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At loggerheads with husband over feeding

(66 Posts)
Shadowboy Mon 28-Nov-16 00:08:22

I am desperate to make BF work. I've managed 8 days so far but have really really painful and cracked breasts. I have also been expressing enough for two feeds per day- one so I can sleep a couple of hours block at night, the other so I can go and walk dog/sort the horses out.

My husband keeps bottle feeding her but it makes her cry (I can hear her screaming when I'm upstairs trying to get 2-3 hours sleep) he's just
Given her two bottles in a row (I've just come down to feed her/relieve him of his shift) and he's just told me I have to express and that she just has colic and it's nothing wrong with the bottle. I'm convinced it's the bottles as she never screams after the boob.

My boobs are agonising but I want to try and ride through it to get to the other side to BF.

I'm not sure what to do now? If I express milk my husband will just use it in the night and I won't be able to BF. At the same time
My boobs are getting engorged. I'm so so so upset.

OohhThatsMe Mon 28-Nov-16 00:15:38

I think you should ask your health visitor for some advice, OP.

OohhThatsMe Mon 28-Nov-16 00:16:05

Best of luck - I remember how painful that is.


ElspethFlashman Mon 28-Nov-16 00:16:16

I'm very confused. You're expressing with the purpose of him giving her bottles.....but then you are getting upset by him giving her bottles?


If she is swallowing too much air with the bottles, give infacol beforehand.

Winniethepooer Mon 28-Nov-16 00:19:47

Don't express at night as that will cause over supply.
8 days is very early days.

Concentrate on today.
You can bf & walk your dog or go riding.

Express in the morning. Store in the fridge for your dp to use at night.

Speak to your H.V as well.
Good luck!

Shadowboy Mon 28-Nov-16 00:20:52

Yes I have to express enough for 2. Feeds - one in the night so I can get a little sleep (she cluster feeds at
Night) and one during the day. But my husband thinks I should stop BFI g and have her tomorrow morning's milk now (so two bottles in a row) and I've just come down to BF and he told me 'you'll just have to express instead' he seems to think that the screaming and lack of sleep (since the second bottle in a row is colic not caused by bottle feeding but just general growing pain) which I can't understand as she's never screamed after the boob.

MsMarple Mon 28-Nov-16 00:25:39

Is there a breastfeeding cafe/advice centre nearby that you can get to? The ladies at the one nearby to me saved my sanity, gave me good advice, and showed me how to get DS to latch on properly which did help with soreness. IME they were so much more useful than the health visitor for this.

JingleJangleWrangle Mon 28-Nov-16 00:27:22

Which bottles are you using? Dr. Browns made a big difference for us. Is he winding her properly after each bottle feed? They take in more air with the bottle. 8 days is very very early to be expressing. She might just be hungry after the bottle because she isn't getting enough. I think you're really going to need a lactation consultant as your supply may well not establish doing it this way. Good luck - it does get easier!

Aliveinwanderland Mon 28-Nov-16 00:31:21

8 days is very early to get into a good expressing routine as your supply isn't stable yet.

I would stop expressing for now. Expect that with an 8 day old baby you aren't going to get blocks of sleep st the minute and visit your horses in a gap between feeds.

It is very early days, the expressing won't be helping your nipples or the engorgement.

Shadowboy Mon 28-Nov-16 00:34:08

Jingle jangle- we have both DR Browns (used from first baby) and this time I'm trying MAM bottles to see if they are any good. Milk is well and truest in. I have far more than she can consume (already have some frozen) and I was feeding her 12-14 feeds in 24 hours with absolutely no signs of colic or fussiness but today I cried because of my sore nipples so my husband took it upon himself to get her off the boob completely and onto the bottle and for me to express instead.

It's very difficult to explain why I need to express bit basically because I have a toddler (who doesn't nap) I need at least a shift in the night where my husband can feed her so I can get a block of sleep and during the day I need a few hours to sort out the horses/dog/poultry etc and obviously I need to go every morning at a set time so if she needs feeding there needs to be a bottle for him to give her hence the initial expressing. If I don't do it who would do the animals??!

SpeakNoWords Mon 28-Nov-16 01:08:55

I think if you want to breastfeed then your partner needs to stop interfering and only do what you ask him to do. If you don't feed overnight a couple of times in the early days it can mean your supply doesn't properly establish. If your partner gives a bottle you will need to express at that time as well.

Why can't your partner sort the animals out if he's around to give a bottle?

JenLindleyShitMom Mon 28-Nov-16 01:33:28

Umm how big are these bottles he is feeding her?? Is there a chance he is over doing it? TBH he doesn't sound like he has done any research on infant feeding. I suggest you also speak to a breastfeeding consultant as 8 days is very early to be expressing and might cause trouble in your supply. I think you both need to get professional help. You could be causing a lot of discomfort for this baby.

JenLindleyShitMom Mon 28-Nov-16 01:34:48

Is he feeding her formula or just expressed breast milk?

OlennasWimple Mon 28-Nov-16 01:42:17

is she screaming because she is still hungry after finishing the bottle? Either because the quantity isn't enough and / or because you are only expressing the thin fore milk, not the fatty hind milk?

Do you express before or after a feed?

Graphista Mon 28-Nov-16 01:48:41

It's very early days for expressing, even if the volume is there that doesn't mean your body had tuned into the consistency/composition she needs especially if you're expressing.

As for the animals if your husband is around to give bottle feeds he can deal with the animals instead and let you get the feeding sorted.

Shadowboy Mon 28-Nov-16 01:49:09

It's just expressed milk- he gives her about 50-60 ml (2ounces approx)
So it's possible she's still hungry although midwife said this should be enough bearing in mind her small stomach capacity.
I express the left boob only at the moment due to the cracks and splits as it is too painful to feed from (again MW happy with this due to painful nipple) - I express about 4/5 times in 24hours to maintain a supply - usually getting about 3 ounces a time so have been able to freeze off a decent amount as well as being able To leave a couple of ounces for each bottle feed.

SpeakNoWords Mon 28-Nov-16 01:53:41

As a separate thing, are you using something like Lansinoh on your cracked nipples? It will really help them heal.

I think expressing and giving some bottle feeds can help your nipples heal, but only if your partner is actually helping you and doing what you need him to do. If he's taking it upon himself to do bottle feeds without checking with you if that's what you want, then he isn't being very helpful at all.

sonlypuppyfat Mon 28-Nov-16 01:53:45

Babies suck differently from a bottle than a breast can the horses wait while you sit and relax with your baby and just nurse her. I swear babies feed all the time to make sure mum sits and rests

Shadowboy Mon 28-Nov-16 01:56:06

I should also add that it's not a simple -he can sort
Horses out- they are not straightforward like feeding a cat etc. I did have someone do the first
Couple of days for me but costs are just too prohibitive for a full time groom! My husband is great with the dog/poultry and has been doing those in the evening but not in the morning as I have to go up and do horses' beds/feeds/rug changes etc which usually takes about 2-3hoirs. (I take the dog with me to kill two birds with one stone)
(I also enjoy a couple of hours of fresh air if I'm honest) I think the key issue is he feels that it's time to move to bottle feeding as the nipple pain made me cry a lot today. However, baby seems to cry a lot when fed bottles and not when BF.

feesh Mon 28-Nov-16 01:57:39

I don't know if 60ml would be enough - my twins were on 60ml formula by the time we left hospital and it ramped up rapidly after that.

OlennasWimple Mon 28-Nov-16 02:00:52

What consistency is your expressed milk? sounds like it might not be enough hind milk

Don't discount nipple shields, BTW - some people dislike them but they can provide a useful barrier if you are painful

sonlypuppyfat Mon 28-Nov-16 02:01:03

Bloody hell I wasn't up to walking to the shops after eight days never mind mucking out horses

JenLindleyShitMom Mon 28-Nov-16 02:06:00

You know what, I'd stick her in a sling and take her with you. Your husband sounds like an arse. Over this issue at least and it isnt fair on the baby if she isn't comfortable with the bottle. Some babies just don't take to it. 8 days is really young. Don't let him bully you on this.

SpeakNoWords Mon 28-Nov-16 02:06:10

60ml could be enough for a breastfed baby as the volume of milk taken doesn't increase as much as a formula fed baby.

Is there no cheaper option for someone to do the horses? Someone who would appreciate the experience or someone who would do it in exchange for riding the horses or something? I think it's astonishing you are mucking out horses 8 days after giving birth. What would you have done if you'd had a c section or a particularly traumatic vaginal birth?!

JenLindleyShitMom Mon 28-Nov-16 02:08:09

Or in the pram as sling could be dangerous/awkward with horses.

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