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Sore and can't cope anymore

(16 Posts)
tillytubby Sun 05-Feb-17 09:29:24

My baby is nearly six weeks and feeding is still so sore especially at night. He won't sleep during the day unless we go out in the car seat and at night he wants to be latched on all night so we are co sleeping.
I'm not getting any breaks from feeding as it's just constant during the day. Feeding lying down is so painful but I can't get him to sleep off me so I can't see any other way to get sleep at night. Even doing this all I get is an hour or so.

His weight gain is steady on the 2nd percentile and he has lots of wet and dirty nappies. We have a tongue tie appointment next week, could this solve it?

I have a 3.5year old who is missing out on his mummy because I am either glued to the sofa or he is in childcare.

I am so close to giving into formula but the thought of doing that makes me depressed as I mix fed my son due to problems and felt like a failure because of it.

I thought it would all be different second time round but can feel myself sliding into despair and like I'm just not meant to be doing this.

Heirhelp Sun 05-Feb-17 09:42:06

I gave up at this time due to latch issues. DD tongue tie was resolved but it did not make any difference. A Mum is more than a cow and I am a much better mum due to formula feeding but I still struggled with my decision.

Tongue tie correction may help. Have you tried nipple shields for now?

It has to be your decision to continue or give up or mixed feed. You need to decide what is best for your family but you can put the decision off for a week and then reconsider,

Minispringroll Sun 05-Feb-17 12:43:31

I understand how hard it is with all the "brest is best" propaganda around. Thing is, giving formula doesn't make you a failure. I would imagine it's much better for a baby to have a happy mum.

DS is also six weeks old. He's been permanently attached to me for the past two nights. Apparently, there's a growth spurt at this point and this might be the reason why he's so fussy. DS was sleeping ok before this...for roughly 3 hours in one go, in his own cot, and is slowly going back to it. He's currently happily giggling and staring at the toys above his bouncer.
Have you tried a bedside cot or a sleepyhead?

I breastfeed when I can (as in, my nipples are happy to oblige) and he gets the bottle with formula at other times. I decided to mix-feed when he was about 4 weeks old and we went through an episode of thrush, followed by mastitis. I also found nights particularly difficult before that and was just exhausted and in pain. Since alternating breast/formula, I feel so much happier. We're able to leave the house; I don't feel like I dread feeding my baby anymore; DH is able to have him and I get some time to have a bath, etc. I don't feel like a failure. He's still getting breastmilk.

MoodyOne Mon 06-Feb-17 13:17:07

I was on day 4 and was so sore I was about to give up , (I bought bottle steriliser and formula) and my MW suggested nipple shields until my nipples healed ... LIFE CHANGER ... I'm on day 22 and it's amazing , I still use them at the moment but I'm more confident and in a better place so I'm off to a breast feeding clinic tomorrow to sort out his latch but they honestly made BF possible for me x

FuckTheDailyMail Mon 06-Feb-17 13:19:14

I don't have much practical advice but if breastfeeding is important to you, could you push on till the tongue tie appointment and see what sort of difference that makes?

If the thought of 'pushing on' any further at all is too much to bear - maybe let yourself off the hook now? The advantages of breastfeeding are real but they're fairly small in scale. A happy coping mum is more important.

measles64 Mon 06-Feb-17 13:23:28

Having had three babies, do not beat yourself up about it. Get some formula and give your boobs a break at night. I did and successfully breastfed all three for as long as they wanted. I had blisters on my nipples with the first one, have had mastitis, anyone in the profession who tells you it is natural and easy needs to own up to how hard it can be imo.

pileoflaundry Mon 06-Feb-17 13:33:23

Every feed is really hard if you are sore. I remember counting down the feeds until the tongue tie release. You are not failing!

Do you have any possibility to bring the tongue tie appointment forward? Could you call every day / twice a day for cancellations? Is there a group clinic or senior MW or lactation consultant or volunteer near you who would be able to diagnose?

cookiefiend Mon 06-Feb-17 13:39:47

It sounds really hard. If you think you will be depressed about giving up (there is nothing wrong with formula, but I know myself I felt terrible when I thought I might have to give up) then do try and hold out for the tongue tie appointment. I made a huge difference for DD2- almost instantly.

Until it was fixed, I expressed after most feeds (I am terrible and hardly ever get much) and was able to top up an extra 120 mls a day which seemed to help. Could you try that until next week?

Also it is hard to hear when you are six weeks in, but do try to be kind to yourself. If you have to give formula so be it- your child with thrive.

cookiefiend Mon 06-Feb-17 13:45:05

Also- one thing that helped me. At six weeks skipping just one feed will not damage your supply. So you could get your DP to give a bottle one evening and try and get four or five hours of solid sleep yourself. It doesn't sound like much, but when a midwife gave me "permission" to do that with DD1 I felt sooooo much better.

Lack of sleep is a killer and makes everything else so hard to bear. A period of uninterrupted sleep have me the energy I needed to go on until it all got better.

Note3 Mon 06-Feb-17 13:48:36

With my first BFING didn't get noticably better til about 6-7 wks. It was better with subsequent babies and improve quicker. I swear by lansinoh ointment which you can buy in pharmacy or get free on prescription. Put on nipples before a feed as reduces friction and then after to heal cracks.

Look into a sling group as they can help you find a sling to baby wear which can reduce the babies need to feed as they get the closeness they crave and sleep more without you having to nurse. You can also nurse in a sling if you get one that suits you

RNBrie Mon 06-Feb-17 13:48:57

Do you have £100 or so? If you do, you can probably find a private tongue tie person to come today or tomorrow and have a look.

My dc were all tongue tied and with two of them our feeding issues were resolved immediately and my nipples went from bleeding to better in about 48 hours.

I wouldn't want to wait until next week if I had to do it again, that's a long time of excruciating pain to get through.

If you're near South West London I can recommend a couple of people to try.

hethajf Mon 06-Feb-17 13:55:47

Is he actually feeding all night or is he comforting? If it's the latter, you could try a dummy to give your nipples a break?
I think it's already been mentioned but there is a growth spurt at 6 weeks (I think they are 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 3 months and 6 months, something like that) my DD was constantly feeding for about a week on each of these and then we were back into a 'normal' routine almost bang on 7 days each time.
Have you considered giving him a bottle at night? It doesn't have to be formula, you could express a bottle and give that to him instead of breastfeeding (or your partner could do the honours to give you a break). I found that my milk supply was a lot lower in the evening so DD would cluster feed for AGES. I expressed a bottle in the morning, whilst by boobs were bulging! And then her dad gave her the bottle and put her to bed whilst I had a bath 👍🏻 after a while, the evening bottle turned into a bottle of formula for us.
Hopefully the tongue tie issue will be rectified and help a bit although I have no experience of this. Good luck!

NoraDora Mon 06-Feb-17 14:00:30

I second the private tongue tie appointment. Where are you roughly?

My lo had a tongue tie and it was snipped at a week old. The difference is unbelievable. Feeding doesn't hurt, I'm not having to top up and he latches well from most angles.

Don't beat yourself up about using formula though. It won't ruin him. I used formula until lo was 10 days and I don't feel guilty.

Jojobythesea Mon 06-Feb-17 14:12:14

This is what stopped me giving up. (You can ask the doc and get it on prescription) Slather it on after every feed. Saying that though. Don't beat yourself up about it. If you end up using formula and everyone is happy and fed it's all ok. flowers

hethajf Mon 06-Feb-17 14:32:57

I second the Lansinoh! I put it on before every feed as well as after, a tube lasts ages too. Also, are you sure you don't have thrush? I had a stabbing pain and sort of peeling with it, it was awful but very quickly cleared up with a bit of daktarin xx

doublerainbow31 Tue 07-Feb-17 00:20:37

You sound like me a month ago. ur baby and toddler need u to bd happy and rested. i expressed and topped up for a few days to allow my nipples to heal and it made such a difference! The reason baby was constantly feeding was bcause he wasnt getting enough and the top ups satisfied him - he'd take between 20 and 60. A month later nipples have healed and baby doesnt want top ups but will take a fprmula bottle oe when got to get other child to school. best of both worlds. i too had guilt about older child going onto form at 3 months but u wouldnt know, she's icredibly healthy and happy. ur baby wants fed and wont mind if it's breast or bottle. why dont u start by adding in 1 or 2 bottle feeds and that way baby is mainly bf.Even if u just stick with 1 or 2 bfeeds baby is still benefitting and hopefully it'll gradually cug down ur guilt. x

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