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How to get 3mo to spread out his feeds. On off alot

(31 Posts)
Jellybabie3 Fri 29-Dec-17 10:28:35

So as the title suggests my 3mo still goes on and off the boob alot. I keep a log which shows during the night he typically wakes every 3 hours for a feed (recording from the start) but in the day he is much more fussy. He will wake from a sleep hungry and typically want to go back to sleep with a feed. This means two feeds in two hours. I always try to get him back to sleep by other means which rarely works before he kicks off. Annoyingly if daddy or anyone else trys he goes to sleep. If hes near me he wants the boob.

How do i break this so he has one feed per 2-3 hours only?

I dont have nor want a pacifier.

Jellybabie3 Fri 29-Dec-17 10:29:41

Btw i know this is largely comfort feeding but it seems he now expects 2x feed per wake up.

Also he wont sleep by himself in the day i have to hold him.

TheVanguardSix Fri 29-Dec-17 10:36:35

I think this is pretty much how it is with infants. I'd roll with it. You can't really schedule a 3 month old, imo. It is a very demanding, draining time and of course he wants YOU! He's been in your womb for 9 months. He still thinks he is part of you.

Mine always fed every 2 hours and it's tough.

Using a sling helped me to sort of get some mental space. Kids sleep longer in a sling. Slings are wonderful but they can also feed the beast, so it's important not to be too dependent on it. Otherwise you'll have a baby on you, in your arms, in your bed night and day and it is vital that you separate a little bit, otherwise you go a bit mad.

With DC3 I had a sleepyhead bed nest which was also a godsend. He seemed happy to nap in it for far longer than anywhere else and this freed me up a teeny, tiny bit.

3 hours is a long stretch for a 3 month old to go without a feed.

Jellybabie3 Fri 29-Dec-17 10:41:11

Thanks. I have a sleepyhead which he uses at night. It is a godsend. But in the day he just wont go down alone. Even pushing him in the pram or in the car seat he will cry from overtiredness for ages til he caves. He just knows its not bedtime hmm

I do use a sling but my god hes heavy after a while when trying to do chores huh!!

Thanks. I will heep going!!

Smoochyschmoo Fri 29-Dec-17 11:17:52

Sorry my 5mo still wants fed 1.5-2 hours so don’t think much you can do!

I didn’t want a dummy at all but caved, it’s a god send and I wish I’d used one for the older dc. Does he have a balnket or anything he could find comfort in? Dd found her thumb around 3 months and that enabled her to self settle, ds1 I resorted to controlled crying as he just wouldn’t sleep, after that he would have a blanket that he relied on for sleep.

Jellybabie3 Fri 29-Dec-17 15:57:57

He is trying to find his thumb but we are not encouraging it. I am persistant giving him a blanket though. He seems to like to suck on a muslin. Everything else - toys etc he hasn't fathomed how to get in his mouth yet.

Real issue i think is if he sees me he wants the boob. If he's distracted hes fine. I don't know how to break that.

ChocolatePodge Fri 29-Dec-17 20:54:20

My three month old is exactly the same, it's just the way bf babies are wired I'm afraid. Sometimes I can feel a little miffed that daddy and grandma get all the smiles and sunshine while I end up with the grizzly/tired/hungry baby but then I remember how short this time will be and he's entirely dependent on me for all hunger, thirst and comfort.

It is possible to train a baby to not seek attention for his or her needs using a cio method of ending the cuing for attention, help, nourishment, hydration, support, and loving, physical comfort that is programmed into the biology of young mammals. But then you must remember these are needs not wants.

“Nursing to sleep is no more a ‘bad habit’ than peeing in a diaper” is quite possibly the most sensible thing about bfing I've read since I started. Makes me so glad that in those first confusing, sleep befuddled weeks when you query everything you're doing or not doing I followed my instincts and not national guidelines!

Jellybabie3 Fri 29-Dec-17 21:12:40

Ok that's a fair point. I guess that's whats frustrated me over xmas. Everyone has cuddles then passesme DS for feeds. I love the bond we have for feeding but get upset it seems he sees me as just a dairy. Not helped by the fact others have literally said that to me.

ChocolatePodge Fri 29-Dec-17 21:34:39

Your not just a dairy! You're his everything smile

But yes other people's comments can really knock your confidence. My mother calls me the milk bar and constantly passes him back with a sarcastic "get your tits out" hmm things were much different in her baby rearing days but then her milk supply had petered out by 6 weeks doing it the way she was advised to

I try to make sure I get some smiles and cuddles after feeds which should become easier after new year when there are fewer people competing for his attention. Plus every week he's getting more interactive, i love those big eyes and cheeky grins when he finishes feeding that only I see!

I did read about and consider the eat, wake, sleep system but I prefer feeding on demand. When his tummy is content the rest takes care of itself

furryelephant Fri 29-Dec-17 22:20:41

It does get better, you just have to wait it out! Around that age my Dd was having over 20 feeds a day most days confusedhmm(it did turn out to be a tongue tie but frequent feeds can be normal anyway!) I tried to remind myself that I also snack rather than like big, infrequent meals too. I went with it, and it did gradually reduce smile they feed for all sorts of reasons other than hunger- comfort, reassurance, pain, being cold, over stimulated. Pretty much anything!

KatoGreen Sun 31-Dec-17 16:09:42

*Chocolate pod*ge - "Get your tits out" !! <horrified > that's a bit nasty, maybe your mum is a bit jealous, if her own milk supply dried up?

You are definitely more than a milk bar. Other people's comments can be so rude!

Jellybabie3 Sun 07-Jan-18 20:46:27

Thanks all. I am timing his feeds and he wants a feed every 1hr 45 or so but thats recording from the start of the last feed which is maybe 20mins long. I will try and space with playtime then back to sleep after 2 hours. Does that seem reasonable? I want him to not need the boob before naps too really

arbrighton Sun 07-Jan-18 21:23:44

He's too young to not feed on demand. BM is easily digested so they need to feed often.

Marcine Sun 07-Jan-18 21:44:29

Babies need to suck. Is there a reason you don't want a dummy?

Jellybabie3 Sun 07-Jan-18 22:37:23

@arbrighton every 90mins even at 3 months? I just read conflicting advice that suggests it should be 3 hours. I am nowhere near that even when considering counting from the end of a feed. I have tried getting him to feed longer as hes dropped from 45 mins to about 15 - 20 for a long feed now in a couple of months but he doesnt take any more. I am not worried as such but want whats best for him in the long run either way.

I dont want a dummy. Its just soemthing me and dh agreed on

Jellybabie3 Sun 07-Jan-18 22:38:44

Btw i am happy to feed on demand I'm just suprised really that its not subsided abit. At night hes much better

silverrose56 Sun 07-Jan-18 23:15:55

My 10 month old DS was feeding like that until about 7 months. It was only once he started eating more solid food that he began to spread out his feeds. Even now, if he is having a bad day with his teeth and therefore eating less, he will sometimes feed every couple of hours.

I think most babies (who are fed on demand) feed often.

Jellybabie3 Mon 08-Jan-18 06:49:23

Ok thanks thats good to know

MujosMama Mon 08-Jan-18 07:17:07

You are doing great! My son breastfed every 2 hours until he was about 4 1/2 months and even now (6 months) he's a "little and often" eater, with bottles and food during the day and breast at night.

I convinced myself when he was about the same age as yours that I had to get him into spaced out feeds and some kind of routine. I started to distract him when he asked for food and resist (unless he really kicked off) feeding him until 3 hours had passed.

He ended up dropping a centile line at his next weigh in and the HV advised me to go back to his natural preference and just offer it whenever he wants it.

I know some people find that the routines really work for them but for me I found on demand feeding so much easier and healthier for my baby. He is also still fed to sleep by me and held to sleep (with a dummy) by my DP or at nursery. It works quickly and he then goes down no problem. I honestly think he's still too young for anything else. Whatever makes your life easy and makes baby happy smile it won't last forever

peanutbutter310 Mon 08-Jan-18 07:53:49

At about two months old DD was feeding every 1.5-2hrs, but I had a sense she wasn't always properly hungry and she was going 3-4 hours at night.

I decided, for one day, not to let her have a feed less than 2 hours apart. There were some tears that afternoon. I left her with DH and stayed out of the room for the final 30 minutes of each cycle.

Within a couple of cycles she started to take longer feeds and then naturally stretched the gap out to 3 hours herself over the following couple of days. She had basically gotten into the habit of 'snacking' and we just needed to break the cycle.

I wouldn't have done it when she was much younger, or before she'd shown herself capable of doing longer stretches. Also, there were still days when she would genuinely need feeding more frequently (growth spurts, sickness, hot weather, etc), and I always continued to feed on demand at these times.

Marcine Mon 08-Jan-18 08:06:32

Breastfeeding is about so much more than food/hunger - if you won't let him have a dummy and discourage him using his thumb for comfort he's going to need to comfort feed a lot.

BrioLover Mon 08-Jan-18 08:20:37

I found this article reassuring:
https://www.emmapickettbreastfeedingsupport.com/twitter-and-blog/the-dangerous-game-of-the-feeding-interval-obsession

Jellybabie3 Mon 08-Jan-18 11:18:42

Ah so I have fallen victim to bad advice again. I'm starting to loathe my baby books.....

I am still feeding on demand here. No way I am risking a weight drop off. DS lost weight when he was born (14%) as we were both poorly after delivery and it was so hard on both of us to gain it back and very scary. And besides that I cant bear his little face if he's hungry - who could.

My 'concern' is how distracted he is atm. Hes taking in the whole world I know but sometimes I think its at the expense of feeding properly. In the night he decided to feed for 5 mins then chat to me whilst staring at the shadows on the ceiling. It's all new behavior. As I say, it's not an issue I am just wanting the best for him and don't want to make him struggle later on for me allowing any 'bad' behaviour whatever that may be, to persist if its not in his best interest.

Thanks all for your advice 😊

Jellybabie3 Mon 08-Jan-18 11:19:45

Thanks @BrioLover thats a great article - made me feel abit silly tbh but confirms that feeding on demand is best for my son.

BrioLover Mon 08-Jan-18 14:04:58

That's how I felt too! My EBF DS2 is also 3m old and I formula fed DS1 so this is all new to me.

DS2 has just dropped from the 25th centile to the 9th and that's coincided with him getting over bronchiolitis and suddenly sleeping 7-8 hours per night. He woke up at 3am last night for a feed so I hope he's back on track now.

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