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Does DH love me less coz i breast feed??

(7 Posts)
NessMelCads Sat 24-Feb-07 19:25:56

My 2nd dd is now 8 mnths old, dh adhores dd 1 who is 26 mnths but has very little bond withh dd 2. He cannot cope with her crying and irritability. We havent been getting on at all and i feel that he doesnt realize how hard it is with 2 he gives me no credit. we dont talk and if we are talking its arguing and he has said some hatful things to me lately. Firstly, i did not bf dd 1 she was formula fed the whole time but dd 2 has been bfed the whole time. Today i noticed when i was bfing my dd2 that he was eviling dd 2 do you think or have you heard of any one getting jealous of the whole bfing thing? Why would he be and am i just making excuses coz he actually just hates me and doesnt need a reason?? Very confused and unloved.

Pitchounette Sat 24-Feb-07 20:19:50

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malaleche Sat 24-Feb-07 20:30:18

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time Ness. I bf dd1 and now am bfing dd2. Dp is much less involved with dd2 compared with dd1. He used to take dd1 out for a couple of hours just about every day and changed half the (cloth)nappies and washed them. Things are harder generally now, work and moneywise and we rarely have a civil word for each other. He does do lots of stuff with dd1 still but since i'm always bitching at him she's picked up on that and prefers me most of the time, poor man....
I think maybe you should just try and have a talk with your dp about the fact that it is so much harder with 2, i mean acknowledging that its hard for both of you, and yours are close together too! It's so hard isn't it? Good luck, sorry i've no real advice but i know what you're going through...

ghosty Sat 24-Feb-07 20:37:45

This is interesting.
When I was pg with DD I talked to DH about my intention to breastfeed excusively for as long as possible .... well, for up to a year is what I had in mind.
He wasn't keen as he said he wouldn't be able to bond with the baby like he had with DS (ff from 6 weeks) and did I think he would be able to give the new baby a bottle once a day?
Anyway, we decided to see how it went. To be honest, DH could see how well the bfing was going, and most importantly, how happy I was with doing it (big change after tears and PND with DS) ... so we let it go. I breastfed DD for a year, like I planned (She gave up, I would have carried on I believe).
Anyhoo, to get to the point ... DD is 3 now and she and DH have a PHENOMENAL bond and relationship. They are really really close. I never thought that DH would be as close to DD as he is, considering his worries about the breastfeeding, and compared to his closeness with DS (which he thought was due to his bonding with DS from the start with feeding) ...
So, what I am saying is, IT SHOULD'T AFFECT their relationship at all ...
And your DH is being and ar$e if he doesn't like YOU because you are breastfeeding. He should grow up ...

NessMelCads Sun 25-Feb-07 07:36:59

I think that men just do bond with girls especially when they are out of baby stage but because he adhores dd1 i feel Cadence will be forever following her footsteps and be 2nd best. Thing is dd1 has gorgous red hair and everyone stops to say how lovely everywhere we go but poor dd2 has brown hair and not much of it. The worse fact is that dh knows id love another some day soon and he is totally against that idea hed hate another. im just hoping that he will bond once she is over 1 and not bfing but its just so sad. Sometimes if he is alone with her she just crys and he leaves her on the floor as he watches tele. Im being very honest here i do love my dh its just he has been really unloving lately towards me and dd. He kisses cuddles and claims his undying love for dd1 daily. What happened to the love for me and dd2

malaleche Sun 25-Feb-07 08:23:57

Oh, how sad. But it also has to be said that with the 2nd one the novelty and wonder is not so great, our dd2 is just as loved as dd1 but everything she does has already been done, and ooohed and ahhed over, by dd1...

Pitchounette Sun 25-Feb-07 09:40:14

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