Night weaning - husband not helping

[Marburae]

I’m at my wits end and don’t really know where to go. Our little lad is 13 months old and breastfed. I decided at 12 months I wanted to wean him off the breast and decided to start with the night feeds. At first it was fine, we knocked out a feed in a week and the other two were down to 10 minutes. Then all hell broke lose - he was poorly so I fed him every time he asked so we didn’t risk dehydration- that was two weeks ago and I’m still feeding him 5-6 times a night. My issue is my husband - we agreed that he needs to settle our lad for every wake up after the 2nd feed - apart from he doesn’t, he picks and chooses - sometimes our boy is screaming in his arms for 10-15 mins (and we’ve never done CIO) and then starts to settle down and DH will then decide to bring him into me for a feed - 30 mins later the first sound our baby makes, DH brings him straight in - 30 mins after that DH could sit with him for a few minutes and he is settled fine. I think it’s all mixed messages and it’s why our night weaning isn’t just failing but is actually causing increased feeds. Tonight our baby got so upset and DH didn’t pull the plug early enough - after 20 minutes or excruciating screaming he finally decided enough was enough and brought him in but our baby had also started to settle down - I felt that it could have been the turning point in our weaning and boom, DH gave up on it and the poor kid thinks he now has to scream for 20 to get mummy. 😓 I’m struggling - we are arguing a lot because we are tired and every time we make a plan he does the opposite in a sleep deprived state. We agreed 4 hours ago to give up and try again in a few weeks - but just now when baby wakes, he held him crying 10 minutes in the hope he would settle without milk - HELP!!!!!!!! I’m at the point where I feel this would be easier to do it myself - at least I could be consistent 😞 I’ve asked him to come to a HV to talk about what is going wrong and maybe he will listen to someone else?

[snackarella]

I have been there and it is very infuriating, does your dh work?
If he does and you have no other dc and are a sahm , I would suggest doing it on your own. I found it easier in the end. My dh isn't an arsehole he was just tired and confused and pissed off and there was no point it being both of us. I was a stay at home so was easier for me to deal with the next day!
Good luck x

[Marburae]

Infuriating is the right word! He works full time and I work 3 days a week - my family live 5 hours away and his 1.5 hours away so it looks like it’s going to be me - how did you do it on your own? How did you get your little one to stop asking you for milk when you went to soothe them? Thank you! Nice to know I’m not being horrid and others have found it a nightmare with their husbands too!

[lorisparkle]

I had inconsistent help from my dh and mainly did it myself. I increased the time between feeds by 15 minutes every 3 days. How are you getting him to sleep? I was also bf to sleep so I gradually taught him how to go to sleep by himself. The book teach your child to sleep was fantastic!

[Marburae]

Thank you - I’ll give it a go doing it myself - hopefully I’ll have a happy kid and marriage left by the end of it 😐 x

[confusedlittleone]

Take yourself away for the week- he'll HAVE to do it that way.

[Ritualunion]

No advice I’m afraid but just wanted to say I’m going through the same thing here, OP. I’m trying to drop night feeds too and my DH is not being overly helpful either.

DS is 10.5 months and tends to feed about 3-4 times a night (I think 1 is for hunger but the others are for comfort). I want to reduce to 1-2 as I’m going back to work in a few weeks. I said to DH we need to come up with a strategy, and he said I decide what I want to do and tell him what I need. Problem is I don’t know what I need as I’m no expert! I did however devise a plan this week (starting off with no feeds between 12-4am, holding and soothing in other ways instead of boob) and DH to help me to re-settle during any wake ups in this window.

The problem I have is that DS does not associate DH with comfort (more like fun) so when he goes in when he’s expecting a feed he tends to get angry...

Last night DH gave up comforting after 20 minutes of loud crying and left him crying in his cot (which was never part of our plan). I said he needs to persevere as otherwise DS will never associate him with comfort!

I’m so tired and will have to persevere with it and just keep compelling DH to be a partner in all this. His sleep is not more important than mine!

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

[Marburae]

It’s reassuring to hear that it’s not just our little family - thank you. No news as of yet - I have put it all on hold to reassure our little boy that everything is ok and I’ll try again in a week or two. I think it was all a bit to much to quick as he started panicking and asking for milk day and night every 20 mins - it’s like he knows I’m trying to take it away so he is more desperate for it now than ever. Once this has settled down I’ll try again and slower. X