breastfeeding getting me down

[Vmama]

i have a nearly 6 wk DS who i have been bf. its never been easy -problems latching on thru to bleeding cracked nipples and for a while i cried at most feeds and dreaded the next. recently -last couple of wks things have improved and i felt proud to have stuck with it despite lots of people telling me to give up. last night i visited a friend with a 4 day old ds and saw her bf with no problems/pain etc it was so different to my own experience and while pleased for her made me feel low about my own bfeeding.

then when i got home we had a bad feed -lots of thrashing about tugging at breast and pain when latching on. the tears came again and wouldnt stop -especially when dh who has been amazing throughout said -do you need the pillow still? and saying that my friend was doing it without and maybe that would help. i kno he meant well but just compounded my feelings of failure.

i ended up going to bed crying and still feel really low. do you think some women and their babes just aren't meant to bf?

please dont suggest a lac cons ive seen one twice and there was nothing she could suggest to improve things.

[DimpledThighs]

you are doing so well - it is like this sometimes - tiring, stressful and you feel like it just isn't meant to work but it is and it will.

There are all kinds of reasons - his body your body etc. but it will pass and be fine again.

Well done for getting this far - you have done a wonderful thing for your baby.

Hope more advice comes soon.

[Tatties]

Which organisation was the lac consultant from? I'm wondering whether you could get someone different to help you?

Is the pain just at latching on? Or do you have sore nipples / breasts at other times?

FWIW, I found bf difficult for at least 6-7 wks before it started to get easier. Some people are just lucky and find it goes smoothly from day one. Doesn't mean you aren't cut out for breastfeeding. Well done for sticking at it.

[DimpledThighs]

i used a pillow for about 6 months

[Vmama]

thats exactly it one step forward 2 back. some days all seems fine then others its horrible. know i shouldn't compare but it fels so unfair that we struggle after such a tough birth too (36 hrs then section after failed ventouse)

[shonaspurtle]

You are not alone. Really, you're not.

I know of a couple of people who had no problems feeding their first baby (more found it easier with subsequent babies). Everyone else found it really hard for at least a couple of weeks, mostly longer than that.

I am so of women who find it easy! However I am now finally finding it totally hassle-free and am so glad I stuck with it. I would say it was a good 12 weeks before I started really getting the benefits (of course ds was getting the benefits from day 1)

I had good days and then a bad feed would happen and really knock my confidence. I do know how you feel but it will get easier and easier, the bad feeds will get further apart and you will start finding it the easiest, most convenient thing in the world!

Btw - the bad feeds never completely stop because babies are contrary little things but it would be just the same if you were bottle feeding.

Keep posting on here. It's great for support or just having a moan.

[shonaspurtle]

Oh, and I'm still using a pillow!

[InTheHouse]

Why would it matter if you're using a pillow or not? Not an issue at all. You need to be relaxed ...its not easy; I don't know anyone who found it "easy"

But don't despair because you've done so well. The amount of times people said to me "give him a bottle" or words to that effect...& I would have done if I really thought it necessary but I didn't and now after 5 months I'm chuffed that I did srtick with it. Soemtimes they do thrash about etc. remember you need to rest & eat loads of cakes & just see the feeding as your job for a while...soon you'll do it without a thoughtx

[katierocket]

vmama - no time to post proper reply - will try later - but just to say, well done you for sticking with it, you should be proud of yourself and it will get easier. Equally don't drive yourself mad with it if it's making you unhappy.

[GandWJ]

I don't think that using a pillow means you are a failure at all.
You've already done 6 weeks of bf which is a huge success.

[mears]

vmama - there is something importanmt you have said about the pillow. Until recently I always gave mums a pillow to lay their baby on before atrting a feed. I have recently done a breastfeeding update and it is now recognised that it is not necessarily the right thing to do. The baby should be attached to the breast and then, if need be, a pillow shopuld be inserted if there is a space. The reason for that is that the baby may well not be in the right position to get attached to the breast properly. The baby needs to be at the 'angle of the dangle' of the breast. FOr women with bigger breasts that may mean that the baby needs to be lying on the mothers knees. Putting a pillow below the baby in that case will mean that the baby cannot attach properly which can lead to sore nipples and problems with effective feeding.

Could it be that the pillow is actually causing you problems? What do you think? Have a look at where your nipples are pointing before you feed again. If they are pointing downwards, it may be the pillow is a problem. Let me know what you think.

[frazzledfairy]

you have done really well to get this far, well done

however (and not saying your baby is one of these!) but i do believe that some babies will not bf, i've had two of them! i gave up (trying to) bf at 12 days with ds1 and about 4 weeks with ds2. it was a horrendous time and i felt the same as you seeing other mums feeding their babies with no probs. it is very dispiriting and upsetting.

eventually i decided that i wasn't actually enjoying my babies and they both went onto formula with no probs and looked at me as if to say at last she's finally got the message! (they both slept fantastically too)

they are happy healthy boys, ds1 is 6 and ds2 is 7 months. (and i am a happy mum!)

having said all that i am expecting no 3 in nov so who knows what will happen then

good luck with whatever you decide

[PavlovtheCat]

Vmama - you have done, and continue to do fantastically. BF is not always easy. Mostly it is not easy to start with. Some people, like your friend, have been lucky to get it sorted so quickly, it is not like that for many many people.
It is a learning process for you, and for your baby, and it takes time, and a lot of patience and perserverence on your part (and a lot of tears too). Your baby, although has instincts to feed, still has to learn how to do it effectively, but it will happen. If it is getting better, then hopefully the bad nights will becomes less and less frequent.

When you feel down, think about what a wonderful thing you have done for your baby. Also, if in the long run, you really really feel you cannot continue, do not feel guilty. Even only one day BF gives your child essential antibodies.

Good luck, and well done

[2HappyEaster]

I haven't read the entire thread, but

1. congratulations on making it so far when it hasn't been easy
   
2. IME it is easy far less often than it is difficult, your friend doesn't know how lucky she is (esp if this is her 1st baby).
   
3. I continued to use a pillow with ds1 until he self-weaned at 15m, and find it very hard if I am out to feed without it again with ds2. Horses for courses, the most improtant thing for successful bfing is that you and ds are both comfortable.
   
4. I presume the lac cons checked for a tongue tie - I ask because ds2 thrashed like a...well a very thrashy thing, I didn't notice he was TT until he was 6w (and no-one else spotted it either). Had it snipped on tuesday and he no longer thrashes

[fridascruffs]

6 weeks- you're nearly there! Don't give up now, at least give it, say, another three weeks and see how you feel then. I'm sure it'll be getting easier by then.
Instant help with pain: I used nipple protectors whem it got too painful, after the first 2 or 3 months I didn't need them anymore, but they were a life saver when I couldn't face that nipple-trapped-in-the-doorjamb feeling again. They're about two pounds in Boots for a pair (Boots' own brand).

[bramblina]

Vmama I'm so sorry you're having a hard time of it. I just want to add I had no pain till about day 5 or 6, so maybe your friend just hadn't got there yet! And once I got over it- not till about 8 weeks, totally, it was bliss. I fed ds for 13 months and it has been one of the most rewarding things I have done. I just want to say you are possibly in the worst part, and maybe things can only get better? Sending you luck.

[terramum]

Vmama - are you still experiencing pain during & after feeds? It wasnt clear from your post.

[Vmama]

thanks for the support everyone

pain is for the first few seconds and then if my nipple is particualrly sore it hurts at every suck but mainly just the fist few seconds -apparently according to Lac Cons he has a particualrly strong suck!

[bramblina]

At times it seemed my ds could hold himself on if I were to stand up and let go of him, his suck seemed so strong (!), and before having him my nipples were very sensitive so I remeber how incredibly sore it could be. However you soon become used to it and it's amazing how things change! I hope this is the case for you. Good luck.

[amiandlils]

Vmama you have done brilliantly to get this far - I know plenty of people would have given up way before now.

Have you thought about expressing milk and offering it to him in a bottle? Mainly to give your poor boobs a break but also so you can see whether he's actually happier drinking from a bottle? You could then maybe make a more objective decision about the way forward?

I have learnt this time around that motherhood is all about acceptance - that some babies simply don't do what it says on the tin.

You mustn't feel like you've failed if you give up - happy mum equals happy baby IMO and that's whats most important.

[chocolatekimmy]

Please don't give up - you have come so far. Before you know it, it will be pain/hassle free and you will both love it.

My third even, born last July, took about 11 weeks to become established and for me to actually start enjoying it. I went through the soreness/mastitis/cracked nipples/thrush etc. I was the same for the first two babies.

I have finally accepted that its not me, the baby has to learn and get used to it as well. I knew what i was doing fgs.

But, its very hard to feel positive when you are having problems and feeling tired and maybe a bit low etc.

It is so worth it to carry on and you will have a great sense of fulfilment and satisfaction when it does click into place. Re your friend, some people just seem to get lucky early on - don't compare.

I still use a pillow or cushion now at 8.5 months, just really comfortable for us both (or lying down in bed).

[Vmama]

thank you all -we've had a better night tonight -wondering if he's having a growth spurt as fed him 9 times today and when he hasn't been feeding he's been crying which is unusual for him.

Amazing how when it goes ok you feel so much more positive and definitely tiredness is a factor especially as there has been noisy building work next door for the last 8 weeks from 8am til 4ish meaning I get no quiet time to rest.

i do express enough for DH to do one bottle at night and at weekend did 2 bottles so we could go out for the day -it helps

[ilovethis]

You're doing well Vmama, take it one feed at a time. I had absolutely no problems at all with DD1 and thought it would be just as easy with DD2. While i havent had any major problems it hasnt been as easy or enjoyable. I had a nasty infected scratch on one nipple last week and every feed was agonising, i felt like apologising to every woman who has ever suffered from cracked nipples and given up bfeeding because of it - i thought they were just being a bit wet [shame][shame][shame]. The building noise certainly cant help you to relax either...