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I want to stop BF 15 month old

(14 Posts)
TeaTeaTea Wed 08-Feb-17 19:20:42

My DS is 15months, only has a bedtime 'feed' (it's hardly a feed, lasts the length of a story). I am actually all for BF older babies and other than fact it means I have to be the one to put him to bed, it doesn't bother me.
Except I'm now 3months pregnant, I know DS is only BF-ing for the comfort/routine, not for nutrition (he LOVES his food so eats plenty in the day) and he doesn't use it to fall asleep, I often tiptoe out the room with him chattering to his teddy!

I've read all the tips and posts and KNOW what I should be doing (change the bedtime routine, offer milk from his cup) but I lost my stamina this evening. I was all set with some boob-temperature milk in his cup, he drank half of it leaning against me but then threw it down and grappled for my breast. And I gave in.

I dropped his morning feed quite quickly by giving a beaker of milk and just not sitting down with him - he couldn't reach my top and so had no choice but to drink the alternative milk I gave him. At nighttime though - boob is right there! No wonder he gets upset.

I've been so determined and successful in the past when I was sleep-training and then when dropping my other feeds - why am I making such a meal out of this and loosing all confidence that I can drop this nursing?

Jenniferb21 Wed 08-Feb-17 19:30:09

It's like anything you don't want to be mean when your baby wants something you want to give it to them.

I think I would approach this by having daddy put him to bed. Maybe I would do a story and then daddy would do milk and book or final cuddle etc. This may make it easier for a couple of weeks for him to realise he doesn't have a BF anymore.

The other thing is why do you want to stop now? You could do it until he's 2 (ish) and you have your second baby. Is this because deep down you don't want to stop yet? Don't feel you have to is all I'm saying.

Hope that helps. Whatever you decide I applaud you for BF so long. I couldn't go past 5 months with my DS I was exhausted and he had a few teeth ouch! X

TeaTeaTea Thu 09-Feb-17 12:09:35

Thanks for your suggestion, I'll give that a go tonight, story then DH to sit quietly while he drinks the mik and then into bed. Fingers crossed!!

I want to stop because I don't want to tandam-feed with a newborn come late summer. DS only feeds at his bedtime and so means I'm the only one who can put him to bed, when baby arrives I just feel I'll be stretching myself to be in two places at once. Also I'd rather stop now than say a couple of weeks before his new sibling arrives as that could be horrible for DS to see a new baby nursing from me but have me say no to him :-(

Ahh yes the teeth can be another factor!! I screamed in pain the once and DS thought it was funny so did it again on PURPOSE! oOO, childbirth was less painful!

teaandbiscuitsforme Thu 09-Feb-17 16:35:32

Could you leave it a couple of months, so when you're 6 months? I found DD had so much more understanding by 18 months that it was much easier to tackle (we were night weaning).

JustHavinABreak Thu 09-Feb-17 16:50:18

DS2 was 25 months when I stopped because at that stage I was 4 months pregnant with DD. I wanted to stop for all the same reasons and also because for some odd reason it had become really uncomfortable (possibly hormone related?) The answer for us was in Daddy doing bedtime for a bit until the habit was broken. Throughout the whole process, cuddling was hard because he was always looking for the boob. One day I just told him they weren't working anymore and much to my surprise he accepted that!! Currently feeding a newborn now and loving it 😀

Couldashouldawoulda Thu 09-Feb-17 16:54:03

If you continue, you may well find he stops by himself when your milk dries up later in pregnancy. My DS stopped at 20 months, all by himself, when I was about 6 weeks away from giving birth.

TeaTeaTea Thu 09-Feb-17 19:20:38

Well just had a very unsuccessful bedtime (as in had to go back to drawing board and use boob). DH was completely unhelpful & uselessangry

Admittedly DH has never put DS to bed before because I've always fed it has been me.
I read story and DS paid attention, I then kissed him goodnight, handed him to Daddy for cuddle and milk and meltdown occured as I walked out the room. DH tried but couldn't soothe him. So I went back in, beaker of milk was thrown and only boob was needed (obviously - I understand - why have cup of milk when my boob is there?)

All snappy with DH now. Trying to think of a new scenario with DH out the picture because he hasn't the patience or stamina.

I could feed for longer like suggested above. Would giving DS milk downstairs then up for quick story and bed work I wonder? They'd be tears as DS won't be as calm as he is with boob.
Sorry for long post - think it's more of a rant!

teaandbiscuitsforme Thu 09-Feb-17 19:55:06

What's your routine? Could you do BF/story and then DH take over to do bath, cup of milk & bed. So get used to not BF to sleep before working towards dropping the last feed in a couple of months?

TeaTeaTea Fri 10-Feb-17 17:49:53

I currently bath, then dress into PJ's, story while I feed and bed.
DH has never put DS down to bed so DH has no confidence and this feeds through to our son so he gets all unsettle and upset. He's a typical 'fun' Dad too - whooping and chasing before bed no matter how many times I say he needs to keep calm, just doesn't get it.

Afraid I really feel I'm on my own with this task, everytime I've tried to enlist DH's help it's like taking one step back. I'm not being controlling either - I ASK DH's advise and he just shrugs, so I agree with him what we should do, he faffs around at the plan, gives up and then tells me I should've done it another way!!

teaandbiscuitsforme Fri 10-Feb-17 17:55:13

My DH used to be similar because he worked away all week so bath time was fun time!

I don't know what to suggest really. Quick solution might be going out for the night and leaving DH to it? Or go slowly, let DH do bath time, then you do feed & story for a month or two then before moving the story with you to before the bath and downstairs and leave DH does everything upstairs. But you have to stay out of the way!

I've found my DH is much more aware of calming things down now he has to do it himself!

TeaTeaTea Fri 10-Feb-17 18:10:18

That is true - DH acts like he does because he loves the reaction he gets from DS (squeals of joy and laughter) but the outcome is he too wired for bed then - which DH doesn't have to deal with!
I'll see if he does the bath tonight... :-) Will give me a start!

BertieBotts Fri 10-Feb-17 19:04:13

Yes. You've got to either get his full support or throw him in at the deep end and just MAKE him do it. Or accept that it's always going to be your responsibility and manage accordingly.

Don't ask his advice - you can go at it from a sympathy angle, explaining that you've had to work out from scratch what settles him and it's okay if he doesn't get it right straight away as long as he stays firm - or you can just be blunt and say no, DH, I've done it every night for over a year, it's your turn now.

If you can actually go out or make yourself otherwise inaccessible, just for an hour or so (friend, neighbour, gym, coffee shop with a book??) he won't be able to give up and come and get you. I predict it would take approximately three nights, maximum a week.

TeaTeaTea Sat 11-Feb-17 21:58:43

I've done two nights so far with success....but do seemed to have introduced a new sleep habit - cuddle to sleep!

DS has milk downstairs in his PJ's listening to the bedtime story on TV (he doesn't but it creates a really calm atmosphere regardless of how much he wants to jump around). I then take him upstairs, look through a book together, he still pretty active at this point but soon as I turn the light off and pick DS up he goes still and puts his head on my shoulder.
I cuddle to calm him down then put him in his cot. Just happy to have broken the need to have boob (Mummy!) to fall asleep.

hearyoume Sat 11-Feb-17 22:02:01

I buggered off on a spa break with my friends and went cold turkey after trying everything else. DD was 2 and was not taking the hint. When I planned the trip I'd assumed she'd be weaned by then. She wasn't, I went and she was fine. My poor boobs suffered more than she did.

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