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MIL waging campaign against BF-ing and undermining me

(35 Posts)
Shutupjustshutupshutup Sun 28-Aug-16 21:40:50

MIL does not like breastfeeding. She finds it "attention seeking" (as in "look at my boobs") and when I had DC1 and she arrived to "help," it involved trying everything to stop me breastfeeding - mainly along the lines of keeping tabs of when newborn woke, slept, fed - timing me and then accusing me of starving newborn by choosing to BF, especially if newborn cried. Now I'm on DC2 and she has arrived to "help" again. He's two weeks old and was feeding every 2-3 hours until yesterday. Now he is feeding more frequently. I am happily just BF-ing him on demand, but it is making MIL angry. She says because he is feeding more frequently it means I do not have enough milk. As soon as I stop a feed, she sets her stopwatch.

To her face I am breezy and smiley and saying he's going through a growth spurt. But just wanted to check - it is normal for them to feed more frequently after 2 weeks isn't it?

Soubriquet Sun 28-Aug-16 21:42:03

Tell her to go home!

Honestly. She is obviously not making your life easier. Of course your newborn is going to nurse all day. How else is your supply going to increase?

Tunafishandlions Sun 28-Aug-16 21:43:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5madthings Sun 28-Aug-16 21:44:24

Yes it's normal he is establishing your supply.

I would tell your mil if she doesn't stop her behaviour then she needs to leave. Where is dh can he tell his mother to quit with her crop behaviour?

DoreenLethal Sun 28-Aug-16 21:44:37

Is it an actual stopwatch? If so, take it, stomp on it, and hand it back to her and tell her any more of this nonsense and she can leave your house and never come back.

QforCucumber Sun 28-Aug-16 21:44:57

I don't understand this- my mil did it too. It's damaged my relationship with her terribly. Luckily my dp was on my side and he told her to stop.
If your dh Is happy with you bf and you're happy then she needs to be told to stop it, you need support not put downs. (Oh and ds is 5 months now and still feeds 2-3 hourly during the day)

sn1ce Sun 28-Aug-16 21:45:36

what the hell is your husband doing about it?

MessyBun247 Sun 28-Aug-16 21:46:10

Tell her to fuck off! Don't know how you stay calm, I would have booted her out.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Sun 28-Aug-16 21:48:52

Grit your teeth and get DH to deal with her.

Or tell her to fuck off

Borntorunfast Sun 28-Aug-16 21:49:21

Tell her to do one. My second was more or less permanently attached to my boobs for months. She was one happy, healthy baby. Your MIL sounds like a very controlling piece of work. Carry on nodding and smiling, and maybe accidentally tread on the stopwatch or chuck it out with the dirty nappies smile

pinkyredrose Sun 28-Aug-16 21:49:30

Went is she there? ! You don't seem to like each other.

sarahC40 Sun 28-Aug-16 21:49:45

Next time she does it, call her out on her timings - ask her to compare with last time, has she drawn a graph etc, then shake your head and laugh and laugh and laugh to yourself as you have a lovely feed with your baby (if she leaves, tell her not to let the door hit her on the way out). Been there, done that. Good luck x

motherducker Sun 28-Aug-16 21:50:47

Oh my god get your husband to tell her to eff off!

NaturalRBF Sun 28-Aug-16 21:51:11

Tell her to fuck off & if she has the urge to return...fuck off again.

Totally normal to be cluster feeding at that age. She should be supporting any decision you make.

YorkieDorkie Sun 28-Aug-16 21:51:29

Oh my gosh it's normal for them to feed whenever they please!! Is she jealous or something? Seriously you need to time her "helpful" visits with the health visitor and talk some sense into her. It could damage your supply. angry

Cherryskypie Sun 28-Aug-16 21:53:24

Do you live with her?

peaceloveandshitmoms Sun 28-Aug-16 21:55:19

Sounds like she has some deep issues around how she was told to feed her children. Maybe she's jealous. Silly old witch. Send her packing!

FellOutOfBed2wice Sun 28-Aug-16 21:56:40

You're a better person than me, OP. I would be telling her to get fucked, fuck off home and not come back. Get your husband to give her a piece of his mind. What a cheek!

KatharinaRosalie Sun 28-Aug-16 22:00:19

at 2 weeks old, it's totally normal for the baby to be feeding around the clock. Tell MIL to fuck the fuck off and when she gets there, fuck off some more

outputgap Sun 28-Aug-16 22:06:28

When you say that she has arrived to help, you don't mean that she's staying in your house? She needs, as pp have so beautifully put it, to fuck right off out of your house.

Failing that, have you thought about headbutting her?

Coconut0il Sun 28-Aug-16 22:58:42

Why is she there? I would not have someone with this attitude in my house. DS2 fed all the time for the first 3 months of his life. He went about 5 minutes between feeds. We snuggled up and I fed him. No way would I have let someone stand there and time the gaps. You must be an incredibly calm person.

Shutupjustshutupshutup Sun 28-Aug-16 23:22:49

If I get in a fluster or get angry, she's certainly one of those who will feel like she's succeeded in getting me worked up. I know it silences her more to just brazen it out. I have just done yet another feed where she was staring at me the whole time.

She is not saying a huge amount. She has broken English. "He wants to be fed again???? But you fed him (looks at watch) 1 hour ago??? You are starving him."

Then when I pause to wind him after he's finished on one breast. "He came off, you have no milk." Then I put him on the other breast, and she tuts very loudly and checks her watch again.

She comes at each birth and stays for around a month. Their family's religion and culture have a few traditions that you perform around the birth of a child, so she comes mainly to do those, although the idea is that she "helps," (she doesn't.)

She definitely has a few issues around having children and feeding children. With DC1 she didn't believe that I was actually breastfeeding. She thought I was faking it (!) I'm sure she thinks the same thing is happening now - that it's all a big charade and an excuse to get my tits out!

We also have a language barrier so it is harder to communicate with her about what I'm actually doing. But the level of interference she has does not take into account the language barrier at all. Her attitude is universally bad and you don't need to speak her language to know what she is trying to say.

stiffstink Sun 28-Aug-16 23:29:28

If she can't understand you very well, why not have some fun with it? Become a parody to amuse yourself.

"Here are my brrrrreasts again! Tickety tock! Start the clock!"

peaceloveandshitmoms Sun 28-Aug-16 23:32:11

Squirt milk at her to prove you have milk grin

stiffstink Sun 28-Aug-16 23:36:23

Time her when she goes into the bathroom then accuse her of not having a wee or a poo.

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