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Why isn't it getting any easier?

(10 Posts)
guinea36 Tue 30-May-17 20:56:39

Just hoping to get a bit of support really as I've had a tough day!
My baby is 12 weeks and has been ebf but I feel at the point of jacking it all in. Just been to a baby group where all the little ones of a similar age are all feeding perfectly and it's making me a bit down. In contrast we've had problems from the start. Each time I think it's getting easier there is a new drama. Really struggled with latch for a while, then DD was diagnosed with tongue tie at six weeks and once that was sorted things started to improve albeit slowly. Feeding is no longer at all painful the problem now is getting her to feed at all. There is no pattern to it and she rarely signals that she is hungry. I offer the breast she goes crazy and screams before she has even gone anyway near it. This has been going on for weeks now. Eventually she will feed but often only after long gaps or only after I have wrestled her on. When she clearly isn't hungry I leave it but there have been times when she clearly desperately wants to eat but won't go near the breast! She also used to feed happily out and about but now it's virtually impossible to get her take a feed at all outside the house which is quite restrictive. It probably doesn't help that she is very long 97th percentile and 80th for weight and am very uncoordinated! Her weight gain is ok but I still find the huge gaps and the fear that she is about to stop feeding completely really stressful.
I'm guessing it's a phase but wondered if anyone else has gone through this?
Am going to loads of feeding clinics but they haven't been able to help. At a recent one the lady told me that it should be getting easier for me by now - which didn't do a lot to help me!
I don't want to stop just yet having gone this far but really could do with some reassurance that things will get better!

Writerwannabe83 Wed 31-May-17 02:13:30

I found when my one started doing this at about 15 weeks it was because his gums were starting to get swollen/red from the start of teething and his frustration was that feeding actually hurt him so he would go crazy if I tried to latch him on.

I found using teething powders/creams regularly and on really bad days using Calpol, helped significantly and I tried to time their usage around the times I wanted to feed him.

I'm not saying your baby is having the same issue but it's something to bear in mind?

SarahOoo Wed 31-May-17 02:50:29

I feel for you, my situation is slightly different but the frustration and upset is probably similar! Baby girl is 7 weeks, has a severe posterior tongue (getting fixed this week). This has meant extremely painful BFing. My breasts are also absolutely huge so feeding in public has been somewhat hard going. Similar to you she can sometimes just refuse to latch on and gets all stressed....making me stressed too. Due to these things I have been combination feeding for the last few weeks and it's been so liberating. Firstly I don't stress when I'm out, every feed out in public is now formula. It also means that if my nipples hurt I'll switch over to give them a break and she still gets the best of both worlds.

I'm lucky that she goes from bottle to breast and vice versa of course. However an idea for you to consider. Also means you can have a break generally, even go out without baby! This one point is important to me, even as much as I wanted to become a mum I really missed the old me a lot more than I realised.

Best of luck with it all.

bf1000 Wed 31-May-17 07:54:39

Tongue tie cut at 6 weeks means that you are only really 6 weeks in of nursing without complications. Nursing 6 weeks with a tongue tie would be very hard. First 6 weeks can be hard with no tongue tie. So think of how brilliant you have done to get this far with all the difficulties you faced. It will now get easier, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but soon it will start to get easier. There will be days that will challenge you at different times of your nursing journey but overall as they grow it does get simpler.

You say weight gain is fine, and that baby is on a high centile it may be that baby isnt needing to nurse as frequently now as since tongue tie removal baby is able to get enough milk during the sessions they do nurse.when supply meets the demand baby can reduce feeds for a while until they start needing more and then they will up sessions again.

Teething can effect nursing so try some teething gels and see if that helps. Skin to skin cuddles when at home.

I remember worrying over simular with my first, questioning everything from supply to weight gain but if weight gain is OK and baby is having wet nappies and generally alert and healthy everything that indicates that everything is going well.

Nursing starts to get painful it would be worth checking tongue tie hasn't re-attached as a friend of mine has just had this happen

guinea36 Wed 31-May-17 08:50:13

Thank you! We had a few Ok feeds through the night but they were all a bit of a struggle! She keeps breaking off to posit, break wind and smile ! It's then a fight to get her back on. She seems happy so I guess things can't be all that wrong! X

SarahOoo Wed 31-May-17 09:50:05

I forgot to ask too, are you feeding on demand? My baby girl also needs winding mid feed sometimes on the breast as she pulls and stretches (extra ouchy!).

SarahOoo Wed 31-May-17 10:06:13

Sorry I should rephrase that as you said she doesn't show signs of hunger....when you offer it to her how long after her last feed was it?

DoubleHelix79 Wed 31-May-17 10:31:35

Slightly leftfield question, but does she sleep ok during the day? My DD (also 12 weeks) does something simular when she's overtired. I think she can't really distinguish 'I'm hungry and miserable' and 'I'm tired and miserable'. She'll scream at the boob, then finally calm down and feed, or latch on and off. She's not a great napper so it's a common occurrence.

NewMumSept2014 Sun 04-Jun-17 20:52:19

Hi, no real advice but my 13wk old FF baby has just started doing exactly the same thing. Its really stressing me out!

Newtothis11 Tue 06-Jun-17 11:10:08

My DS feeds differently at different times. The first feed of the day is wriggly with lots of breaking off and smiling (very cute) I think he's just pleased to see me properly?! Other times he feeds beautifully- and others fussy usually when tired or my breast is full and he struggles with the fast flow. The only time he refuses is when he's overtired. It's taken me a while to work out his ways (eg. When he was younger he would fuss and cry - now he pulls off and milk is spurting out- I didn't know this when he was smaller as he didn't come off).

Are there any patterns? Have you tried experimenting with gaps between feeds? Making them shorter and longer. Do you think DD is too tired to feed?

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