I have an almost 5 month old baby girl whom I underfed from about 8 weeks to 12. She was mixedfed from birth due to low milk supply and I was working on increasing my milk supply. Once it got to a level where I had about 70% breastmilk (by expressing roung the clock) I was told to drop the formula and give the baby the breast instead as this would increase my supply. This didn't seem to go according to plan and my baby was constantly crying which we put down to colic (she was very colicky from 1 week old) or silent reflux. She didn't gain any weight for about 3 weeks and then only 100g for 2 weeks when we realised she was starving. Since then I have been feeding her between 30 and 35 oz per day and she put on 2 lb in 4 weeks and she is now the happiest baby ever. Very good sleeper too. However i cannot get over the fact that I was almost starving my beautiful, healthy baby. It is killing me day and night :((( Has anyone had a similar experience? Did babies catch up and did well both physically and mentally when growing up?
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Infant feeding
I underfed my baby for about 4 weeks, can't belive or forgive myself
Miha17 · 22/03/2018 15:34
Please try not to beat yourself up. I know its difficult, I really do, but put it behind you and squeeze your beautiful baby.
My DS was born after 3 day Labour and emergency c section. I was exhausted, suffered blood loss so was very weak, a new mum, had no idea what i was doing and was in a very unsupportive hospital. Me and DS fell asleep on the second night we were in hospital for 6 hours. When the midwife came by the next morning she ripped my head off that i had allowed him to sleep so long without a feed. I said he was obviously tired and she responded, and I quote 'you have starved him so much he is too weak to cry'. That sentence has haunted me every single day. My DS lost 14% bodyweight. I blamed myself for this. However, the chief midwife told me as I was discharged that the midwife should never have said that and they had failed me by not supporting me. The reason he had lost weight was because my milk hadn't come in due to the emcs and noone at the hospital had prompted me with what to do.
I say this because I know how you feel as a mum. But as PP said you did what you thought was right, and your baby is OK. Please try to let it go.
for you OP
Miha, you sound like a brilliant, loving, attentive mother. "She is now the happiest baby ever"... you did that.
I was desperate for breast feeding to work and it just didn't, my supply just never picked up. I got all the advice from midwives, bf consultant, friends who had bf, you name it... "Keep at it and the milk will arrive, don't use formula as it will interfere..." I listened, refused to use formula, pumped and nursed around the clock... and my baby had to be admitted with dehydration at a week old 
. I can't even look at the newborn pictures with the little chapped lips and jaundiced skin. I wonder how I didn't see how desperate things were getting. I feel sick when I think of what might have happened of it had gone on another day, another weekend....
It's so hard though, when you're a new mother you don't really know what's normal, you don't know if they're not getting much or if it just feel that way.
I beat myself up then for 'failing' to bf and having to use formula. I beat myself up later for being so obsessed with 'breast is best' that I let my baby go hungry and become ill rather than give a perfectly suitable and available substitute. So I understand why you're beating yourself up, but you shouldn't. You don't deserve it and neither did I.
There were no ill effects at all once my baby started gaining. Happy, healthy, thriving from the first bottle of formula on. It's a decade later and I have a very bright, very athletic, very social, very happy, very wonderful kid.
When my sister was born 40+ years ago, a doctor told my mum to not feed her more often than every 4 hours. She screamed the whole time of course and my mum sat in tears trying to stick to the advice. When she had no weight gain, another doctor told her to feed her now 4 week old baby raw egg 
Point is, you are given expert advice and you follow it. You can only do your best with the information you have. DSis is in the peak of health by the way
Please don't beat yourself up. Feeding a newborn is a rollercoaster and no one gives you a manual of what to do. There is an assumption that bf is natural and should come as second nature to a mother, but it doesn't, it's flipping hard work! My DD had a tongue tie and lost 10% birth weight. She was constantly crying, I realise now because she was tired and hungry, but in the blur of exhaustion (and getting over that bloody hard process of childbirth) I just didn't have a clue what was going on. She started gaining again once the tongue tie was sorted.
She is sitting in front of me in the high chair now tucking into some pear with the chubbiest cheeks ever and you would never know what went on with her feeding in the first few weeks. Please do not worry 
My firstborn, now 15, I was told to feed every 4 hours.
I did as I was told, and DS1 screamed. A lot.
In the end I fed more, but HV was very cross with me, making a rod etc.
Since having DD and DS2, who both fed on demand, sometimes every hour, I feel very guilty that DS1 was screaming for milk.
But, he’s fine. No damage done. And I did follow advice from a ‘professional’.
From then on though, I pretty much ignored the HV’s.
Try not to feel guilty
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Oh love, I really do understand
No one seemed to notice that my newborn was getting nothing from my boob for her first five days. No one saw her having violent attacks of jittering. She was so unsettled and we thought it was wind but she was hungry. My blood runs cold when I think about how bad it could have got (I figured it out, thanks to absolutely no HCP input whatsoever and switched to formula) but the important thing is no harm was done. And no harm was done to your girl either.
I understand the regret and the anger and feeling that you were given shitty advice, but try not to dwell on it. Sadly it's not uncommon.
Be kind to yourself. It wasn't your fault.
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