Breastfeeding is restrictive AF [rant]

[PeppersTheCat]

Please correct me if I'm wrong, but breastfeeding is restrictive AF.

I currently have an ebf 7 week old. I can only do things that involve taking him along too. So, no cinema, no gym, no date nights, no girls nights out. I am the only breastfeeder at the baby group I attend, so whilst all the other mums seem to have a life (can get their hair done, go on nights out, attend the gym), I seem shackled to my baby and socially ostracized. It feels lonely and limiting.

I particularly miss the gym, which I used for my mental health. If I even want to attend a 1 hour gym class, I'd need to beg someone to come with me and hold the baby.

Does anyone else feel this way? :(

Just after a pep talk I suppose.

Any tips for having a life whilst ebf? I cannot express much milk.

[2014newme]

I'd be very surprised if many mums were doing gym, cinema, date nights and all. The rest with a 7 week old baby. Your expectations are not realistic.
Switch to formula if it will help but I think you have post baby culture shock!

[existentialmoment]

You have a 7 week old baby. How many cinema nights, gym visits, nights out were you expecting to have?

You can go to the gym, baby doesn't need feeding every half hour.

[Whippetmamma]

Hiya :-)
Ebf 5 months in. It is so tiring and tying in the early months! Well done and try not to get too bogged down in what others are able to do!
Have you thought about trying to find a gym with a crèche? That way you can steal a half hour/hour gym session between feeds?
I did a lot of walking- going to the beach, to the woods, gardens. Maybe not so good coming into winter but meeting friends for lunch is still doable.

[Whippetmamma]

*although I was still a bit shell shocked at 7 weeks. Don't think I did much until the 3 month mark!

[2014newme]

Exactly. Expecting girls nights out with a 7 week baby Old is bonkers

[PeppersTheCat]

To my knowledge, they hand baby and bottle to dad or grandma. One of the mums for example, spent the whole of Saturday on a childfree shopping spree.

I shall look into the creche idea, thanks.

[2014newme]

That's very unusual to spend a day shopping without baby at that stage. Are your friends teenage mums?

[Kraggle]

I'm sorry but what were you expecting to happen if you solely breastfeed your baby?

You are then their only source of nutrition they need you to live so of course they have to be with you quite a lot of the time.

If you are unhappy with breastfeeding try mixed feeding or go fully to formula, baby will be fine either way and you can go on as many jollies as you like.

[existentialmoment]

One of the mums for example, spent the whole of Saturday on a childfree shopping spree

And you want to do this too? Well just bottle feed and get on with it then.

[AppleBlossomTimeNow]

I know how you feel. It isn’t that you want to go out or hit the gym every five minutes, but the fact that to do so requires timing, preparation & once you’re out you are watching the clock to head back again. My only suggestion is to express & freeze some milk so you’ve got a back up so you can grab some ‘me time’, and hold on to the fact your are doing something amazing for your baby and it gets much easier when you start weaning in a few months time x

[Heartofglass12345]

You could take the baby with you to some of these places, we used to take my first out with us for meals etc until he was quite old and had a certain bed time. When he was small he would just sleep in his car seat or one of us would hold/ feed him. It is hard though even if you arent breast feeding a big shock i think

[QueenJane]

Our DS is 5 months now, EBF. I go to the gym/swimming, but lucky enough to have a crèche facility there. I do go out on my own when DH is here, just make sure I feed him before I go. Expressed and DH gave bottles so that I could have some nights out with the girls. I don't think it's restrictive. I like going for walks with DS in a carrier knowing I can just plonk down on a bench or a rock and feed him without carrying bottles of milk.

[QueenJane]

Should add, I struggled with expressing too, but I froze every drop and then had enough for some free time every week or so.

[NerrSnerr]

I’m exclusively breastfeeding my 6 month old. He’s my second baby. With my first I expressed so I could do stuff but I was so knackered it wasn’t often. With this one I’m too lazy to express. I’ll swim etc by feeding him first so I then have at least an hour spare. Same with activities with my eldest.

Not many mums I know are away from their babies for long however they’re feeding them.

[BellyBean]

There are baby cinema sessions if that's any consolation? With you though, DD2 is 7 weeks and I feel I'm attached to a bungee cord. She's coming with me to do the nursery run, rain or shine whether she's wanting a sleep or a play regardless.

[BumWad]

Ha ha!

I didn’t leave the house for around 12 months after I had DS.

Regardless of breastfeeding I think you need to seriously lower your expectations

[PeppersTheCat]

My friends are in their 30s.

I couldn't live with the guilt of ff when I know I am capable of bf. Just feeling frustrated and needed to let off some weepy newmum steam.

Watching my bloke nip to the office whenever he feels like it, doesn't help.

[QueenJane]

If I was able to have a whole Saturday free for a shopping spree, I wouldn't be shopping. I'd be in bed, listening to the silence

[2014newme]

Speak to your health visitor about possible post natal Depression.
Hope you are able feel better soon

[Somerville]

If you really prioritised it, you'd be able to get enough milk, almost certainly. The issue (for me at least) is that it's so time consuming that it ends up more work than the reward of some child-free time.
I'm sitting in a train right now, on way to unavoidable appointment, having left my 4 week old with DH. It took 6 evenings to express enough for a trial run and for this afternoon. And baby is still not keen on the bottle teat so might need to be spoon fed.

For essential, child-free meeting? Just about doable. For a gym class or cinema? No way!

[MonkeyJumping]

7 weeks is still so so early.

What I can say is at 9 months my EBF baby happily takes a bottle of expressed milk or formula if I want to go out, and breastfeeding is really easy and quick.

Hang in there! At 7 weeks baby is still feeding loads to build up your supply, but things get much better after about 12 weeks.

[PeppersTheCat]

Yes Somerville the hassle of expressing negates the reward.

[Sistersofmercy101]

OP the way you're feeling is normal - regardless of feeding method. It seems like all other new mums have taken birth and a new baby in their stride carrying on glamorously regardless... It's not true - it's smoke and mirrors, all new mothers have a serious adjustment (is this my life now) (what happened to my life?) moments. Honest. I had this every single time but it gets easier! I ebf three btw and I don't regret it even though I wish I'd had a penny for every time I damn near quit in exhausted frustration! :) good luck 🍀 and congratulations on your beautiful baby!

[ElizabethShaw]

The guilt of ff? How ridiculous.

You can go out for a couple of hours without the baby. If you want to go out for more than three hours alone then express or give formula. It doesn't have to be a drama.

[TwoDrifters]

Most cinemas do a parent-and-baby session. Two of my happiest maternity leave memories are watching films in the darkness, cosily snuggled up in a big old chair with my baby feeding away and sleeping whenever they wanted to…