we're not hurting anyone else. And once a night is a vast improvement from every 2 hours which is where we were at 12 months.

You may find your dd stops during pregnancy anyway as lots of children self-wean then. To be honest I think you might regret it if you stop now - it doesn't sound like you're ready.

Also lots of "through the night"-ers that I know (who were "sleep trained") have started waking in the night at around the age of 3. The only time DP and I ever got anxious about our children's sleep was when we listened to what everyone else was saying.

princessmel Mon 18-Jun-07 21:28:29

Wow f+Z thats amazing. I can't imagine doing it till dd's 4. That would mean tandem feeding her and the new (not conceived yet baby)

Aloha, dh could and does sometimes take dd down for breakfast. If she comes into bed in the morning and I'm lying down then she says 'milk' and really means it. Its no good saying, 'no' iyswim. She always has it.

But if was going to stop then we'd have to think of that. It would be sad if I couldn't have her in bed for a cuddle in the morning though.

I think the bedtime one will be the hardest by a long way. I don't know if its worth stopping the morning ones till the bedtime one is going. Or is it? Will it be another step nearer to no bf.

Also should I say to her 'do you want some milk in a cup?' She'd probably say 'no'. She doesn't drink it in the day except on cereal. Or she'd say 'yes' then still want bmilk!

Its silly really even thinking about this as she's only small for such a short time. Dh just cant see and end. Neither can my mum or sister for that matter.

Aloha Mon 18-Jun-07 21:30:36

I found a bit difference between 22 months and 25 months tbh. I'd say 'all gone' to her requests. The lack of morning cuddles is a very, very brief period. I always bring her in for a cuddle now. We had a little sleep together this morning because she felt poorly. If you want to stop gently, you can, but of course, you don't have to. It's totally up to yuo. I started to find breastfeeding annoying more than pleasurable, adn I didn't like that.

FrannyandZooey Mon 18-Jun-07 21:34:32

It does end

and it will probably end sooner rather than later

like me you may even feel sad about it ending once it has become a very hassle-free, purely pleasant and relaxing thing once or twice a day, as it does with an older child

princessmel Mon 18-Jun-07 21:42:10

I will feel sad F+Z and it is really only a twice a day thing.
I'm not ready to stop yet just wondering out loud and how it all works when they do self wean, if they do atall.

TiggernPooh2 Mon 18-Jun-07 21:52:44

This thread is giving me great hope. Was beginning to think ds would never self wean, but sounds like its quite possible.

I will also tell my friend who does not have internet access about this as she is kind of in the same position.

I also read a thread a while ago about tandem feeding which I feel sounds like a really good idea (it ds does not self wean in the meantime). Have you considered this?

princessmel Mon 18-Jun-07 22:07:13

I really don't want to do that. I want to have stopped bf dd for quite a while by the time I get pg.

FrannyandZooey Mon 18-Jun-07 22:07:44

There is a great book by LLL called "How Weaning Happens"

I am happy to lend it on when I get it back from the current borrower

princessmel Tue 19-Jun-07 10:14:50

Thanks F+Z. That would be lovely.
She slept 7 ish till 5 last night by the way. Had a bf at 5 then didn't go back to sleep.

FrannyandZooey Tue 19-Jun-07 10:39:58

I don't know when I will next see the person who has it but will try to track them down

if I don't get in touch will you remind me? It is a lovely book, very reassuring and sensible

Eulalia Tue 19-Jun-07 16:33:02

ds1 stopped practically at age 5 when he moved into his own room, although still had the odd 'feed' with weeks apart till age 6. So was a very very gradual weaning process. dd (middle child) is still at it and its wearing me down a bit although she's in the same bedroom as ds1 she still demands it at bedtime. It gets her into bed quickly though! And she sleeps right through.

Have tandem fed all 3 children and its worked OK really and it is a useful 'tool' to calm them down. ds2 is a bit off colour just now and its good to know that he's getting nutrition even though he's not eating food.

Good luck with whatever you do and TTC for your next child.

princessmel Tue 19-Jun-07 18:09:55

Thanks both of you

Yes I will F+Z . I'll need all the help and support I can get!! Not yet though.

I can't imagine feeding for as long or for as many children as you Eulalia. Its amazing really.

TiggernPooh2 Tue 19-Jun-07 22:13:48

Wow - Eulalia thats great. F&Z will see if I can get hold of that book as my friend would be really interested in that too.

Just to hijack (spelling rubbish) the thread slightly, sorry!!

Do you think it is better to get ds into own room and then try to stop bf or stop while still in bed with me?? Purely a selfish question as don't think I could face trotting into another room everytime he wants his milky drinks!!! But would the fact I am laying next to him cause difficulties in stopping??

Greensleeves Tue 19-Jun-07 22:17:58

just came to check F&Z had seen this thread

Good luck to you, princess mel, it must feel very sad to contemplate ending somthing so wonderful and intimate. There will be other things, other characteristics and joys, that come with her advancing age which feel equally as amazing, and you'll wonder how you ever lived without them.

princessmel Wed 20-Jun-07 13:16:39

Thanks Greensleeves. Thats kind of you.

I can't actually picture what it will be like when I don't bf her anymore. I'm hoping she will gradually stop by herself and it will be her decision and that she'll be happy with it.

Thats the plan anyway...!!

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