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Want to exclusively FF

(367 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

justpoppingintosayhello Sun 05-Feb-17 00:41:13

I'm being made to feel inferior because I want to formula feed my baby, how do I carry on with this? I'm being made to feel bad because of my choices. sad

MommaGee Sun 05-Feb-17 00:43:57

I think if you want to do, its your choice but ensure you know why, what the benefits personally are etc as you'll inevitability get lots of arguments to the contrary

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Sun 05-Feb-17 00:45:40

Don't discuss it with anyone just do what you want to with your own baby.

OldTownNew Sun 05-Feb-17 00:47:01

I don't think it's anyone else's business how you choose to feed your baby! As long as baby is fed that should be all that matters, you do what's right for your family and ignore what other people say

Strokethefurrywall Sun 05-Feb-17 00:48:28

"I want to formula feed, it's nobody else's business."

Practice saying it in a firm voice. You don't owe any explanation to ANYONE as to your reasons, least of all being made to feel inferior or guilty for doing so.

MommaGee Sun 05-Feb-17 00:50:05

I wasn't suggesting she explained to people just that she be clear in her own mind so wen the inevitable opinions come she doesn't doubt herself. As much as its no one else's opinion we all know OP will get Breast is Best comments -lectures-

OneWithTheForce Sun 05-Feb-17 00:52:37

The secret is to realise that it literally does not matter a jot what anyone else thinks about it. And in reality, very, very few people care how you feed your child. Think of all the babies you know and have known in your life. now think of how they were fed. Are you struggling? Probably. Because you really didn't spend much time thinking about how other people's babies were fed, did you? Why? Because it was none of your business. Just like your baby is nobody else's business. And like I said, nobody really cares. In a year, no-one will be sitting seething about you having FF your baby. Trust me. Feed him/her how you like. It really doesn't matter.

Namechangeinto2017 Sun 05-Feb-17 00:55:29

I exclusively formula feed, it's completely your choice.

I just ignore any comments just remember fed is best and a happy mum makes for a happy baby.

VocalDuck Sun 05-Feb-17 01:03:42

Are you sure you aren't projecting your own feelings here? Breastfeed or formula feed (like the vast majority of mothers in the U.K. do, hence our stats), it is entirely up to you.

PleasantPhesant Sun 05-Feb-17 01:06:26

I exclusively fed my second dc as bf made me completely exhausted with our first dc and I couldn't see how I'd cope with two dc being as exhausted.

I'd wake up every morning and cry because I was so tired.

So I decided to ff dc2.

I made it clear they were going to be ff and no one questioned it to my face but I was prepared to just say to them ," dc2 is going to be ff as I couldn't cope with the sleep deprivation of bf ".

It's your choice at the end of the day. You absolutely don't have to justify it to anyone

mainlywingingit Sun 05-Feb-17 01:06:33

Well there is another human involved....
Can I ask why you don't want to try breastfeeding?

Unfortunately people will judge - every parenting thing is a choice. Doesn't make it the best choice so there will be judgements.

Some parents don't put their children to bed at any set time. It's their choice, but possibly not the best choice - that's all.

mainlywingingit Sun 05-Feb-17 01:07:52

Namechange - sorry but it's not true to say fed is best. Breast feeding is best and that is an evidence based indisputable fact.

PleasantPhesant Sun 05-Feb-17 01:11:29

That last comment isn't very supportive is it mainly?

Athrawes Sun 05-Feb-17 01:11:40

If anyone questions you (and most won't openly) then say "it is actually none of your business". If they persist, say "did you not hear me? How rude!"

VocalDuck Sun 05-Feb-17 01:11:42

mainly the OP has never posted before so is probably hoping people will rise to it. Don't give him/her the satisfaction.

ItsyBitsyBikini Sun 05-Feb-17 01:12:25

Fed is best mainly I physically couldn't bf so because of that should I have let my baby starve? No I had to ff. My son is healthy and that is all I care about.
op fed is best. If you want to ff, please do so. Bf is not for everyone and some people cannot do it or will not do it, as long as your baby is fed I don't really see how it is anyone else's business?

OneWithTheForce Sun 05-Feb-17 01:12:49

Unfortunately people will judge

Of course people will judge. People judge all the time. you are being judged right now for things you don't even realise are a problem for some people, and you will never know it. So people will judge OP? And? Then what happens? Fuck all. Nothing, nada, zilch. They might get a warm and fuzzy feeling from their judgy knickers. But that's about it. It only affects OP if she decides to care. My advice? Decide not to.

moremoles Sun 05-Feb-17 01:16:16

Who's making you feel bad? What is it they're doing?

I think sometimes health professionals and bf advocates are between a rock and a hard place. Of course it's ultimately your choice, but it's their job / role / responsibility to make sure that you're making an informed one.

You may well be really well informed; you may know all the benefits of breastfeeding and be choosing ff for 'robust' reasons. But many people are not; many choose not to bf because they mistakenly think it (for example) doesn't make a difference to baby / isn't that different from formula / is doomed from the start if you have a big baby / means you can't drink alcohol / will hurt / means dad can't bond / gives you saggy boobs or stretch marks / leads to poorer sleep etc.

Health professionals need to share information and give advice so that people aren't making their choices based on misinformation. I think sometimes they can be trying to do the right thing but it's perceived as judgment or being patronising - the whole issue of infant feeding is charged and sensitive.

If it's health professionals who are making you feel bad then maybe you could say something like "I do understand there are lots of benefits to breastfeeding but for our situation I've decided it's not the right choice for us. I don't want to discuss it in any more detail so please can we leave it at that."

mainlywingingit Sun 05-Feb-17 01:24:55

No it's not supportive as I don't support formula milk.

Under 1% of people physically can't breastfeed and mainly bail out as it can be ridiculously hard in the first 6 weeks - thinking you don't have enough milk when it take 6 weeks for supply to settle. People are sadly mis informed and then give up thinking they can't do it when if they had had some help from a lactation consultant and perseverance they can feed.

Formula is junk in my opinion! Nothing can replace real live immunity being passed from mother to baby. Powder simply can't replicate this wonder.

mainlywingingit Sun 05-Feb-17 01:27:14

Formula does have a place of course , when the very rare circumstance that the mother can't feed (this is very rare) and babies in intensive care etc etc and for that formula serves a necessary purpose but I think it's sad it's become so everyday.

OneWithTheForce Sun 05-Feb-17 01:28:32

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ItsyBitsyBikini Sun 05-Feb-17 01:36:29

one thanks for that. I'd written a long ramble message about my experience but didn't want to give mainly the satisfaction of realising she'd upset another mum.
Feed how you want op yes bf is best (only if you can actually do it and don't have a difficult child like mine) but you do what is right for you and your baby.

AssassinatedBeauty Sun 05-Feb-17 01:37:20

Who's making you feel inferior? Is it family/friends or health care professionals?

I would decide on a stock phrase, maybe something like "formula feeding is the right choice for me and my baby in our particular circumstances", and just repeat that, broken record style, until people stop talking to you about it.

RebelRogue Sun 05-Feb-17 01:37:28

Mainly ODFOD. No one gives a shit.

kel1234 Sun 05-Feb-17 01:52:26

I chose to exclusively formula feed my baby. I was made to feel the same. The student midwife at my 37 week appointment even wanted to put that I wanted to try breastfeeding in my notes. I insisted she didn't. Just stick with it, it's your choice.
Fortunately the midwife in the birth centre was very supportive of my choice.

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